dramadramaduck | [Accidental Voice Post]

[The sounds of something dropping, and rustling cloth, and then whispered talking]

Eeeek! Goodness! Err… Where did HE appear from? …Okay, calm down. This might be a most valuable opportunity.

[Sound of throat clearning and more rustling cloth]

Er, um… What do you want? I mean, what is your business with me? …Huh?!

[Rushed steps across a wooden floor]

Oh, my, my, my! Oh-me-oh-my… How absolutely atrocious… Er, excuse me! I’m a traveling seer, you see… Your destiny… I must say, you are completely doomed. What a terrifying destiny awaits you!!! Let’s take a closer look at your fortune. Come, right this way! You don’t have to pay me a thing!

[Chairs move across floor, rustling cloth]

Let us begin. What a terrifying destiny, indeed… What an abominable, dismaying, ghastly destiny! I can’t even imagine where to begin! It’s all so terrible! What part of your appalling fate would you like to hear about first?

[A new voice is heard]

War.

Oh, you want to know how you’ll do in war, do you? What are you, some kind of mercenary? Oh, my! It’s simply unspeakable! I’ve never seen a person with a more unfortunate destiny in battle than you! Every time you enter a battlefield, the arrows will find you! Every time you use a magic Rune, it will explode! I can’t believe you’re still alive with luck like this! You could die any time! Maybe today! Tomorrow at the latest!

How will I do in love?

Oh, let’s see… You’re surrounded by strong women, aren’t you? You probably think that’s a plus. Well, I’m afraid none of them will fall in love with you. But they’ll still jealously guard your affections. They’ll never let you get close to a woman who could truly love you! Your destiny is to die alone, without ever knowing the divine taste of true love!

Dang… What about money?

Oh, I see… You recently did something utterly atrocious to a rich friend of yours, didn’t you! That has forever doomed your fortune, I’m afraid. When you said goodbye to that friend, you said goodbye to money! Your coin purse is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You make a lot of money, but you spend it even faster. You shall be besought by insurmountable debts! Your family name shall be forever ruined amongst creditors!

[A gasp is heard]

No! Oh, no more! It’s too gruesome to go any further! Honestly, I knew your fate was bad, but this is appalling! Hey, don’t look at me like that! There are ways to reverse bad luck, you know!

[A heavy thud]

What about this? Isn’t this an amazing book?! Just the kind of venerable old thing someone might call a ‘tome.’ It’s all you need to change your luck in two shakes of a hound’s tail! With this book, good luck will come your way, no doubt about it! Here, it’s yours now! Take it! I’m not in it for money! I just like helping people! Honestly!

[A paused moment of silence]

Ah! I can see the book changing your fate already. Long life, children, many fine young ladies… I’m almost jealous! Hahahahaha! I just love helping people! What a great feeling!

Oh, um, thanks. I guess we'll be leaving now.

Alright! Goodbye!!! And may your future be filled with happiness!

[A door shuts, rustling cloth]

Ahahahaha! Sucker.... Hmm... Oh? Is this thing on?

[USER DANDYFOOL LOGS OFF]

[ooc: Yes, Euram is up to no good. =D]