[text]

[boostup4beetbuster]

Hey, since community-Christmas--Communimas? Duckmas?--is coming up, and I know some people are just dying to give each other gifts--or coal, or low-intensity explosives--I've got the perfect thing for you to send your gifts without having to leave your couch.

[Attachment: teleportation.exe]

I'd love to take credit for the program, but I didn't actually work on it. Got caught up in it, which brings me to a very important point:

Please, for the love of everything, do not send living things through it. If you're buying someone a puppy, use a worldhop for it. Fine china is safer in a teleport than living things, okay? It works by breaking down particles into data and reconstructing them on the other side, and we haven't worked out the kinks where that isn't fatal to all but the extremely lucky, talented, and genius, i.e., me. And my teammates, but they've got another program that keeps them alive in the event of teleportation, and it's definitely something I can't give out easily, got it?

Let's recap: If teleporting, nonliving only.

Thanks, and Merry Duckmas.

Comments

[tenminutes]

If you had this you should've shared it before Christmas.

[boostup4beetbuster]

Oi, never hear of beta-testing? I shared it with only a couple of people and had to run it through different tests--testing off your native world, testing when someone's mid-worldhop, testing in the middle of a virus. You don't want a virus infecting your gift, do you?

...Well, actually, that'd be hilarious.

[tenminutes]

It would be hilarious and now you've gone and made it all safe so I don't get to have a good Christmas laugh.

[boostup4beetbuster]

I CAN BREAK THIS! I SWEAR!

[tenminutes]

Hurry up then, I want to send someone something ridiculous!

[boostup4beetbuster]

[Attached: oopsibrokeitagain.exe]

There. That's back to a previous version that wasn't immune to the viruses.

[tenminutes]

Great. Though, just so you know, if you say it's immune to viruses it's probably going to lead exactly to viruses.

[boostup4beetbuster]

...Point.

[tenminutes]

You just jinxed your whole operation and gave the worst person possible a virus-prone version of your device. Good job.

[boostup4beetbuster]

I know, isn't it great?

[tenminutes]

Did you just do it on purpose? Because if you did, then it probably cancels out the jinxing. You jinxed your jinx.

[boostup4beetbuster]

DAMMIT! I'm an engineer, not a wizard--I don't know how all this magic works!

[tenminutes]

I'm neither, I just make things up as I go.

[alldevouringabomination]

[Kirby should probably know better than to download unknown files from people he's only interacted with once. But it's not like he can't find Jin somebody giving this out so openly could have ulterior motives, right?

His tablet-device now has the executable. LIMITED TELEPORT ACQUIRED!]

Gii.

[boostup4beetbuster]

You're welcome. But remember: bunny slippers, okay. Actual bunnies, no.

[alldevouringabomination]

[...Kirby doesn't even see anything bunny-related around here, never mind knowing where they might go.

He just nods.]

[boostup4beetbuster]

There you go. And if you have any questions, just ask.

[former_endboss]

So, you want a patch for this? We use similarly terrifying and temporarily lethal teleportation to move between the upper and lower parts of the Tower.

[boostup4beetbuster]

This sounds like something I should experiment with.

[former_endboss]

The Hardware requirement is a bit more stringent though. You need a dedicated sending and receiving platform, and each use burns through a special part. A Circula teleporter, a relic of the First Age.

[boostup4beetbuster]

Yeah, that's going to need some work. Definitely don't have that, and I've got to see what I do have that'd be able to replicate it.

[former_endboss]

I'll try and find the specs in an archive somewhere. Shurelia has let the data-structure of the Tower go-or maybe it's that security 'droid of hers. Either way, nothing's where it used to be.

[boostup4beetbuster]

Sounds like a plan. Thanks.