[video] // black heart inertia

[croibhristeoir]

I have a question, if I could trouble the community for advice.

How should one deal with a...'crisis of faith', I believe the term would be?

Comments

[croibhristeoir]

I want to say yes. I am not afraid to die for his sake; it is part of my purpose as a knight.

But I have been betrayed by my lord in the past. I know how it aches even now, and the only reason I wished to serve another was to avoid that unhappy end, not bear it repeated once more.

So I do not know if I can answer that.

[aragosfav.livejournal.com]

.....

Forgive me, but it sounds like you're afraid to die? I thought as a knight you would understand the consequences and knew that dying was part of your act of service. It is your Master that you were protecting, not yourself.

I chose to leave my master due to the fact of what he had planned to do with my armor and how he viewed me. I do not fear death.

[croibhristeoir]

No. Death does not frighten me in the least--what I fear is betrayal.

[aragosfav.livejournal.com]

So what you're saying is you fear to die under his betrayal?

[croibhristeoir]

Not...exactly. Death in itself is nothing to fear--I've done it before.

But to suffer the pain of betrayal a second time--whether it results in my death or not, that would be a fate worse than the most agonizing death a thousand times over.

I want him to realize that I wish to be completely loyal to him. I want to be able to place my absolute trust in him and receive the same in turn, but I worry it is impossible and that the day he turns his back on me is inevitable.

[aragosfav.livejournal.com]

Then my apologies for the earlier comment. It sounds like an impossible task. What is it that your master wishes to do?

[croibhristeoir]

Apologizing is unnecessary, I don't think I was being very clear.

His desire is to obtain the Holy Grail; for that purpose he called me to fight six other summoned warriors in what amounts to something of a battle royale--I think that's the correct phrase, at least.

[aragosfav.livejournal.com]

And is this where you feel the betrayal happens?

[croibhristeoir]

No, not at all, I am happy to be called to a Master's side and fight once more, but...

This community showed me a vision of what I'm sure is a possible future. One in which my Master causes my death when it suits his purposes--whatever those may be. And I worry that future may well come to pass, knowing Kayneth-dono already does not trust my word in the short time we have worked together.

[aragosfav.livejournal.com]

I would be wary of what the community presents you. What may seem the truth could be false.