dramadramaduck | (no subject)

(no subject)

I received an anonymous e-mail this morning which I've been asked to share with everyone for some reason - and so, without further ado:

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PRESIDENT SHINRA

R.I.P.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Supernatural Beings and Created Entities;

It is with much regret that I must inform you of today's sad date, for it marks the anniversary of the death of President ShinRa, the father of our very own Rufus ShinRa and the founder of the highly successful ShinRa Electric Power Company. Thanks to President ShinRa's continuous hard work and research into the fields of science, technology and weapons development, many of his lasting achievements can still be enjoyed by us here and now.

Please, join me in raising a glass to celebrate the life of this remarkable man, and take a moment to offer your condolences and messages of sympathy to Rufus ShinRa to help him through this difficult time.

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Don't. Really. He doesn't deserve it. In fact, throw a party and praise that the world isn't more fucked over.

Oh my, the anniversary of his death was today? Fancy that, I almost went and forgot.

It's okay to cry, Rufus. You don't have to act all macho and pretend you don't care that Daddy dearest is dead.

No I just spaz out for no good reason Bambi. Now, seeing as I have in fact run out of different ways to call you a motherfucker, your name will now be Bambi. Except in your case you don't become a buck ... and you just remain Bambi.

Ha ha, very funny. I like the way you already have a pet name for me - it only serves to highlight the fact that you have such a huge hard-on for me, you have to hide it behind a crappy little insult. What, you want me to call you Thumper or something?

No Bambi, just Bambi. Oh yeah Kadaj, I'm ready for you, come take me oh baby, oh baby. -_-

What, you want me to call you Bambi as well? Damn, but that's just kinky. I'll be right over, sweetcakes... just as soon as I finish throwing up.

Oh don't rush yourself, I just have to hurl myself off this building first and then; it's time.

Excellent, then I don't have to look at your annoying smug face.

*is too busy feeding JENOVA*

You'd better not be feeding her what I can picture you feeding her.

Now - Is that really fair? To raise Rufus' hopes like that I hardly believe he's a "lasting achievment" now is he?

My my, you've actually managed to rise in my estimation again. Well done. *pats on the head and gives a gold star*

...Uh can you actually reach my head? I mean well, look....HAIR. MASSES OF HAIR.

Well, the bigger problem would be that we're not actually on the same world right now but I'll humour you and say no.

Oh my, I'm terribly sorry. I genuinely thought it was someone who wanted to show their sympathy.

... it's alright. People assume that care for my parents. :|

... I'm actually amazed that you have the mental capacity to imagine. Well done.

Mother gifted me with the ability to visualise a wide variety of compromising situations... except most of them involve me.

Yet she hasn't given you the ability to shut the fuck up.

I'll be quiet as a mouse when I've killed you. When I stop laughing, that is.

Heard that too. Are you on repeat ?

NO!

Fine, if you want to hear something interesting, how about the fact that I know you sent Wuya after me to piss me off?

so it worked? Fantastic.

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