dramadramaduck

Intro

My name is Harry Lockhart. I used to be a thief, then an actor, and now I'm a P.I. in Los Angeles, working for Perry Van Shrike. And, well, fuck, Harmony fits in there somewhere, but God only knows how. She was perfect, you know? So absolutely perfect that I wasted no time in fucking things up with her so royally that we are no longer on what you would call "speaking terms". And now it's just me and Perry, and, hah, as if that isn't a joke in fucking progress.

Whatever. I'll save the rest of this for whenever I figure out how to make these entries private. I don't need every tortured teenager on the internet reading my shit.

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Not.. many tortured teens about, stranger. Perry, you say?

Girls are icky, anyway, take it from me

I'm Jack by the way. Just Jack.

Well, then, Just Jack... Hi. Yes, Perry. Gay Perry, to everyone who has anything resembling gaydar. From your icon... you two would get along perfectly. As long as that love of Cher goes along with a fondness for Xanadu.

As I previously stated without signing in...

Well, then, Just Jack... Hi. Yes, Perry. Gay Perry, to everyone who has anything resembling gaydar. From your icon... you two would get along perfectly. As long as that love of Cher goes along with a fondness for Xanadu.

Cher is my idol! But, ew, Xanadu, a bit too tacky for me.. pretty sure anyone who called themselves Gay Perry would betoo tacky for me as well...

I'm an actor, you know. I'm pretty high class.

He doesn't... call himself Gay Perry, he- is called Gay Perry. By other people. He... fuck. I'm defending Perry. Well, not touching that one with a... can't think of a nonphallic metaphor. Jesus Christ.

An actor? Really? Ever been to L.A.? You'd fit right in out here. Everyone's an actor. Unless, of course, they're a girl, in which case... well, you get the point- anyways. Don't kid yourself, princess, this is one hell of a cold business. Take it from me.

New York, thanks! California.. not so much my thing. I may complain about the cold, but I love winter. Best fashion and everything else. Clean. Yeah.. It's late, I forgot what I was saying..

Don't be ashamed to admit you have the hots for Perry. Happens to a lot of "straight men" I hear.

You kill me with the little quotey marks. Seriously? Princess? I love Harmony. I may have fucked things up with her beyond repair, but she's my dream girl. In high school I was always watching her, not every asshole she was with when she was fucking her way through the football team.

And I mean, everyone goes through that little experimental phase, right? Chuck Chutney... He doesn't really count or anything.

That sounds like repression to me, sweetie.

And who on earth is Chuck Chutney? :D Do tell.

Chuck Chutney was my best friend in high school. Then he moved away, and evidently Harmony fucked him just before he left. After she promised me that she'd leave him alone. God, that bitch. No, I mean she's... she's amazing, but there's just these little fucking things she's done (like fuck Chuck Chutney and cut off my finger and get mad at me for that one time I was going to make a move on her and ended up, uh, fucking her ugly- less attractive! friend- I guess that was more one I did.) Anyways, point is, we both fuck up way too often to be anything less than... spectacularly unsuccessful together.

...What was the question?

Oh, right. Fuck! Chuck Chutney. He was my best friend in high school. We fooled around once or twice or... more than that, fine, but the whole time I was thinking about Harmony.

Right, thinking her face as you screamed his name? You're convincing, really. It's cute.

You and this girl Harmony remind me of Will and Grace. Gay and straight and hopeless to a fault.

Uh, she cut of your finger?

Kay, not a screamer, thanks. And really not gay. Secure enough to admit that I've had my, uh, encounters, but not gay.

Yes, she cut off my finger. Scroll down, I already told some other poor sap all about it. Black_is_black, whoever the hell that is and whatever the fuck that means. This whole place makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I mean, there's fucking hedgehogs running around everywhere.

Aren't you the busy one.

Oh, absolutely. Hi, how are you? And, uh, may I ask, who are you?

Oh, magnificent. When magnificent is synonomous with something like being slowly pecked to death. And you?

I'm Fakir.

((o.o.c. Fakir's got a noir! virus right now, else he wouldn't be so social. :P))

As fine as anyone can be in L.A. And aren't you the fiesty one? Ouch.

Glad to hear it. Sorry about that.

Whatever, it's- fine. So, glad you decided to drop by. Welcome to the party.

Shouldn't I be the one saying that?

I guess. Sorry, I've never been particularly good at figuring out the intricacies of, uh, human interaction. But, hey, fuck it. It's my first post, and I'm welcoming you to it.

...Everyone here is human, right?

Thank you.

Actually, no. There are ducks. And hedgehogs. And other things.

Well I guess, yknow, ducks make sense. But I draw the line at hedgehogs. And what do you mean, other things? Sorry if I sound a little, uh, fucking antagonistic, but I want to know just what the hell I've gotten myself into.

Understandable.

Some of the people who appear human seem insulted when you call them that. There are a bunch of people who say they've died, or are dead. And there are gods.

Oh, I forgot to mention the rooster.

Have you tried apologizing?

Oh, god, what are you? The friendship police. Get over yourself seriously.

I thought you didn't like girls. What're you stalking me for?

Not stalking. Merely saying. Stating truth and all that.

Uh-huh.

Anyway, if the guy's going to post about his problems on a public forum, it doesn't hurt to ask a question or two.

You know what, sweetheart? You have a point. My bad. But no, I don't think that apologizing would work. Besides, you know what? Harmony wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. That girl was some serious fucking work.

Tifa Lockhart, not sweetheart.

Well, up to you whether or not she's worth it, but it can't hurt to say you're sorry. Sometimes people are simpler than you expect them to be.

And what are you?

A fag.

What is that on your head?

And how does that give you some sort of right to abuse Miss Tifa?

It's called hair.

That is not hair. And I never abused anyone.

I think I'm the authority here, since it grows on my head.

Well, maybe "abuse" indicates more skill than you have. Harass, then.

Shakespeare, right?

Yes! Right! Except... not quite. Only if Shakespeare knew about Denver happening... several hundred years in the future. No, the Denver part was one of my own creations, while completely fucked on Demerol. After Harmony cut my finger off. Yeah, that was a fun night.

Sounds very fun~ What did you do to deserve that?

Nothing! Nothing at all, I just... (OOC: Moderate spoilers for the movie!) told her I was a private eye after she thought her sister had been murdered when I was really a crook posing as an actor to stay out of prison.

...Alright, I fucked up. But I still didn't deserve to have my finger cut off when she slammed the door in my face! Fuck that.

...Heh.

You can just make private entries on your journal. It's in the basic viewing/security settings for your post.

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Intro

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still getting used to this LJ-thing

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Oh come on!

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