[video] // way to fall

[croibhristeoir]

[There seemed to be no question about it--he'd been disconnected. No matter how he tried, Diarmuid couldn't contact him. And oh, had he ever tried. He'd tried, tried and tried again, all for nothing. And if he'd been disconnected, that meant there was nothing Diarmuid could do anymore. And that was how he'd come to resign himself to quiet contemplation sitting on the roof of the temple in the middle of the night.]

[It wasn't fair--no, it wasn't right. He would have been fine with the unfairness of it all if he had been the one fated to die. But this was simply wrong. Of the two of them meant to die at the hands of a cruel and traitorous Master, why should it be Diarmuid Ua Duibhne who survived? What was he next to the Hound of Ulster? Nothing. He was just a coward who could only run away, and yet he was the one to live while Cu Chulainn was left to an unjust and unfitting end.]

[And of course, of course the community would be there to record him when Diarmuid just wished to be alone with his thoughts. Was it out of a sadistic desire to show he was in pain? Or was it a way of pushing him into reaching out to his friends and allies in such times? It...was alright if he did, wasn't it? Would they think less of him, knowing he was just a weak coward who thought himself a knight? Perhaps he deserved to be thought of that way.]

Some of you...were meant to die in your respective worlds, were you not? I know it is not solely myself who evaded such a thing.

Do you ever wonder why? I wish to ask if any of you have ever stopped to think 'why was I able to be saved' when so many others on or off this community are not? What makes those of us that are spared different from those that are not? Is there rhyme or reason behind it, or are such choices made only by a community with the power of a fickle and selective god?

I want to understand. I want to know why...why-...

Why was it me rather than him?

[Even heroes had heroes of their own, people they admired and looked up to. Since Diarmuid was a child, there had been no knight greater in his mind than Ireland's Prince of Light, the greatest defender of Ulster. Diarmuid carried fond memories of hearing tales of his exploits exchanged among the Fianna, and vividly recalled dreaming of being a knight even half as loyal and courageous as he was.]

[But now he knew he wasn't and he never could be. What was Cu Chulainn renowned for? Being an impenetrable defense for Ulster, for sacrificing everything to protect his homeland? And Diarmuid? He was famous for stealing a woman and running. Pathetic. His life had no right to take priority over Cu Chulainn's, and the fact that Diarmuid survived while the other Lancer would not was inexcusable.]

[It simply was not right, and yet this was one injustice even a knight of the Fianna could not correct.]

Comments

[video]

[aquaticrush]

I don't know if I can help at all, but I've died before, so...

*Still so, so awkward. She looks away from the camera.*

[video]

[croibhristeoir]

...Can I ask how you came back, or would it be too personal a question?

[video]

[aquaticrush]

I think it's something that only exists here. Nobody else has heard of Mu Aqua. It's something deep in the waters of the earth -- it can restore anything and purify anything.

[video]

[harlol]

Oh, noooooo. Are you okay?

[video]

[croibhristeoir]

I'm fine. That is exactly the problem.

[video]

[harlol]

Somebody else isn't?

[Video]

[material_guy]

There's no special reason to things like that. I dunno who died on you, but if there was some kinda reason, it probably wouldn't satisfy you anyway, would it?

[Video]

[croibhristeoir]

No reason could justify this.

[Video]

[material_guy]

See? So, who died?

[masked_god]

You assume that it is only on the community that people live who should have died? Would that that were the case.

I was brought back before finding this place, and it has been my continual shame that I was saved rather than one of my companions. But...it is because of my inadequacies that I was deemed worth saving. Those who are great deserve their afterlives. It is the flawed that are responsible for the worlds of the living.

[croibhristeoir]

I assume no such thing. That is just the specific situation that I find myself contemplating at the moment.

Though expanding it to a more general context leads me to ask: what of those of us given such a second chance, whether they wished for it or not? Is it wrong of us to exist when they have had their chance at life? To live again when all they know and love has long since been reduced to naught but tales and memories?

[masked_god]

I think I can only offer you the same answer. Those who are perfect deserve a happy ending, even if that ending is death. Those who still have work to do are the ones brought back, whether they "deserve" it or not. The best we can hope for is a second chance, correct?

Though I will admit, I wouldn't mind most of my tales to have faded, rather than be some kind of dark god.

[Three in the morning video]

[unknownrival]

[Yawning.]

We're not different in any way.

[whoops sorry bro]

[croibhristeoir]

...I apologize. I'd not meant to wake you.

[unknownrival]

I'd meant to get up about this time anyway.

[stillneedawish]

... I wonder that sort of thing a lot.

[croibhristeoir]

It does not seem to make any sense, does it?

[not_that_lockon]

You're all for the heavy questions, aren't you?

... Look, I can't say I've ever been in your shoes. Not as far as the community goes, at any rate. But my brother has. So just trust me when I say that there are people out there who are probably really glad this place and the people in it have let you dodge that bullet. Not saying it's right that there's people who haven't, and I wish I could answer your question. But sometimes you just realise you've gotta try and let it go if you can, or you'll end up going mad wondering about it all.

[croibhristeoir]

I...I'm sure there are people like that, yes. Truly, I am not sure what conclusion I am trying to reach here--whether my life as it stands is something that should not exist, or if I just-...

...I think that I feel responsible for some reason. I know that I could have done more, convinced him to take action sooner to avoid the fate the community showed us. But for my inaction, a knight far greater than myself will suffer the same end I should have.

[timey_wimey]

Oh, Diarmuid...

Did someone you know lose their access?

[croibhristeoir]

...yes. And I fear without it, his fate is to be what mine nearly was.

[originaldragoon]

I know I should have died years ago, and I suspect the reason for my survival was due to my connection with the community. I, too, often wonder "why."

[croibhristeoir]

I doubt it to be something any of us will ever understand, but...I would at least like to try.

[just pretend this isn't late k]

[anothersoul]

... Yes. I believe I've evaded death at least once. Whether that is for ill or not, is to be decided.

[totally not]

[croibhristeoir]

...I'm glad that you did, for what little it may be worth.