003; [video - fail!locked from Rachel and Finn]

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

[It’s a few hours after this conversation, about dawn. The camera comes on to reveal a young man, normally polished and collected, sitting at his desk in the middle of a ravaged room. His head is bowed, with one beat up, cut hand covering his face. His other hand, worse if that’s possible, joins it and he just sits there with the camera on for a good minute or so.

Finally, he sits back in his chair so the picture is more than just a close-up of his beaten hands and there’s a visible hole in the wall over his left shoulder and an overturned bookcase atop his bed. He runs his hands down his face and sighs before pulling them away. He looks tired and angry, but more than that he looks heartbroken. When he speaks, it’s slow and deliberate, and you can tell he’s at the end of what feels like the worst night of his life.]

I never thought I’d be…making one of these, asking for advice. But, well. A lot of things have happened recently that I never thought would or even could. So, this is just one more, I guess.

[Closing his eyes, he sighs again, but it’s harsher this time, like he’s trying to get himself to focus.]

I know that there are a lot of people in this community that have…really lived. Loved people, lost them, that kind of thing. [There’s a long pause where he seems to be thinking of someone in particular.] Is there a limit to how much heartache you can take from one person? Even if that person is your soulmate, can they hurt you so immensely that there’s no way to get past it?

[He looks down at his hands, shaking his head.] I’ve just been thinking about that a lot tonight and I need some guidance.

[He glances at the camera again and curls into himself, looking uncommonly vulnerable, before shutting off the feed.]

Comments

[1/idk]

[negative-five.livejournal.com]

[Rachel looks... ragged. She's in her room, eyes red and bloodshot as though she's been crying all night, her phone clear across the room somewhere on the floor, as though she tossed it. She doesn't seem to notice that she's being recorded until it's too late, her eyes wide as she's caught off guard. Somehow, something tells her she wasn't supposed to see this.]

Jesse.

[2/idk]

[negative-five.livejournal.com]

[Fresh tears grab hold of her as she buries her face in her hands, shaking her head against them as she sobs again, one of the two running into her hair to grab hold of it, tearing at it helplessly.]

[3/4]

[negative-five.livejournal.com]

[Finally she lifts tear-stained eyes back up to the screen, swallowing hard as she looks at him.]

You...

[4/5 I lied]

[negative-five.livejournal.com]

[negative-five.livejournal.com]

You haven't lost me.

[exceedingwords.livejournal.com]

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

That makes sense. But how do you know if you've reached that point?

[suchprettyscars.livejournal.com]

Why take all the heartache, then? Why not give some of it back?

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

Because I still love her, and that doesn't change just because she hurt me.

[number1112.livejournal.com]

How can you be sure they're your soulmate? If they're hurting you that much, maybe they're not.

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

I don't know. It's just never been a question before. I always believed, no matter how much we hurt each other, that we would make it eventually.

[chaos-godess.livejournal.com]

Nobody here lives more than I did, and trust me honey love doesn't worth it. love it's just an illusion.

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

Maybe you're right.

[Video]

[notasinglelady]

You should get someone to take a look at your hands, Jesse.

[Locked]

What happened? What did Rachel do?

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

I will. I'll be fine.

[locked]

She said some hurtful things to me. It was just a bad night.

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

What Kurt said.

And they invented punchbags for a reason.

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll be fine.

I didn't really have one handy, but I'll keep that in mind.

[glass-secret.livejournal.com]

Yes. And if this person is constantly breaking your heart, you may want to rethink the whole 'soulmate' thing, because chances are, that is not what they are.

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

I've been rethinking it a lot lately. I've always thought she and I would make it, but maybe everyone's right. I'm probably better off alone.

She would offer her own brand of wisdom, but she doesn't think he'd listen. XD

[pettedasnake.livejournal.com]

... you need to go to the doctor.

He actually would. He listens to her more often than she thinks.

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Brittany. I will. I'll be fine.

[ locked ]

[antibadstuff.livejournal.com]

There's someone that I love so much it still hurts every time I see him, but we can't be together. It never gets any easier and I just lost the last guy that I loved because despite everything, he thought I was treating him like the rebound guy and apparently he wasn't the only one.

Love's scary and painful and half the time I don't even know how to do it without that heartache and hurt being there to really make the passion and love possible.

But sometimes, for your own good, you have to let them go. Even if it hurts and you don't want to and you'd rather fight tooth and nail to keep them with you. You just have to try to move on, even if it doesn't seem like it makes sense, because you'll miss out on so many things if you don't. Trust me, I've already missed out on a lot.

[ locked ]

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

It makes sense. Everyone is telling me to give her up, and she's not exactly making it easy to hold on. But I just don't know how to get my head and my heart on the same page.

She's the only girl I've ever loved. I don't...let people in easily, but it was almost like I didn't have a choice with her. I couldn't help but love her, and then I spent so much time fighting it, and I just...I don't know.

I always thought she was the one. But you're right. I can't live my life just for her, especially not when she clearly doesn't love me the way I love her.

[swordplaying.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you have to move on. If it's between that and losing yourself...I think finding a way to get over it's the lesser of two evils.

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

I think...It's possible that I lost myself in her a long time ago. Moving on feels like the only option right now.

[makewayforroze.livejournal.com]

Caring for someone means what they say and do matter so the more we care, the more they can hurt us.

There isn't a simple answer. I believe you can work past a mistake but if they keep hurting you, you need to find someone else to make you happy.

No matter how much you love them, your soul mate will make you happy much more than they'll make you sad.

Are you alright?

[locked]

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

I care for her a lot. And she knows that's a big deal for me, knows how much power that gives her. She used that to hurt me, and it's not the first time.

I'm just not sure I can move on. Aren't you supposed to fight for love?

There are a lot of ways that she makes me happy. She's made me feel more loved and wanted than anyone else in my entire life. So, it's not all bad. Just lately. I think that's why this is so difficult.

No. I'm not. I think I will be. Maybe. Eventually. But this just...hurts.

[formercheerio]

You want advice on Rachel?

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Do you have something useful to say that's not going to make me feel worse? Because I am kind of...upset right now.

[video]

[lebanese]

[ This "comment" is not supposed to be here. Santana is obviously just fiddling with her phone on her lap, watching the video of Jesse. Her expression is hard and somewhat unreadable. Her hand moves toward the 'camera' and the perspective changes as she brings it up closer to her face. She's obviously debating answering him -- a soft clicking noise can soon be heard, indicating that she was be typing out a text response. But she only gets so far before her eyes narrow and she's tossing the phone over onto her bed. No response comes through at the tail end of this action, so it's obvious that she's changed her mind. ]

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

Santana? What happened? ...Did you...have something to say?

[pinball-baby.livejournal.com]

...

What the hell, dude? [ right now, there's no judgement, just genuine confusion. It hasn't occured to him that this could be related to him and Rachel sleeping together, so mostly he's just wondering what on Earth could possibly have happened to make someone who's usually so cool and collected freak out like-- well, like Finn when he's angry. ]

[whisperingsaint.livejournal.com]

[Talking to Finn is about the last thing he wants to do right now. He wasn't even supposed to see the post and Jesse clenches his jaw at the response.]

I don't want to deal with you right now. Shouldn't you be cuddling with Rachel?