dramadramaduck | [accidental video]

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mami tomoe

[accidental video]

[The video camera shows Mami's apartment--richly furnished but empty. Nothing but a few dishes on a glass table and the light coming from a sliding glass door are seen. Nobody's home. That is, until the noise of an opening door. Lights flicker on as someone flips a light switch.]

Mother, Father... I'm sorry I was out later than usual.

[Mami walks into the view of the camera. She doesn't look around and instead just puts her schoolbag near the table with a heavy sigh, looking a bit more ragged than usual.] I understand that I could probably have returned sooner but not tonight. It was busy.

[As Mami talks, she picks up the dirty dishes and moves out of sight of the camera. There's noises of someone putting water into a pot.] I believe I've made a couple of new friends. I'm sure you would have gotten along well with them.

I hope you weren't too mad at having a strange man in the apartment. He was very cordial, as you remember. I used your recipe, Mother. [Mami re-appears as she sets the table again: for one person.] Don't worry about me, I promise I've been taking care of myself.

[Mami sits down at the glass table, pouring herself a cup of tea. She continues talking to herself but the video cuts out.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Just a bit. It kept hiding it's real body in different points in the barrier. Fiendishly clever of it.

...My offer of assistance is still open at any time, you know.

I know, Lancer-san.

I realize you know that.

...But I worry you may never accept.

I realize you're being very generous. I'm very grateful for the offer and I've seen your strength firsthand.

[She pauses, reaching for her tea. She takes a drink.]

So I must apologize for my hesitancy.

You don't need to apologize. Maybe I should be the one to say that I'm sorry for being so insistent. I know some people would rather fight on their own, yet...I worry perhaps you would be better off with someone at your side.

It's not that I don't want to have anyone by my side. [Sakura, Kaname... Good girls, both of them. If only--but that's not possible, is it.] It's...I don't know.

I don't mean to sound like I'm pressuring you. Please forgive me, if that seems like the case.

It's not at all like that.

Then if you would allow me to ask, what is it that troubles you?

You're not a magical girl. [She feels stupid for saying it.]

...I see. And if I were to approach from a practical standpoint and explain to you the fact that few things separate a magical girl from a Servant?

Practically, there is no reason why not. Morally, however, is a different matter. It's the duty of a magical girl to fight witches. This is the deal they've made.

And it is the duty of a knight to protect those in need of it. That was the oath I swore as a child taken into the Fianna.

If this city is in need of help--no, more than that, if a friend of mine is in need of help, I can not stand idly by.

Lancer Diarmuid, I am truly sorry but I can't accept. Your skill is truly remarkable and a Servant could handle a witch, surely.

[Her words are steady, her eyes are focused on his face but her fingers grip her tea cup tightly and her hands shake.] A girl who has made a contract...that's who should be fighting witches.

...

[He reached over and lightly put a hand over one of hers, smiling sadly.]

Please. Even though I am no longer a magi...Give me but one chance, nothing more. I wish to fight at your side, Mami Tomoe. For your sake as well as all of those in this city.

This my duty.

[Her voice is generally calm. But she's looking away, her hands are shaking. She doesn't want to hear those words--she knows she'll relent if she does.

Her sense of duty, of trying to repent for her own selfishness is fighting her. One one hand she wants to have someone fight with her and on the other she can't allow someone who hasn't paid the same price go down that path. Kaname is different because she can still make a contract; Lancer never can outside of a virus.]

Magical girls from this world fight witches. We want miracles so we must earn them. [She's trying to calm herself but the shakes only get worse, creeping into her voice.]

Mami--

[A chill went up his spine at those last words. He'd traded away everything for the sake of a miracle; his freedom, happiness, and his pride itself had all been broken down in the search for a Holy Grail he could never have reached. And all the while he'd been insistent on fighting alone. Because suffering like that, fighting endlessly with nothing but his Master's happiness in mind...it was the only repentance for his own failures.]

[They really were the same. And it just wasn't fair that someone else had such a terrible existence, magical girl or otherwise. Worse still, it was too easy to imagine her ending up the same way he could have. Broken, destroyed, betrayed by everything they held faith in.]

[Or worse. Much worse, if her Soul Gem ever turned too dark.]

[Lancer looked away and directly at the floor for a moment, frustration turning his own trembling hands to fists. Why? Why was she so much like him and why couldn't he convince her to just listen?]

[Without a second thought, Lancer moved and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, his own voice clearly unsteady.]

Surviving only to suffer alone...how can you still call that a miracle?! Miracles aren't just as simple as surviving what should kill you or living when you should have died! If that was the case, then the fact that I still live and breathe is a miracle I did nothing to earn!

[He trembled slightly as he spoke, desperate to hide the anguish and pain in his own words.]

Seeing someone else in pain like I always was...I was looking for my own miracle, back then. And I never...I never found it. Not until I encountered the community and found people that believed I was worthwhile without dying for a wish that was impossible to grant.

I believe that...in all the worlds and all the universes spanning existence, the only miracle is that I'm not alone anymore. And now that the infinitesimally small chance of our two paths crossing has been achieved...neither are you.

[She understood his anger; she deserved that much. How many friends had she driven away, after all?]

Lancer--

[To say that suddenly being held came as a shock to her was an understatement. That someone, anyone, felt so strongly about her...That had been her wish, hadn't it. She had wanted to move on from that accident, to live. She wanted to die not in some car crash--she wanted to die surrounded by friends. Family. Anyone who cared about her.

Her parents were just a memory and the rest of her family was scattered across the world. As for friends, well. Mami had driven most of her childhood ones away.

She didn't push away even though she probably should have.]

I apologize. I didn't mean anything by it. That's... [Her composure breaks. A sob creeping up into voice. Then another. She was always so careful not to cry in front of another person. That was a luxury she couldn't afford.

A person who spent so much time on themselves only deserved to cry without company. To mourn in an empty apartment or a bathroom stall with snickering classmates so near.] I didn't realize. I'm sorry!

[She understood. She did. That she had the singular chance to change the world and the only thing she did was damn herself to an endless fight against monsters she could never understand...that she'd never be recognized for her work or have time for much else... That was unforgivable.

The fact that nobody would blame her for it just what made it worse.

Yet here he was. Trying to tell her that he understood her pain, her loneliness. That he would be there.

It wasn't like when Kaname said she'd help. Kaname--sweet, innocent, naive Kaname--meant well and Mami would never think ill of her but it was clear she'd never take that step. For all her potential power, Kaname wouldn't pull the trigger and make a contract. Not that Mami blamed her. She had the luxury of time. She cared for Mami, surely, but she wouldn't go the extra distance. Not for her.

Sakura might have. A long time ago, maybe. Sakura moved on like Mami should have.] I--must sound like such a selfish child.

[She tries to talk more. To voice how she felt so lonely. How she wanted to share her life--this one rare chance--and the pain she felt knowing that she couldn't. Not really. She couldn't get a boyfriend (or a girlfriend for that matter). She couldn't have any close friends. It...

Her sobs are quicker, now. It makes it difficult to talk and she doesn't try to. The mask of the dependable senior, the one who's always composed and in top form was shattered.

Mami was scared at how fast it was gone.]

This kindness of yours...I'm so sorry...

You're not selfish, Mami. No more than I am, surely.

[He let her cry without objecting or pulling away--how many times had he just wished he could break and cry his heart out at the sheer hopelessness of his situation? Enough that he couldn't help thinking he didn't have all that many tears left to shed, at least.]

And don't--please, don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong, I promise you that. I just don't...want you to be alone. I don't want anyone to suffer like I used to.

No one deserves something like that. Least of all someone as brave as you.

[She wants to say she's not brave at all. Why was everyone saying she was? Brave, amazing, cool, mature, selfless. People use those words to describe and she always wondered why. Surely someone like Lancer wouldn't have a need to compliment her, to say things like this.

She continues to cry. She wants to pull away now. To pull away and find somewhere private. They were practically strangers--but everyone was a stranger to her these days.] I... [She reaches out, touching his chest. Just to make sure that he was there. That he would disappear; that this wasn't a dream or a witch's curse.]

It's been a while since anyone did something like this for me. [Held her. Comforted her.]

...I'm sure it has been. [Lancer smiled sadly at that, though he tried his best to make it look reassuring.]

It's hard to try and console someone when they won't tell anyone they're hurting. But...there's no shame in feeling pain. You don't have to hide it if you're unhappy.

[That much only made it worse. Gods knew he'd sure as hell tried.]

[Truth be told, she wasn't looking at his face. She was the mature one. She had to be strong--she could comfort but they wouldn't comfort her back. She had to be strong. Immovable.

Mami doesn't say anything and just leans in. She's still crying yet she leans in anyways.]

...it's alright. You don't have to carry everything alone anymore. I can help you--I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one willing to, either.

Edited 2012-06-25 06:07 (UTC)

...You sound like Kaname-chan. [She uses a familiar term without knowing it, even if her voice is still shaky.]

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