dramadramaduck | (no subject)

(no subject)

Right, so, there isn't a lot of time for this, but I'm going to need to borrow some things off of someone in a hurry.

Things, apparently, the TARDIS decided not to keep in stock.

A wire toilet scrubber
Lemon Jam
A pack of Denture Cleaning Gum
A female hamster

There's an incident involving a pig, so, cooperation would just be fantastic.

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... Man, you get into weird situations. What's a hamster?

...What do any of those things have to do with pigs?

You have no idea.

Essentially, a ball of fur with hands, useless, but fantastic.

Have you tried asking her?

Well, not Earth pigs, more like... Space pigs. Like a pig crossed with an alligator.

Bad news, that.

Well, I could get you all of those things easily, but I make no promises as to where they've been.

You can repay me with drinks.

Hey, little ape, how'd you know she's a her?

And also, yes, it did cross my brilliant mind to ask her, but apparently, she thinks keeping denture gum is a waste of space, seeing as my teeth will never fall out, and if I bring someone old enough on board to need denture gum, I deserve to suffer with the embarrassment of hearing slurred words and a diet of nothing but custard and mashed potatoes.

Lemon jam?

We have a few animals like that. Do I want to know why you need this stuff?

That doesn't actually clarify anything at all.

To be quite honest, the only thing I'm worried about location with you from the list above is the end of the wire toilet scrubber.

Drinks, yes, but you're paying. After all, I believe I'm the one that's owed a drink.

It would if you were the right person?

Lemon Jam.

Disgusting, that stuff.

Probably not, to be honest, but you can assume it's for something mind-blowing-ly awesome, if you'd like.

Nor does that. How would any of that be remotely helpful against a... pig-alligator?

The TARDIS and I talk.

Well, you could mention it, in case someone who travels with you has dentures.

... Okay, one last question: what's a pig?

That's a lack of imagination on your part, then.

So are we going to keep threatening each other about these drinks or shall we set a date?

Touche, immortal monkey.

Go ahead, then, Jack, set a date, pretty good on being open at the time, me.

Oh, friends with Bob, then? Fantastic, hello, I'm his previous counterpart, who're you?

Well, that's what I've got a dermal regenerator for. Traveling with me comes with covered dental.

Well, have you ever heard of a potato gun? It's sort of like that... but with Lemon Jam. Which they are highly allergic to.

It's like a hamster, but five times bigger and hairless, with hooves instead of hands.

...Interesting.

I suppose the wire toilet scrubber wouldn't be a problem, if you have a way to transport it.

Fantastic. Quick solution, transmat beam, have you got a microwave?

... What do you need a female hamster for?

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