dramadramaduck | (no subject)

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That time o' year again, huh? I'll be honest this year's been pretty rough on the coffers, but I'll tell you what, if no one's volunteered yet I'd be more than happy to deliver presents for those who can't world hop. Just let me know who you are and where I'm goin' and we're golden. Tis the season, or somethin' like that, huh?

Ah, right, suppose I should introduce myself too for those who don't know me yet, I'm Lavi.

[ooc: Because I am a little depressed that Kisuke Claus isn't around to handle the gifts this year XD I'll elect Lavi who I'm sure would rather be sleeping.]

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Good. That'll save me some time, I'm busy this year. The boys at my place'll give you the list. The important ones'll be marked "rush."

Take care of it.

Aye-aye boss. Anything else y' need?

That'll do it.

...If you don't mention who yer married to, one of my guys'll probably buy you a beer if you make nice. [Merry Christmas, Lavi; for the trouble, Greed will continue forgetting to add you to his 'suspicious' list to his members.]

Alright then.

Hm? We're not married...ah, speaking of which I haven't seen him in a while. You're brothers right...that's right, he said you're from another world.

Either way, I ain't his brother on any world.

Ehh...not really sure who's word I should take in this case.

He'd tell you himself I ain't a liar.

I don't doubt it, but what if he's tellin' the truth too, just how he sees it?

Then don't it come down what you'd call a brother? If being the same species is all it takes, then we got a lot more fucked up incest shit goin' on out there than I figured...

Well I don't know about your incest problems, but I figure it's more like...who ever gave you life is your parent and then if they gave life to more people than you then they are your siblings.

We didn't come out of the same chick's slot and we don't got no sperm donor in common. Can't make it a lot clearer than that.

Well I'm figuring whoever your creator is, I know you guys didn't come into bein' conventionally

Creators and credits are pretty messy if things ain't made conventionally. Takes a village to raise a child 'n all that.

'Cause you're probably thinkin' about it too simplistically.

It is simple. If it was just a matter of having a sibling I don't like, that'd be fine, y'don't pick yer family, but I'm tellin' you, there's nothin' in common between me and no Envy I know 'sides a species thing.

Sure there is, you got the same eyes, well the Greed in his world has the same eyes as him...you know, kinda purple with slits. The little tattoo things too.

You related to every one-eyed redhead out there? I'm talkin' about origin, origin! Besides bein' made the same way every one of us is. Like all people're born with the sex, egg, sperm thing.

I ain't just not that Envy's brother, I'm not no Envy's brother. The last one over in his place's got no connection to me, either. Dumbass had a whole country 'n a nice collection of concubines 'n status right in his hands 'n ended up bein' the only guy to kick in the whole group before doin' shit with any of it! He had that runt, the armor kid, the detective... All those people there on his side who'd be sad if he died, people he can order to cover his ass, and he's the only one that died? Envy might've told you I'm an idiot, but there's a limit to how stupid I can get even on a bad day.

Actually, I could be, since I have no idea what my origins are...and I'm a mutt. But why does it have to be the sex, egg, sperm thing anyway? Does being family mean biology? See I don't know these things because I've adopted people...maybe that's it too, maybe you've been adopted.

But Envy did say you guys have the same Father in his world, I'm not so sure I like his father, but it's a topic he used to get really sensitive about so I mention it as little as possible.

As for you, your other you...well who knows if he or you are both morons. I guess there are some things bigger than reward, eh?

I ain't adopted and I'm sure as shit not adopting him. I'm telling you I don't share an old man with him, and I'm sayin' that knowin' who his old man is there and here. So stop mixing me up with the one he wants to go callin' his brother over 'n over. He ain't my problem and even a greedy guy like me don't want him. Yer the only one who does. You can have him. Congratulations.

I already know that you two aren't related, you couldn't be if you're from different worlds right? Anyway seems like you've already been adopted by a lot of other people, so I don't mind taking in Envy...ah, but I haven't seen him in a while.

I'm tryin' to make it clear I ain't any Envy's brother on any world. Some other wanna-be me out there might wanna be, but not me. Don't mix me up with any of those guys.

Maybe somethin' in the woods got him or maybe he fell and snapped his neck or somethin'.

Well, if you say you're not Envy's brother then you're not, but if the Greed on Envy's world is his brother then I believe it.

Nah.

It'd be a pain to be thought of as that idiot. If yer gonna think I'm an idiot, at least let me be my own idiot. At any rate, I'm the only Greed that's still a threat to him. It'll be a problem if you think I'll be as easy to clear out as that guy.

Don't dismiss a guy's Christmas dreams like that when you're supposed to be playing Santa.

Then I'll just think of you as entirely separate Greeds, but I'm not worried if that's what you're tryin' to tell me.

I'm just a helper, Santa would probably put coal in your stocking for having that kinda dream.

Santa's kinda judgemental, picking on people's dreams like that...

Santa does it because he loves you, but if you've been pretty good this year then you might get a toy or somethin'.

Santa picks on people's dreams out of love, huh? So if people got real "loving" dreams, is he more generous?

Anyway, if the asshole does crawl out of his hole to see you for Christmas, tell him it's better to crawl right back in. I especially ain't gonna feel like tolerating him at this time of year after what he pulled last year. If he's smart, he won't come crawlin' out 'till at least a few weeks after that. But that's when the whole "loving" holiday is, so you'll still get that one with him.

Well, if you're dreams involve someone else being in pain, I'm sure he'll take it into consideration. I think it depends or your definition of loving.

Eh? But you're on holiday right now aren't ya? So it should be fine if he comes back and I watch him.

Hey, Bookworm. Do you know why kinda rotten guys like me 'n Envy give presents?

That's funny, you're always calling yourself a Nice Guy, but go on.

I'm a Nice Guy by default, but that freak goes past that. Bein' nice to him'd just be a lie. But we're both the kinda guys who do the whole present thing kinda as a comparison. Me 'cause it's an investment I wanna get more out of, 'n him 'cause he's Envy. Comparing's what he does. He wants to get somethin' better than anything he'd give, right? Otherwise he'd just be jealous of what he gave out.

So if I know he's around, I'll wanna give him an even better present than he tossed my way last year. It'll be a lot easier on both of you not to have him around.

Shit, consider that his Christmas present to yer ass if he don't show up.

Do nice guys usually call themselves rotten?

Anyway Envy doesn't need to get me anything so that doesn't matter, I'm okay giving him the things that he needs and sometimes what he wants so there's no reason for him to be jealous. Though he's been known to get stuff for me to without having to give him anything back.

I want him around for Christmas.

If they're honest. He brings out the rotten side in everyone. But some Nice Guys lie, y'know.

Since yer makin' a delivery offer to 'n from everyone like this, contact me if he's someone you're gonna be able to find to deliver to in time. It's still in season up to... what, January 10th or somethin'?

Hn? He hasn't brought it out in me, maybe I'm highly resistant.

If I find him then I'll let you know.

He has. He definitely has. You can tell 'cause I don't like you. I like most people just by default. Especially if they're useful.

Nah, that's not it, it's just that you don't like him so your default is to not like me.

Kefka likes him okay.

Yeah but okay just makes everything okay. If you don't like me for some reason then it's definitely me, not Envy.

Who can tell who that guy likes 'n how much, he's about as stable as a house of cards on a shipdeck. But, that freak shows off yer worst taste. So it's both of you. A couple's deal.

It has nothing to do with taste, it has everything to do with taming. You could say I bring out the best in him instead of it being the other way around.

The fact that that'll make other people less likely to kill him is a mark against you. I don't want him tamed or whatever. I want his ass dead.

Ah, so that's why you don't like me, I see. Sorry, but I want him alive.

They're just irreconcilable differences between us.

Yeah, yeah...that just about sums it up.

That's very nice of you.

Yeah, well, I'm surprisingly not that busy. Ya got anything you want delivered?

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