[video]

[docfoul]

[The scene? Scratch's mansion, once again. The participants? Scratch himself, as usual, and... a couple of green guys with colourful hats. They aren't important, really; Scratch is. That much becomes evident once he starts singing to an iconic tune...]


I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a tuskbeast's backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride

It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A whole new beginning
Is nearing and nearing

And where do we feature?

Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But you've been rewarded
And at last you'll be given your dues!
The timeline inevit'bly squared
Be prepared!

Yeah! Be prepared. We'll be prepared! For what?

For the death of your superior.

Are you sick?

... No. I am going to die. That hasn't stopped being a thing which will happen.

Oh, cool! Who needs a boss anyway?
No boss, no boss! La la la la la!

You have another boss, you know.

But you said...

... [Scratch stops. The background music screeches to a halt.] Well. It seems our little musical number has been forced to stop, for the very simple reason that it would not work from here on. At least... not without being incredibly contrived. Move along now, you two.

[This is so incredibly stupid.]

Comments

[tenminutes]

You know, for all the times you keep saying you're going to die, I'm almost 100% sure the comm is going to find a way around that just to prove you wrong, Mr. Omniscience.

it is now completely obvious that I wrote this post in a less-than-ideal state of health

[docfoul]

That would be troublesome, to say the least.

LMAO i like it though...

[tenminutes]

Why?

[docfoul]

My master cannot enter this universe until I die, you see.

[tenminutes]

Why not just worldhop out?

[docfoul]

No. I wish to die.

[tenminutes]

I knew there was something that always bothered me about you.

[docfoul]

Is there?

[tenminutes]

I don't understand how anyone cannot at least have a will to live on.

[docfoul]

I've lived long enough.
Shouldn't it be time for a change of pace?

[tenminutes]

How long have you lived? If it's less than 100 years I'm going to smack you.

[docfoul]

That would feel like practically yesterday to me.
No, I have been alive for almost as long as there has been life in the planet I oversee.
That is to say, for millions and millions of years.

[tenminutes]

How are you not an insane person? All people who live forever go crazy, you know.

[docfoul]

The full scope of the knowledge I possess would no doubt drive a normal human being to madness as well.
My mind is not that of a human being.

[tenminutes]

So are you omniscient because you've been alive for so long or has that always happened since you were a wee little hand puppet?

[docfoul]

I am omniscient by nature.
Any first guardian with a host of great intelligence in their ectobiological origin will necessarily be near-omniscient.

[tenminutes]

First guardian?

[docfoul]

That is what I am.

[tenminutes]

Guardian of what?

[docfoul]

Alternia.

[tenminutes]

Which is? Stop answering with vague answers that you know I don't understand. [ LMAO SHE NEVER... ACTUALLY LEARNED ANYTHING ABOUT SCRATCH OKAY.. ]

[docfoul]

[IT'S COOL Scratch just likes the sound of his own voice.]

The planet I serve as a first guardian of.

[tenminutes]

I'm going to worldhop over and hit you.

[docfoul]

If you do, then I will gladly offer you some candy.

[tenminutes]

For a guy who's been around so long, you sure have no idea what makes you seem like you'd probably be the kind of guy who drives around in a van with no windows trying to talk to little girls.

[docfoul]

You can't apply human standards of conduct to a being like me. It is pointless and, frankly, a bit stupid.
Besides, I have no need a van.

[tenminutes]

Have I ever once argued that I'm not stupid? [ SHE KNOWS IT ALREADY ] Anyway, whether you think you are or not that's what it looks like to other people so you can't just say it doesn't matter.

[docfoul]

But it doesn't. There is literally not one thing about it that is of any consequence.

[tenminutes]

There will be! Karma and all that.

[docfoul]

Karma is an interesting concept.
I don't believe it has anything to do with me.

[tenminutes]

It does, since you keep saying you're going to die! You're too old to end up in a place like I am, you'll just go straight to being a barnacle in the next life.

[docfoul]

Ah, another amusing human concept.

[tenminutes]

You say amusing, but here I am in an afterlife dictated by reincarnation.

[docfoul]

So? The afterlife in my world works much differently.

[tenminutes]

You're omniscient, they can't just go lumping you in with everyone else in the afterlife!

[docfoul]

And who says they will?

[tenminutes]

I do.

[ She says it like it's simple and in no way could it impede her argument. ]

[docfoul]

And how could I possibly forget your auhority?

[tenminutes]

Who knows~