dramadramaduck | [video] // black heart inertia

...essentially, yes. Someone on the community once suggested that should I have no choice, I should abandon this world rather than let things come to such a conclusion. Though in my heart I feel as if that would be preferable to death, it would not be the right thing to do.

I can not turn my back on my Master; when I say I would die for him, I do not mean 'unless something better comes along'.

Having to choose between what is right and what is convenient for me should not even be a dilemma in any sense of the word. The answer is obvious, and yet I hesitate.

You hesitate because there is more to an oath than simply the logic of it.

To die for someone is only noble if your heart is in it. Otherwise it's just a waste.

I...I know that. But I can't abandon him. I can't turn my back on my lord and run a second time.

You've run before?

[Nasuti shakes her head. It doesn't matter.]

It takes more courage to look past your pride and do the right thing. A vile Master does not make self-sacrifice right.

Forgive me, it's a long story with difficult circumstances.

He's not...he's not a terrible person. [So you think.] He just does not understand the heart of a knight. I can not fault him for being born into an era where honor seems to count for far less than it once did.

Why would you die at his betrayal, then? A misunderstanding?

...It's difficult to explain, but something like that. In short, I have reason to believe he thinks I plan to steal his fiancee. And he would most likely not trust my word to the contrary.

...are you trying to steal his fiancee?

No--! I have absolutely no desire to do anything of the sort!

All I want in this world is to be a loyal knight and Servant. To me, nothing else matters.

Sorry. I had to ask. [Well, she didn't, but it's general best practice to gather all the information available.]

Is it possible that should you not be the one killed, the fiancee would be?

Kayneth-dono would not dare to hurt Sola-sama. And there is no harm I would allow her to come to as long as it is in my power to protect her.

....[Nasuti lowers her eyes, silently brainstorming.]

What about...is there any way you could convince him you have no interest in Sola-san beyond your duty to protect..?

Perhaps with a decoy of some sort?

I've been thinking of some way I could convince him of that, but I can come up with nothing. I do not even believe my Master realizes I am aware of his suspicions, so I can hardly confront him about it. It wouldn't be my place to do so anyway.

I am almost certain he does not trust my word. Yet my word alone is all I have.

What if you had...another woman? [She says the next part quickly.] Or a man, even--that would dash any suspicions, wouldn't it?

[Agh, Nasuti. Are you really suggesting such a thing? You watch too many rom-com movies.]

Wh-what are you implying, exactly? [Not that the implication seemed earth-shattering--sure he'd been married, but medieval times were a touch less awkward about the whole guys doing Things.]

[Sometimes.]

No, never mind that. I haven't the time for anything like that, whether to dispel suspicions or not. I do not speak lightly when I say my entire existence is meant to fight for my Master; I am here to take part in a hidden and secret war, and vanish from this world upon its conclusion.

All I was saying is that if you appear to have eyes for someone other than your Master's fiance, you could avoid that entire suspicion-to-betrayal situation and you could serve him without the cloaked daggers and conspiracies.

I'm certain you could find someone that would be able to keep up the facade without much work on your part. That way it wouldn't distract you from your duties.

We're meant to be in hiding at the moment. I can hardly just wander out into Fuyuki looking for someone to act as my romantic interest. And Kayneth-dono would surely believe it a distraction regardless.

Why not have someone on the community do it, rather than go out "searching"?

[You still with her? At least he hasn't started ignoring her. She is aware how ridiculous this sounds. It's all she could do not to hide her face in shame for even suggesting--]

After all, what's worse - being scolded for a distraction, or sentenced to death for perceived infidelity?

He'll think me a womanizer--surely he already does, but it will be that much worse. There are few things I could be called that wound my honor as severely as that.

[Noted.]

Well, then. I guess the question boils down to - under what circumstances are you able to live with yourself?

...I don't know, and I think that may well be the core of the problem.

If I abandon Kayneth-dono, Sola-sama, and this entire world, I'm a coward. If I stay and end up dying, then my entire purpose here will have been for nothing.

No matter what I choose, I will only suffer for it-...listen to me, how can I be so selfish? I-I should be worried about what would benefit my Master, I have to stay here.

But if you live, you are given the opportunity to atone, and help more people in the future.

...no, it's not so simple. When this war is over, assuming I survive, our contract will have been fulfilled. Which means I will disappear from this world.

Heroic Spirits are a contradiction, kept alive only through the magical energy provided by such a contract--the spirits of the dead do not belong in the realm of the living and we are only here to fight in this war. Even if I survive to the end and fulfill everything I hoped for, Kayneth-dono is the only one I will have helped. I'll vanish as soon as it's all over.

In short, I quite literally can not exist without him and Sola-sama.

This is all very...[Interesting? Bizarre? Unfortunate? All of the above.]

So either way, you'll not see past the war. What are the benefits of dying at his hand versus disappearing in another world?

...since we've discussed the negative aspects of each scenario.

...I see no benefits to either.

[video] // black heart inertia

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)