dramadramaduck | (no subject)

(no subject)

So. Bats said the internet he set up would be fast, but I do not call this fast. This is snail pace slow, Bats. You fail. I could have run around the room at least five times while I was waiting for the page to load.

But hey, it's not like everything can be as fast as I am.

Speaking of which.

Hello, internet people! I am the Flash! If you haven't heard of me (and you totally should have, I'm like famous or something), then all you need to know is this: I'm the fastest man alive.

I'm also dashingly handsome, but you ain't gonna see me without the mask, sorry ladies.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What's so great about just being fast?

Well, if it were just being fast, I'd agree with you.

But I'm not just fast, I'm just about as fast as light.

I'd show you, except right now I'm in a satellite.

...Most guys wouldn't brag about being that fast. "Ladies" don't usually go for... Minutemen.

How about superheroes?

I think they still prefer a man who can take his time.

Well I may not be an expert on the matter, but I think everyone has a different opinion.

How about you make a poll then?

How fast do you like it?
One minute
One hour

Okay, fine, I'm not always fast.

You should remember what matters!

Yeah, yeah I know.

But this is kind of an awkward conversation to be having, you know? Especially with someone I don't even know.

Hurrah for the internet, I guess.

You get used to it around here. You should see the guys who think this is the place to advertise for sex.

...okay that's just gross.

Yeah, it is. But perverts keep popping up.

Well, this is the internet, after all. It probably can't be avoided.

Not even a superhero can stop them?

Well, perverts may be gross, but they're not necessarily dangerous. I do what I can, but it's a little hard to track someone down on the internet. I'm not really that technologically savvy.

I've got other stuff to worry about anyway.

Most the perverts I knew were dangerous!

Dangerous enough so that they were threatening to destroy the world, or life as we know it, or both?

But yeah, they're dangerous too. I just tend to deal with the larger scale stuff, that's all.

...Yes?

That's pretty crazy.

Normal on my world. Sort of.

...would it be rude to say I'm glad I'm not on your world?

I think I prefer the mind-controlling gorilla.

It's not so bad! After all, all those other worlds seem to have a distinct lack of beautiful boys.

Really? I hadn't noticed.

Well, how many pretty boys do you know?