[Embarrassing Accidental Video]

[artfulironicist]

[Dirk is presumably staring at his screen. His eyes aren't exactly visible behind his awesome shades. But his computer speakers are playing a sad harp and piano theme.



His eyebrows are almost visible over the top of his sunglasses, though, and his mouth is slightly open. He's alternating typing furiously with leaning his chin on his hand.]

Fuck...

[He clicks a couple of times.]

Oh god, Sakuya...

[He talks to himself completely out loud. He's the kind of guy who's never had to worry about being overheard...until now. He clicks a couple more times, and then sighs, deeply, putting one hand over his mouth.]

God... Fuckin'...pigeons.

[Yes, he is playing what you think he's playing.]

Comments

[unknownrival]

You're being recorded talking about pigeons, by the way.

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[hawkblocker]

...Pigeons? What are you doing on that metal box?

[Tibarn is very curious now.]

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[zuipperpips]

Hey, Dirk, abort! Abort! Everyone can see you bein' mega fucking emotional right now.

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[exceedingwords]

Exactly why are you shedding tears over a featherbeast? Is this some kind of human ritual? And I mean that in a sincere, non-ironic way.

[artfulironicist]

So I've discovered. It's a game about pigeon dating, and the most well-executed instance of the genre I've seen.

[unknownrival]

Of which I imagine there are few?

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[artfulironicist]

[Aaand Dirk is back to lineface for the public audience.]

I'm playing a pigeon dating game. The metal box is a computer monitor, which partially serves as my interface for accessing the community, and also allows me to play ironic dating simulations.

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[artfulironicist]

I might as well've sobbed openly on the vlog post, I know. Though, if you could have seen what was goin' on in those final cutscenes, I'm sure you would have been moved yourself. That pigeon had a tragic hidden story, Roxy.

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[hawkblocker]

Dating simulations? What are those? [Now he's even more curious.]

Huh... So you have technology like that there. Pretty impressive.

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[artfulironicist]

No, you're completely right. It's a festive human day known as Pigeoween wherein anyone taking part works out some way to read a moving pigeon tale, whether it's in the traditional format of a book, or the more interactive choice of a pigeon dating game. Many of the great works of human literature are about pigeons because of this. There are a lot of right wing Christian groups that condemn the holiday and the associated literature, however, based on the notion that these works are a metaphorical "gateway drug" into bestiality, and by association, the hell that awaits all furries.

[artfulironicist]

It's a fairly successful subgenre of game, actually.

[unknownrival]

Pigeons?

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[exceedingwords]

This is where I go and wonder if I am about to be taken in by a great speech of human sarcasm or wonder if humans are simply that weird?

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[artfulironicist]

Pretty much exactly what they sound like. They're a game that gives you several decisions that let you simulate the trials of initiating a relationship.

What are you using to talk to me right now?

[artfulironicist]

Exactly. The premise sounds like a joke, but it's actually a highly complex AU. I wouldn't be surprised if every dating simulation is based around pigeons in a couple of years.

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[zuipperpips]

Yeah, I could totally tell, what with your mad riveting narration and all.

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[hawkblocker]

[Oh, so that's what "dating" means... Damn modern slang.]

A magical book. I found it in a tree.

So why are you simulating dating birds? I don't know many humans that would do that.

[unknownrival]

Hm. I doubt it'll become all that prevalent, but it might stand as a worthy game on its own merits.

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[artfulironicist]

It's a very distracting game.

Incidentally... [And the image on the screen switches to this.] Apparently Ryouta just likes crossdressing. I'm taking his path this time.

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[zuipperpips]

[ she chokes on her drink, coughs, and breaks into giggles ] Oh my God, are you serious? So the maid cafe was really some weirdass crossdressing pigeonfest?

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[artfulironicist]

[Back to Dirk's face.] Yeah, though this isn't that. Our good friend Ryouka apparently works at a "transvestite cafe" where his name is "Coolene".

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[zuipperpips]

Shiiiit, we shoulda gone for him from the start! --Oh Christ on a cracker, is this that summer job we turned over to him?

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[artfulironicist]

Fuck, that's a good point. Maybe he's cage-dancing in drag for a living.

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[zuipperpips]

Better him than us! So are you gonna go for 100%? I've got shit to do but call me if anything really inappropriately fuckin hilarious comes up.

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[artfulironicist]

Of course I'm going for 100%. Talking about inappropriately fuckin' hilarious, I think that cafe with the bird cages is supposed to be some kind of host club.