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dramadramaduck2011-05-15 10:15 pm
thesleeperwakes.livejournal.com) wrote in dramadramaduck2011-05-15 10:15 pm
Entry tags:
[video]
[She's pale, trembling, and pretty much looking like death incarnate. It takes her a few tries before her voice is strong enough to be heard. She's visibly shaken, something that doesn't happen often for Helena. The small hotel room she's currently staying in is oddly dark, as if there's a storm outside. Unfortunately, that's not the case.]
I don't care who hears this. I don't care if you all hate me. I have to get this off of my chest. I-I... [She turns her head away, gathering her thoughts before looking directly at the camera.]
Even now, a few days after the fulfillment of my “plan,” I fail to find myself satisfied. Indeed, how could I? I'm surrounded by pain and suffering, by weakness and by death. This is no different than any other day; in fact, it's just the same, save for one fact: I'm the cause. [Ashamed, she lowers her gaze away from the camera.]
She tried to talk me out of it, you know. She tried oh-so-hard. I almost listened to her, to be honest. I should have... I really should have. [There's a momentary silence, before she continues. Her voice is cold and emotionless now. If she allows herself to feel, she won't be able to go on.]
Instead, she handed me her gun. She forced me to hold it to her head. She told me to shoot. She asked me to look her in the eyes and shoot her, because everyone was going to die anyway. And I... Oh god, what have I done? I swore I'd never... not after Paris. Not after Christina. Not after those bloody men... yet, I found it far easier than anticipated. I looked her in the eyes, and... [She can't bring herself to continue. It's probably obvious that she's shaken up by what she's done.]
It wasn't her life I was ending. It was mine.
[There are tears in her eyes.] I'm so sorry, to anyone who's on my world... I'm so, so sorry. Instead of the quick end I envisioned... I've doomed us all to freezing and starvation, to even more pain and suffering than I could have dreamed. How could I have known? I thought it would erupt sooner. I thought the entire process would be quick and relatively painless... I hadn't expected it to take so long.
I thought I would be creating a better future...
She was right... One person alone shouldn't have been the one making the decisions. One person alone shouldn't have the right to “play God.” And I've gone ahead and done it. I'm the cause of all of this suffering. Rather than ending it, I only magnified it. In all of my years... in the entire time I spent trapped in my mind... I could never have dreamed a future such as this. I thought we'd devolve. I thought we'd... I thought...
[She gives a choked sob.] I thought wrong. Oh, god. I'm so sorry.
And it's becoming so cold...
[[ooc: She's affected by the “What If?” virus. In this reality, Helena didn't listen to Myka's attempts to talk her out of carrying out her plans to end mankind. Long story short: she caused the Yellowstone caldera to erupt, starting a volcanic winter ...]]
I don't care who hears this. I don't care if you all hate me. I have to get this off of my chest. I-I... [She turns her head away, gathering her thoughts before looking directly at the camera.]
Even now, a few days after the fulfillment of my “plan,” I fail to find myself satisfied. Indeed, how could I? I'm surrounded by pain and suffering, by weakness and by death. This is no different than any other day; in fact, it's just the same, save for one fact: I'm the cause. [Ashamed, she lowers her gaze away from the camera.]
She tried to talk me out of it, you know. She tried oh-so-hard. I almost listened to her, to be honest. I should have... I really should have. [There's a momentary silence, before she continues. Her voice is cold and emotionless now. If she allows herself to feel, she won't be able to go on.]
Instead, she handed me her gun. She forced me to hold it to her head. She told me to shoot. She asked me to look her in the eyes and shoot her, because everyone was going to die anyway. And I... Oh god, what have I done? I swore I'd never... not after Paris. Not after Christina. Not after those bloody men... yet, I found it far easier than anticipated. I looked her in the eyes, and... [She can't bring herself to continue. It's probably obvious that she's shaken up by what she's done.]
It wasn't her life I was ending. It was mine.
[There are tears in her eyes.] I'm so sorry, to anyone who's on my world... I'm so, so sorry. Instead of the quick end I envisioned... I've doomed us all to freezing and starvation, to even more pain and suffering than I could have dreamed. How could I have known? I thought it would erupt sooner. I thought the entire process would be quick and relatively painless... I hadn't expected it to take so long.
I thought I would be creating a better future...
She was right... One person alone shouldn't have been the one making the decisions. One person alone shouldn't have the right to “play God.” And I've gone ahead and done it. I'm the cause of all of this suffering. Rather than ending it, I only magnified it. In all of my years... in the entire time I spent trapped in my mind... I could never have dreamed a future such as this. I thought we'd devolve. I thought we'd... I thought...
[She gives a choked sob.] I thought wrong. Oh, god. I'm so sorry.
And it's becoming so cold...
[[ooc: She's affected by the “What If?” virus. In this reality, Helena didn't listen to Myka's attempts to talk her out of carrying out her plans to end mankind. Long story short: she caused the Yellowstone caldera to erupt, starting a volcanic winter ...]]