dramadramaduck | 33. solicited anonymity

[anon, published simultaneously on the network and in the school papers]

Hello, members of this glorious institution! You're here with me, Love Master Tori, here again to brighten up your world by fixing the problems in your lives. So...

LET THE LOVE ADVICE and general advice BEGIN

Okay, so our first letter is...

Supposed 'Love Master',

How are you supposed to suddenly be more open to other people about a relationship you've been keeping secret for a while? Let's say it's difficult since a certain someone would yell enough to cause an avalanche despite the lack of snow around here if they knew.

Sincerely,

This is ridiculous.

Dear Ridiculous,

If this is Yuri trying to cover up the whole Battler thing, I guess you've already resolved that by now. If not... have courage! Even the most steadfast of overprotective siblings or parents or possessive friends who not-so-secretly want you all to themselves will get it someday. Let them know you're no different from before. I know it's all kinds of difficult, but it'll be worth it.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori.

---

All Hail Love Master Tori,

So, let’s say there’s this fellow you fancy, someone who’s wickedly smart and intense and gorgeous. Let’s say you like them enough that you have, on several occasions, attempted to strike up a conversation.

Let’s say that every time you try, they use parkour to scale a building and leap across rooftops to the other side of campus.

Do you think there’s a chance you could still grab their attention, or should one merely resign oneself to drowning their sorrows in a bottle of scotch?

Sincerely,

Using Ninja Moves Is Unfair, Darling

Dear Stalking a Ninja,

You should seek help for that.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori.

---

Ey,

There's that guy after me. He keeps calling me ridiculous pet names. Kicking doesn't work. How to make him stop?

Dear No-name,

Judging by the previous letter... become a ninja.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori.

---

Dear Toori,

I wreally think somebuody should put up more maps. It's hard two find my way to clas.s.

~~Wheel~~ Will you ask them? Thanks.

Dear At-least-you're-learning-to-spell,

Sorry, I'm not affiliated with the dean or the student union. I guess you could start up a petition, though. If that fails, give the geography club something to do aside from debate whether Sandy Island is real.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori.

---

Dear Love Master Tori,

I think I like two boys...

Desperate for help,

Confused

Dear Confused,

Lucky.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori.

---

Well, that's all the time we have for today. Post your replies and I'll get to them as soon as I can!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Dear Love Master Tori,

I like a guy, but his father doesn't approve of me and I don't think he ever will. How to go about things?

Sincerely,
Not All That Bad

Love Master Tori,

How old is too old?

Infatuated

Dear Love Master Tori,

What are good gift ideas for a new boyfriend? We haven't been dating very long so I'm not sure what to do about Christmas.

Sincerely,

Presently Lost

Edited 2012-11-27 01:23 (UTC)

Dear Not Bad,

Try asking nicely and acting nice and friendly like you've probably been doing; sometimes they can change their minds. If dream-guy's dad still gets mad at your existence? Elope.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori

I've been doing that for a couple years now. Elopement sounds pretty good.

Dear Infatuated,

Depends on how old the two (or more) of you are. I'm going to assume you're at least seventeen if you go here, but if you're one of those ten-year-old genius kids we occasionally get, you should probably only date other ten-year-old genius kids. If we're talking within the realms of average post-secondary age, then it depends. Being a twenty-one-year-old who just happens to be dating an eighteen-year-old is pretty different from being one of those seniors who regularly gives groups of freshmen the campus tour that ends on their bed. And if you're our age and dating a seventy-year-old, you're probably a gold digger.

No offence if you are a gold digger.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori

Dear Present Pun,

What does he like? If you've only known each other for a week you might not want to get him a five-hundred-dollar camera, but a case and some batteries might be good.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori

Dear Love Master Tori,

Think twenty-two and... you know, I don't know the precise age, but I'd say no more than thirty?

Sincerely,
Probably Should Ask About That Directly

I'm sure someone will let you guys live in their house while you get on your feet if you do.

Yeah, the people here are pretty nice like that.

Dear You're Probably Right,

Half-your-age-plus-seven rule. You barely pass.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori

Most of them.

Dear Love Master Tori,

That's good to know. I'd be disappointed to have to wait a few years.

Sincerely,
Ridiculously Infatuated

Obviously. No college is perfect.

At least Great-Grandma Evil seems to be driven off today. She'll be back next week with another stupid threat.

Dear Infatuated,

Sometimes it's painful. Don't worry, though, you should be fine. Someone has to be happy.

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori

Thank you.

Love Master Tori offers these services to all.

I'm not scared of that old bat.

Her type likes to come crawling out of the gutter every once in a while.

...I'm really glad things worked out on their own before these got published.

I'm glad to hear it, mystery person.

Hey, Tori,

Got any ideas for making extra cash? There's something I'd like to buy for someone.

Still broke,

Bummed Out

Dear Bum,

Try shovelling people's snow, doing their homework for them, and if you're really desperate, setting up a shameless fundraiser with a little sign that says "all proceeds go to not having to eat instant noodles three meals a day".

Sincerely,

Love Master Tori

We can send her back in.

Page 1 of 4

33. solicited anonymity

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

[Anon]

no subject

[anon]

[ anon ]

[anon]

[Anon]