worst end imaginable, tbh

[iseedeadpeople]

[Welcome to 12th century Acre, ducks. Sorry it's such a shithole.

There's a guy in a white hooded robe calmly walking away from a group of guards on a dock to the next dock over, swiftly avoiding the guards patrolling that one.

He jumps off the dock onto a small boat, jumps to a larger boat, and from that onto a series of poles sticking out of the water until he gets to the lighthouse, killing the trio of guards stationed there.

The figure hops from boat to boat with notable agility, his sights set on the large ship anchored out a ways. He reaches it soon enough, dodging the odd drunk on a few of the boats, and starts to climb up the side of the ship, using any little foot- and hand-hold he can find.

He pushes himself over the railing to go onto the deck of the ship before a man in a horned helmet starts to run, a group of guards moving between the man in the hood and the guy fleeing. The hooded man runs for about two steps before one of the guards roughly shoves him backwards. His legs catch on the railing, his arms flailing around in circles and for a brief second you can see the man's face - he looks like Desmond, definitely, but something's a little... Off - his eyes wide and rather obviously panicked right before he goes flying over the edge of the ship, landing in the water below.

He doesn't resurface and everything goes white.

...And then, Desmond's disembodied voice lets out a loud, frustrated groan.]

Goddamn it! I almost had him this time! Ugh, I can't believ- ...Hey, Doc, what do you say to taking a lunch break? This is the twenty-seventh time this has happened and I doubt it'll get any easier from here.

Comments

audio;

[novicius]

...Desmond?

[NONNO IS CONFUSED.]

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[iseedeadpeople]

Naam? [Wait what the fuck noise was that? Was that even a real word?]

I mean. Yeah? Don't worry, I didn't drown, that was my swagshaying grandpa I told you about.

audio;

[novicius]

Altaïr? That's him?

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[iseedeadpeople]

Yeah that's him. Altair the Aquaphobic. Seriously, who wouldn't teach an Assassin how to swim? I would think that's something you kinda need to know.

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[novicius]

[...oh god now Ezio is laughing.]

He cannot swim? Then what is he to do if he is surrounded by water? Simply drown?

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[iseedeadpeople]

Considering I just drowned as him about thirty-five times? I'd say that's exactly what he does.

Either that or he goes boat-and-pole hopping and hopes for the best.

audio;

[novicius]

It seems rather ridicolo. If he is an assassin then why does he not swim?

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[iseedeadpeople]

Well he lives in a desert so usually he doesn't need to swim, so I'm guessing no one ever bothered to teach him assuming he'd never end up trying to kill someone on a boat because that would just be silly.

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[novicius]

[You can literally see his face on the other end due to his tone. So so so confused.]

Dio, if one thing is for sure, I don't envy him or his lack of swimming.

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[iseedeadpeople]

Definitely not. First thing I do when I get out of here is going to be breaking into the pool of some country club and go swimming just to spite this guy. [He's a game too soon, but close.]

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[novicius]

[And he's also a game too soon to note that he's talking to his grandfather.]

...a country club? Pool?

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[iseedeadpeople]

[...Right the 15th century probably doesn't have that shit.]

Yeah, a pool is... A man-made lake that they make sure doesn't have tapeworms in it. And a country club is... A... [Damn it why didn't Desmond pay more attention to this shit :T] A guild I guess? It's where rich people go to get food, play games with each other, and swim, and mock poor people.

audio;

[novicius]

[GOOD JOB NIPOTE, EZIO UNDERSTANDS.]

Ah, capisco. So it is like the baths in Rome.

[dekillerqueen]

I... presume this has something to do with your captivity?

[iseedeadpeople]

Yeah, this is what the doc wants me to do. Relive this guy's life. Shame he can't swim, because it's really annoying in cases like this.

[dekillerqueen]

I am not quite certain if I understand, but very well.

[iseedeadpeople]

It's like a virtual reality kinda deal if that helps any.

[dekillerqueen]

Hmm. I am not too... well versed in science-fiction.

[iseedeadpeople]

Yeah, neither was I three days ago. Now I'd almost consider myself some kind of expert. A really unwilling expert.

[dekillerqueen]

Have you had the chance to search for a way out?

[iseedeadpeople]

I'm working on it. So far all I've got is plexiglass windows that don't open that lead to a sheer drop of about eight stories, a door that locks from the outside, a conference room that leads nowhere, and a bunch of codes to the few doors around here I even have the ability to unlock.

And email passwords. I have a shitton of email passwords.

[dekillerqueen]

I see. So you have some liberty to move around?

[iseedeadpeople]

Yeah, but "some" is the key word there, considering what little freedom I do have is seriously overrated.

[dekillerqueen]

Hmm.

May I ask you to inform me if you make any progress?

[iseedeadpeople]

Yeah, sure. I'll let you know if I get anywhere with this.

Thanks for caring, I guess.