[video feed / canon push]

[ninjamanager]

[the feed turns itself on to reveal a Flash video of a grinning skull, eyeballs and some of the flesh still intact. he speaks in a high-pitched voice, and every now and then, he'll just ... rotate. whoever made this doesn't have a ton in the way of Flash skills, but yet at the same time ... the little thing is compelling. it's not the longest video in the world, either, thank god. you only have to stand it for about a minute or so.

once it's over, the video's replaced with a live, if grainy feed of Charles leading two acne-ridden young men down a corridor. they look like the cliche definition of obsessed fan trash: one of them is tall and rail-thin, the other obese and wheelchair-bound, the arm of his chair covered with computer parts. both are wearing glasses and trying their best to look intimidating.

Charles looks about fifty billion times more intimidating, and he's not even trying. he presses both buttons on a call pad, and soon a gigantic freight elevator arrives. the three climb in, and there is a heavy, awkward silence. Charles makes an effort, speaking to the one in the wheelchair:]

So, uhhh. Where you guys from?

Sandusky, Ohio.

Oh. There's an ... amusement park there, right?

Yes there is an amusement park.

Well, that's always fun.

[the elevator stops and lets them out at the end of another corridor, this one with an open ceiling. the stucco on either side is peeling away to show the brickwork underneath. here and there, the walls are riddled with bloodstains and bullet holes. Charles stands off to one side to let the fanboys out ahead of him. ominously, a raven crows somewhere, and the boys look back at him.]

Your money's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down there. Behind that door. [Charles points, then leans ahead, squinting in exaggeration] Y'see it? ... [then he looks at his watch] Hey, you better hurry up. Closing time's in two minutes.

[undeterred by the ominous portents, and spurred on by the promise of money, the boys proceed down the corridor. they don't make it more than a few feet before Charles speaks up again. his tone is blank, but there's a hint of something behind his glasses as he steps back and takes hold of the doors]

I'd serpentine if I were you. [THUD. he slams the doors shut and pulls out his Dethphone.] It's showtime. [finally, the faintest hint of a smirk... and then he realizes the feed is on]

Oh. Incidentally? Y'might not want to look.

[back out in the corridor, the brothers haven't moved. they're just looking at each other, dumbly. the squeamish might not want to look anymore]

Why should we serpentine...?

[the words are barely out of his mouth before the other one's head explodes in a hail of blood, brains, and shotgun shell. enjoy your nightmare fuel, ducks]

Comments

[second_star]

[ Oh God, what the hell? ]

That's brutal. You mind giving us a warning before that happens?

[ninjamanager]

[brutal is pretty much the perfect word, yes. Charles is back to being completely nonplussed]

I thought I just did.

[second_star]

Next time, give special attention to the head explosions...

Anyway, what the hell was that?

[ninjamanager]

Intellectual property pirates. They thought they could try and blackmail us.

[there's the tiniest lilt to his tone that suggests he thought it was cute. and then the faint sound of a hail of gunfire from the corridor]

[second_star]

Intellectual...property. Huh. [ But headexploding? ]

I'll be honest, this is better than the troll, at least.

[ninjamanager]

Yes, I'm, ah - certainly glad that that got resolved on its own. We ... made a sweep of the Mordhaus library when we got back. There, uh. Aren't any more spell books on the premises now. So ... there's that. Hopefully won't be happening again.

[second_star]

Yeah. Hopefully. But what's up with these pirates, or whatever. Doesn't look like you have anything to steal. [ No internet here pls. ] Except maybe that suit.

[ninjamanager]

They were stealing the boys' music; going to, ah, sell it, you see. When it was supposed to be an exclusive performance meant only for the people who paid to come and see the compound. Could have done us a lot of damage. Something like that would've made us at least a billion on iTunes as a single, on a bad day. Y'see?

I'M TOO USED TO PLURK CODING AHAHA

[second_star]

I actually don't. We don't have any of that here.

[ninjamanager]

I see. Well, ah. ... Basically they were trying to take something private from us that was worth a lot of money. A lot.

[ms_potts]

[HOSHIT That is NOT what she expected to see when she turned on the feed today.

Pepper drops her coffee mug, not even caring as it shatters on the floor spilling hot coffee over everything. She yelps]

Oh my god!!

[ninjamanager]

[to be fair, he DID tell you all not to look, Pepper]

It, ah - well. Couldn't be helped.

Really.

[turns off to the side and speaks to someone offscreen] Okay, 529, that should be enough. Go, uh. Go see what's left out there.

[ms_potts]

[She claps a hand over her mouth looking utterly horrified. He may have told her not to look but that doesn't stop the feed from turning on at JUST the wrong time... as usual.]

It couldn't be helped? But... what? Why? How... that's just... [She shakes her head, trying to make heads or tails of what she just saw.]

[ninjamanager]

That's how we deal with copyright infringement here. Take it very seriously. Even one leaked song for these boys is billions of dollars out of our pockets, and more importantly, taken out of the global economy.

[ms_potts]

You deal with copyright infringement by murdering people?! how is that... that's not... you can't... what?!

[What kind of a business are you running, here?!]

[ninjamanager]

Well, in extreme cases like this, yes. You have to understand, we're the eighth largest economy in the world. You can't go easy on people at this level.

[ms_potts]

[Her hysterics calm and she just stares at him incredulously]

The eighth largest economy? Who are you?

[ninjamanager]

I'm sorry, you're going to have to clarify. Are you asking me, personally, who I am, or are you asking who I represent?

[ms_potts]

[Right. Professional, Pepper. She manages a smile.]

How about both? It would be nice to know who I'm speaking with.

[ninjamanager]

Of course. Well, then. I'm Charles Foster Ofdensen, manager for Dethklok.

[docfoul]

It isn't as bad as it looks.

[ninjamanager]

[one moment, that text is really tough to deal with on a Dethphone. ah. there we go. he just had to adjust the screen brightness a little and squint through his glasses]

Mm, people overreact an awful lot here, don't they.

[docfoul]

[Ahh, Doc Scratch's brand of inconvenience. Always nice.]

Especially considering none of them have ever had their heads explode.

[ninjamanager]

Precisely. Our chef went through helicopter rotors, and he's absolutely fine with it.

[docfoul]

Perhaps you should introduce him to the community.

[ninjamanager]

Oh, I'm sure Jean Pierre will end up on the feed at one point or another.

[docfoul]

Interesting people do tend to.

[ninjamanager]

Thank you for the compliment. [that earns him a brief smile] You know, I don't think I've caught your name.

[docfoul]

Hee hee.
Nobody has. However, you may call me Doc Scratch.

you saw no login fail

[ninjamanager]

And I'm Charles, Charles Ofdensen. It's a pleasure, Mr. Scratch. What is it that you do, if, ah, you don't mind my asking?

certainly not!

[docfoul]

I am dead.

[ninjamanager]

[w e l p]

And yet somehow you can still communicate with all of us? That's quite a talent, I have to say.

[docfoul]

Do you think so?
I, on the other hand, find it quite underwhelming, in comparison to my living days.

[ninjamanager]

Underwhelming, huh? ... Well ... I was thinking more along the lines that not many people can say they're able to communicate with people once they've died.

[docfoul]

I don't find it all that remarkable.
It isn't even unique among the community.

[ninjamanager]

... Really? Now, that's something I hadn't heard before. Is there any explanation for how it might be possible?

[docfoul]

Of all the things you have been confronted with here, you want an explanation for that?

[ninjamanager]

Let's just say it's of interest to me. ..... We incur a lot of casualties here among the staff, and something like that could save me a lot of time and capital on rehiring.

[docfoul]

In that case, you should begin by making them access the community.

[ninjamanager]

So.... Wait. The community itself is what makes it possible? .... But it's just an information network...

Then again, my boys are just a band, and they summoned a lake troll...

[docfoul]

You still believe it's "just" an information network?

Well, I suppose your circumstances make such amusing lack of awareness somewhat justified.

[ninjamanager]

Well, I'm a busy man. You have to allow for the fact that I haven't had ample time to fully explore its contents or extent, yet.

[docfoul]

Certainly.

[ninjamanager]

I'll have to pencil some time in, have a good, deliberate look around. It seems I've been somewhat remiss in not doing so, by your suggestion.