005 ✪ [Video]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

[It's a video feed. A very dramatic video feed. There is a shadow in silhouette, but instead of the moon behind him, it's very obviously artificial light, probably a spotlight up on some helicopter pad. SHIELD installations are well-equipped.

A breeze picks up, and an equally dramatic rush of papers fly by, what little can be seen are obviously classified reports, much of the information redacted.

The silhouette steps forward then, and there's really no mistaking Coulson.

Except he's not in a suit. He's in a very short skirt. Black. Still wearing a tie though. Some things are a universal constant.]

There's obviously some evil plot going on now. Some sinister scheme that we're only seeing the beginnings of.

But know this!

Wherever evil is lurking, I will find it! I am...

The sailor soldier of Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics!
Sailor SHIELD!

[And he strikes a pose, though it's much more "gun drawn and aimed at the camera" than anything else.]

In the name of SHIELD
I will debrief you!

Comments

[video]

[nofondueforyou]

[ ... ]

[ wat ]

Agent Coulson?

[video]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

[...his identity! HIS SUPER SECRET IDENTITY.

Oh wait.]

No, I'm Sailor SHIELD. Defender of the innocent.

[video]

[nofondueforyou]

Oh. That sounds like...quite the promotion.

[ video ]

[doyoufondue]

[ what the hell is going on... ]

Um.

[ video ]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

[Coulson's worst nightmare. He just doesn't know it yet.]

Captain Rogers. Is there something wrong?

[Because if there is, Sailor SHIELD is totally on the case.]

[ video ]

[doyoufondue]

[ stare ]

I'm not sure. The situation is a little tarfu but ...you just uh-- debrief people. I guess.

[kittyhell]

Nice legs. [You need a mask...you seriously need a mask.]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

[Masks. Pfff. His disguise is already foolproof. Except, you know, not even close.

Don't mind him blushing.] My legs aren't the issue. Evil is afoot!

[kittyhell]

[Something evil is afoot alright...it's that outfit.

But she'll keep it to herself...because who is she to judge really.] I'm sorry, I just can't get over your legs. So what is this evil?

[ perma-anon text ]

[seasaltzombie]

[ because the also-affected ex-member of a shadowy organisation turned anonymous helper of sailor scouts would rather keep a low profile. speaking of which... ]

debriefing's one i haven't heard before.

[ perma-anon text ]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

It's a crucial skill, the only way to piece together the facts of an event that you didn't witness firsthand.

[schrodingersghost]

[Now normally Danny would he hopelessly confused by this. And snickering. Definitely snickering.

That is, if he hadn't been affected by the virus himself. Which explains the slight changes to his ghost form. The tiny white mask. The white cape blowing in an inexplicable breeze. And can't forget the rose in his hand.

Say hello to Tuxedo Phantom.]

No matter the pestilential plot, evil will never triumph!

[notmyfirstrodeo]

[HELLO TUXEDO PHANTOM. Excellent. There were way too many non-believers here.]

Exactly! It can't be allowed to succeed. The forces of good can never rest.

[dekillerqueen]

... Debrief? Is that, ah... effective for you?

[Please don't mind the civilian asking you questions, Coulson. Because he is definitely a civilian and an absolutely normal citizen, rather than a gentleman in a tuxedo who regularly aids those who need it.]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

Extremely. Information is the greatest weapon that we have.

[Hello civilian. No suspicions here. Yet.]

[locked]

[asdamaged]

... I'm pretty sure we're supposed to keep it a secret.

[locked]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

Evil needs to know that there are people here to stand against it!

[Also he totally felt compelled to make a speech.]

[piercethecharts]

Debriefing, hmm? That's much easier with that skirt!

[notmyfirstrodeo]

The skirt's just a uniform. But it serves its purpose.

[ video ]

[deadlydoctor]

[Sorry Phil, Knock Out is laughing so so much.]

[ video ]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

There's nothing funny about this. This is all gravely serious.

[Says the man striking a dramatic pose in a miniskirt.]

[Video]

[becomethemask]

[Blake thinks that you are a bit too old to be trying this roleplaying things. No offense.]

Sir there are children in this community....perhaps you should put on some pants.

[Video]

[notmyfirstrodeo]

[Oh god he is way way way too old to be cosplaying. He's been too old for it since he was 9 or so. But here he is.]

The skirt is the least of anyone's worries, children or otherwise. There is a major threat upon us.

[the_right_push]

[...

...

...]

Somehow I don't believe that's anywhere near standard issue.

[notmyfirstrodeo]

[...somewhere deep inside where the crazy hasn't penetrated, Coulson is very clearly thinking "fuck. my. life."]

Not standard issue sir. Nothing standard about the destiny that comes with it either.