[Video - Mushroom Samba Virus] Sandwich Funeral

[smokepraylove]

[The camera opens with a rustling of pages; his device is clearly a book, one he's trying to keep from closing on itself by folding it open and sticking it deeply enough in the sand to hold its position. The scene is nothing but desert sand every which way, with a motorbike and a large cloth-wrapped cross (around 7 feet tall) in the nearby background.]

It may be a little blasphemous for his funeral rites to be performed by the one who killed him, but there isn't a village or a Chaplain for iles, and his family deserves closure.

[As he says this, he holds up a half-eaten slice of bread with what looks like peanut butter in one hand, and a baggie of uneaten bread from which the slice likely came in another. Continuing his lament, he plops the 'family' bag down unceremoniously, all while treating the 'dead man' slice very gingerly. He holds it in one carefully flat, open palm, the other hand digging a hole in the sand, meant to be its grave.]

I've never seen bread so lively before in the natural world, so this must be related to you, Community. That doesn't excuse what I've done, but I thought that you should be involved. That you'd want to be involved. [With a sigh, he lowers the half eaten slice down into the shallow little hole and begins taking out the other slices of bread, lying them around appropriately.] Ashes to ashes, ducks to ducks...

Would anybody like to say a few words?

[His attention turns to one of the slices of bread in attendance, frowning awkwardly but no less deeply as it lies there inanimately and certainly not saying a thing. Still, he nods on occasion, shifting uncomfortably until finally speaking again.] Yes. Yes, I'm sure the rest of the family also has many memories to share... Ah, and if anybody out there [He gestures to the camera.] would like to speak, even if you can't be here in person, I'm sure it would mean a lot.

Comments

[icantbelievethis]

...

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

Ah! The little lady has a few words to say! [The bread slices aren't looking at her expectantly. Rather, they have no eyes; they're not looking at anything, and it's entirely beyond their capacity to have the quality known as 'expectant' to them, outside of his delusions.

So he has to look expectant enough for all of them.

He fails. No matter how delusional, it's bread. Even if he thinks it's sentient bread, this is decidedly more something he's doing out of guilt than genuinely respectful, lamenting sentiment.

Which makes it all the more important to get somebody else involved to help pull this off better. An insincere funeral is just cold. Even for bread.] Go on, go on.

[Video]

[icantbelievethis]

Are you high?

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

[He looks left, then right, then leans in towards the book/camera, pulling out a hand full of cigarette papers still littered with traces of its nicotine and other additives.] I actually wondered about that myself, but these looked pretty normal. I'm a little afraid to unwrap another one...

[Video]

[icantbelievethis]

...Virus.

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

I knew these "viruses" could be terrible things, but has it always had the power over life and death itself like this? To be able to give life is... That's not a shady organization's shadow work, that's more of a power for deities, with books and buildings and followers.

[Video]

[icantbelievethis]

You should have seen the time it gave us whatever we wished for.

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

Whatever? As in, anything? When is that virus coming back?

[Video]

[icantbelievethis]

How am I supposed to know? Anyway, it took away my lifetime supply of chocolate at the end of the virus anyway.

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

The community giveth and the community taketh away.

[He then grimaces, slowly turning to look over his shoulder at the 'funeral' taking place. There's nobody saying anything, but he would swear that the crusty little buggers are snapping at him that he is the one who took the life of semi-eaten, peanut buttered slice they're gathered to mourn. His discomfort turns to a more clear annoyance, made possible by telling himself that this is, in all likelihood, a virus. He faces the book again with a mumble.] How long until it taketh away again...

[Video]

[icantbelievethis]

Uh... are you okay there?

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

I'll manage. We all have weights we have to carry...

The chocolate you were given, was it also alive?

[Video]

[icantbelievethis]

...No. It was just food.

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

And that was your wish? A lifetime supply of chocolate?

[Video]

[icantbelievethis]

It sounds pretty stupid now that I think of it again.

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

You're sure you didn't just eat what would be a lifetime's supply for most people in that short time?

[dekillerqueen]

... Excuse me, but are you holding a funeral for bread?

[Video]

[smokepraylove]

To be honest, I thought it was... [He looks to the slices of bread laid about on the sand. With a grimace, he loses his nerve to say how bizarre he finds it with those eyes (the ones that Shelly cannot see) on him, with those whispers (the ones that Shelly cannot hear) starting amongst them about his crime.

He swallows, as if swallowing his pride itself to admit it, without making excuses.] Yes.

[dekillerqueen]

[Okay. It's virus time, isn't it? It probably is. Ugh, why did he even reply to this post.]

... Pray tell, how did it perish?

[smokepraylove]

[His brow twitches, giving Shelly a look that seems to suggest he's a sick man for even asking; is he in with the bread? He is, isn't he? Is this supposed to be a public confessional?] When I bit into him after our fight.

[dekillerqueen]

[Shelly's initial stretch of silence, in turn, seems to suggest he heard at least one thing he was not expecting to.]

You... fought bread?

[smokepraylove]

Valiantly! Far from self defense, it wasn't just trying to flee, it was attacking!

[dekillerqueen]

How... savage.

[smokepraylove]

He dodged the knife even while trying to take it right out of my hands! Then finally I managed to get some peanut butter on the little bastard... That must have weighed him down. He wasn't half as feisty after that... [There's an unspoken but, for he doesn't sound too proud of his victory.]

[dekillerqueen]

Perhaps "he" had realised "his" time had come.

[smokepraylove]

Still, that sound "he" made when I sank my teeth in...

[dekillerqueen]

... Sound, you say.

[smokepraylove]

I know what you're thinking: "It's bread."

[dekillerqueen]

... Yes, I must confess so.

[smokepraylove]

That's exactly what made it pierce the heart! That sound was so alive, then so... so...! From bread! A vegetarian diet staple! It's not just a single heartbreaking story, but enough to put a man off of eating anything at all!

[dekillerqueen]

I... see. [Community shenanigans. That's what's going on, right?]

[smokepraylove]

Mm, mm. As long as you see. And, now that you do see.... [He moves away from the camera to give a better view of the slices of bread strewn about the half-eaten slice in the hole.] You look like a well spoken, sensitive, understanding man. Even if he was bread, a few words would be...

[dekillerqueen]

I am... terribly sorry. This is not really my, ah, field of expertise.

[smokepraylove]

Have some mercy. If you don't say something, his family will have to sit through his own murderer giving his eulogy.