Reporting For Duty

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

Hi the name's Vimes, my wife Sybil said I needed a hobby to relax myself.  As if coppering didn't already supply work, hobby and life all in one.

I live in Ankh-Morpork and work for the patrician, Vetinari, and command the Watch, making sure that people don't commit crimes.  Yeah right, whatever, the only way not to commti a crime in THIS city is to sit very quietly in your cellar, and then we'd get you for loitering.  Keeping down crime in Ankh Morpork is like keeping down water (and I use that term loosely) in the River Ankh in flooding season but we try.

Well I suppose I might as well jump in at the deep end and say hello to some of you, but I'm sure we'll get on like a house on fire.  Flames, screaming, people runnign for safety.  Sorry to anyone who thinks I am being undiplomatic but that's the way I am and don't let the badge saying "Duke" fool you, I'm really I nice person.  *Snort*  Hah it must be the way I say it.

Comments

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

Swamp Dragons?

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

Yes, small industrial grade chemical plants with an explosive reaction to indigestion. When a small damp head lands on your lap when you're eating you just keep feeding it and hope it doesn't hiccup.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

? I don't really get that, but it sounds pretty fun! ^__^

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

Well put it this way. If they get sad, they explode, if they get happy, they explode. If they do ANYTHING they explode. The actual dragons died out long ago (apparently they "left" for somewhere else) and swamp dragons are all that's left. I just tend to sue them to light cigars, Sybil doesn't approve though.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

Explode if they do anything?

Now THAT is cool! If I got Skogul in the face with one of those she'd never know what hit her!

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

I take it Skogul is a Mandragora. But I'll warn you, Sybil would be VERY cross with you for even joking about that. Someone once stole one of herdragons and ble wit up to break into a museum. She told me that such people should be hung drawn and quartered.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Skogul's a Mandragora and the baddest of the bad!

Who said I was kidding? If I got that berserker with one just by accident, then it would be worth it. Besides, you said they blow up whatever you do anyway, right?

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

Yes, well... Sybil tries to make sure they DON'T explode. And they don't LITERALLY explode all the time, wouldn't be much of a species if they did.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

Oh come on! They could multiply quickly, right~~? >:D

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

*Sigh* I think you are taking me far too literally.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

I am?
Geez, come on, lighten up? It could happen. :DDD

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

I happen to be MARRIED to the world expert on swamp dragons so excuse me when I say "No it couldn't."

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

*tut* Awww, you're no fun.

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

I'm a policeman, we're not meant to be fun. If we were fun then, well... Well for a start I think Nobby would be out on his ear.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and I'm a defender of a planet against the baddies who could destroy the entire universe which would include your Ank-Morpork place, but you don't see me being all sourpussy, right~~?

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

Hmm well we've never had an inter-chelonian war before. You know what I hate most about war?

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

The fact that everyone ends up fighting over some silly little reason that no-one can remember?

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

No, that its always the little person who loses. All the tob nobs get off scot free. If countries were men scrapping in the gutter I'd just get Carrto or Detritus to bang them together till they stopped, but you can't just bang countries together. Believe me, I've tried.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

Wow, I never thought of it that way.

You been in any wars, Sam?

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

Well there was the "Glorious 23rd of May" when I was a pillock, then there was the "Glorious 23rd of May" again a year or so ago (hole in time, long story, ended up teaching myself to be a copper), then we had that whole business with Borogravia where i had to sort it out through politics *wince*, I never thought I'd be a politician. And then there was Koom Valley recently, there's ALWAYS Koom Valley, but this was the last one 'cos we managed to stop it.

Cultural note: Koom Valley was a battle where both trolls AND dwarfs ambushed each other at the same time. Or so they thought, long story cut short, dwarfs and trolls are now speaking to each other again and reaching a shaky peace. Luckily there was less politics on my end that time.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

Heheh, eventful huh? Almost as much as Earthsong. ^^;

Politics? Well at least there's not really much of that here. :D

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

Lucky you. Mind you, Fred and Nobby have been in they share of wars too. Fred's served under various armies over the years, Nobby hasn;t exactly served armies as much as helped himself. Mostly to the contents of various warehouses and the remains of the battlefield.

[purple-havenite.livejournal.com]

>.< Your world sounds so confusing! :D So you probably don't want someone like me there. I'd just confuse you more!

[dukesammy.livejournal.com]

No-o that's probably true. Its bad enough with dwarfs and trolls and vampires and werewolfs, I;m not quite sure that Ankh-Morpork is ready for you yet.