dramadramaduck | 003; [video - fail!locked from Rachel and Finn]

[It’s a few hours after this conversation, about dawn. The camera comes on to reveal a young man, normally polished and collected, sitting at his desk in the middle of a ravaged room. His head is bowed, with one beat up, cut hand covering his face. His other hand, worse if that’s possible, joins it and he just sits there with the camera on for a good minute or so.

Finally, he sits back in his chair so the picture is more than just a close-up of his beaten hands and there’s a visible hole in the wall over his left shoulder and an overturned bookcase atop his bed. He runs his hands down his face and sighs before pulling them away. He looks tired and angry, but more than that he looks heartbroken. When he speaks, it’s slow and deliberate, and you can tell he’s at the end of what feels like the worst night of his life.]

I never thought I’d be…making one of these, asking for advice. But, well. A lot of things have happened recently that I never thought would or even could. So, this is just one more, I guess.

[Closing his eyes, he sighs again, but it’s harsher this time, like he’s trying to get himself to focus.]

I know that there are a lot of people in this community that have…really lived. Loved people, lost them, that kind of thing. [There’s a long pause where he seems to be thinking of someone in particular.] Is there a limit to how much heartache you can take from one person? Even if that person is your soulmate, can they hurt you so immensely that there’s no way to get past it?

[He looks down at his hands, shaking his head.] I’ve just been thinking about that a lot tonight and I need some guidance.

[He glances at the camera again and curls into himself, looking uncommonly vulnerable, before shutting off the feed.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Do I mean that little to you?

You don't get it. It's not because you mean that little to me. It's because you mean that much to me. Too much.

But that's not fair! I need you in my life! You're my best friend! I don't know what to do without you!

What about what I need?! Why doesn't that matter to you?

When did I stop being what you need?

I need you to love me back. And you do nothing but hurt me.

But I do love you back.

Not as much as I love you.

No.

That's a problem.

But I'm always going to love the stage more! You said you understood that! That you could live with being second to the stage!

It's not because you love the stage more. You know I would never stand in the way of you going for that. It's because of Finn. It's because you basically ripped my heart apart last night. I can't keep letting you do this to me.

It shouldn't have meant so much.

I never meant to hurt you.

It's not just last night. It started back when we were still together. Last night was just the latest in a series of incidents.

You knew what you were doing and you did it anyway. It's not the first time.

I don't understand. What was wrong with our relationship?

The fact that you don't know that something was wrong, is the biggest part of the problem.

Not only was our relationship not equal in investment, but even now you can't see it. You're still acting like I'm being unreasonable, but it's you who's being the unreasonable one.

You're right. The first time around, the only person that cared about us was me.

I don't know why I bothered talking to you about this any further. Sorry I was such an ass, and now you're free to move on.

Jesse, please.

I think it's best if we spent some time apart, Rachel. If we have this...epic love that I really thought we did...then we'll find each other again at the right time. Five or ten years, whenever is right for us.

But for now, this just...hurts me too much.

[She just... stares at him for a moment like she's never felt so much heartbreak hit her all at once. Her throat is closing up, she can't breathe, she can't even think straight.]

Wh-what? Jesse-- no!

No, no-- I know why you're saying that, because of what everyone else has been saying, but they're wrong! You-- you mean to much to me to just let you go like that! I can't wait five or ten years to have you back in my life, I need you!

Please, please, I'm begging you, please don't do this. You're the only person who really understands, who believes in me. You mean the world to me, don't I mean anything?!

I don't deserve this, and if you really loved me like you said you did, then you wouldn't be doing this to me, you wouldn't be breaking my heart again. Not-- not again.

How could you?! How could you hurt me like this again?

This is your last chance, Jesse St. James! You can't hurt a girl over and over and always expect her to forgive you. No matter how much she loves you, no matter how much she wants to forgive you all over again.