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mistershake.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
dramadramaduck2007-09-08 08:42 pm
Return Of The Shake
Gawd! I leave for five minutes and look at what happens!
When I left, this place was nothing less than a gleaming hub of intellectual intercourse. Say it with me now. Intercourse. Let it roll off the tongue. Intercourse. But then some stupid virus hits the community, and the whole thing turns to crap! You're like wolves! Hell, you're less than wolves! Wolves don't let themselves get taken over by viruses. Ever see that movie Outbreak? With Dustin Hoffman? There were no wolves in that movie. Although there may have been a coyote or two. Or maybe that was Coyote Ugly. I dunno, I didn't watch it.
I guess I shouldn't be so surprised that this place is falling to pieces. You guys need a role model. Somebody to show you what's what. Someone who can put his foot down and speak his mind about viruses and wolves. And Dustin Hoffman. Someone who just happens to be a friggin' movie star.
That's right. I'm in a movie. A very successful movie, I might add. And even if you haven't seen it yet, you're probably planning to. And even if you're not planning to see it, it will be shown to you. Clockwork Orange style. Except without the lousy classical music. I can't rock out to Beethoven, baby. I need some hardcore death metal. That's what gets me off. Metal.
The music, not the alloy.
So anyway. That's what I've been doing. Filming a movie. And winning several awards. Some of them for my poetry.
I have accolades. Who says I don't?
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What doesn't make sense here is your attitude. Comin' in here like you're friggin' Estelle Getty. It's ridiculous.
You're not a golden girl.
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Go get yourself another baby, since that's all you want.
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Give credit where credit's due, ya big chinned coyote.
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HousewaresCall me a Coyote again and I'll make sure you won't get to star in the sequel...Got it?no subject
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Wait, was Golden Girls filmed in front of a studio audience? Because that could change everything.
I need answers, dammit.
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That's why I smoke seven packs a day. Because I have friends, and you don't.
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Perhaps that was the very reason for its cancellation. Somebody brought their pet coyote to the studio, and things got out of hand. All that laughter sent it into a blood frenzy. It had to taste flesh. Golden Girl flesh.
This is a significant discovery. I'll write an award-winning book about it. Called "And Then There's Maude: The Untold Story".
Then I'll write a book about you and your difficulty accepting your identity as a coyote.
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Gimme some decent recording equipment and I'll head out into your forest and wail out some tunes. Then I'll charge you with the task of promoting my new album.
I'll call it... Michigan Coyote Murder Blues. With special guests Ace of Base.
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Shows get cancelled after being on the air for seven years in America, don't they?
I'm a human, you idiot.
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If you're a human, I'd like to see you prove it.
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See that picture that comes up every time I post? That's me.
Can you prove you're a... whatever the hell you are?
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Oh, that's you? I thought maybe you were just putting it there as if to say "Thank God I don't look like this idiot!"
Seems I was mistaken. It happens.
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There's a fine line between crazy and genius. And I walk that line every day, baby. I walk it hard.
Starring Joaquin Phoenix as Galileo.
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So are you a fan of the movie?
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Maybe it was one of your relatives. All I know is, he was garnished with a side-helping of melted plastic. The odour was enough to make your eyeballs burn from the inside. Fortunately, I had a gasmask on. Meatwad... He wasn't so lucky.
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Except the fact that you're a loser. But hey, we're all in denial about something, right?
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That means you don't ask me the questions. I come to you first and tell you what to ask me, which lets me prepare my answers in advance. To make myself sound even smarter than I already am. That's how it works in Hollywood.
Maybe you'll find out one day, when you have a bath sometime. I'm sure you have a bright future in store. As an extra.
Celebrity eludes you, and you know it.
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What, you think you're some kinda big shot analyst? Like to pretend you're good with numbers, ya friggin' geek? Well if you'd stop jerkin' off to Joss Whedon's latest creation, maybe you'd find the time to notice that my movie is a smash hit! A sensation!
Just because we were overshadowed by the release of that Bratz movie, it doesn't mean we didn't succeed. You can't compete with that kind of talent. They're Bratz. They have their own built-in fanbase. With Brat-titude, no less.
You're one of those Bratz people, aren't you! You've come to rub it in! Well I won't have it!
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Actually, I'm probably the most famous dead teenager in my world at the moment.
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Actually, I think the Bratz movie did worse than yours. Or at least, the reviews were worse. Still, you couldn't call either of them a hit.
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And my movie did just fine. If you're gonna keep claimin' otherwise, I'd like to see some sources. Sources that don't come from your buddy Harry Knowles. Because that guy has an agenda. I don't know what it is... But I will discover it. Deep within the rolls of flab that encircle him like planets orbiting the sun.
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at least I was. We're like nothing you've ever seen."Just fine" is different from a hit. I know it did just fine. Who would invest in a movie that couldn't at least break even?