dramadramaduck | [video] // wide-eyed wanderer

[Lancer did ultimately take Jade's advice and investigated the modern human concept of movies. It was something to do, even if the Servant wasn't quite as active as he would have liked. He just had to be patient, something would present itself. Or he'd settle in where anyone could see he rightfully didn't belong. Hard to tell, really.]

[All in all, he was for the moment optimistic about things, and that was when the community decided to record him; walking through the forest on his way back to the temple and humming under his breath. This would be right about where the point about movies suddenly became relevant, as eventually he moved from humming to outright singing quietly.]

[The funny thing is, the more one listens to him, they might just find themselves feeling a bit more cheerful or possibly even affectionate. Such is the way of musical empathic projection, my friends.]

[And the poor guy has no idea.]

~~[Like I really wasn't going to exploit the hell out of his voice actor singing Disney. I do what I want.]~~

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[And there he goes, from zero to tomato red in .05 seconds.]

Wh-wh-what are you doing?

[it's the singing, it definitely inspires infection]

Hm? Not really sure [and when he comes to his senses again he'll pull his hand back with a chuckle] but I've taken a shine to your singing!

I-I noticed.

So what do you say? That last song was nice!

You're going to insist, aren't you?

That's right! You're not going to keep denying me are you?

I suppose that ultimately, I really can't.

It's because you're such a nice guy...[and at that Cu makes himself comfortable, taking a seat at the base of a tree]

[Lancer looked a little uncertain for a moment or two, thinking over how best to approach this--after a moment, he took a breath and started singing again.]

[Of course, he still hadn't caught on to the superpower thing. So he had no idea what kind of reaction it might inspire--this one in particular had a stinging sense of loneliness attached to it. Every word carried the desire to be close to someone and the longing to be cared for and appreciated.]

[In short, it was three or four minutes of acapella 'I need a hug'.]

[It should come as no surprise to Diarmuid that, once the song comes to an end, Cu has him in a very tight hug.

Except maybe it does come as a surprise because Cu is tugging him down to the ground beside him.

Why such a lonely song, you sad panda?]

Ah--wh-what are you...?!

You know...it is pretty weird, but I just feel like I should be responding to the music [yes, it's weird, but just stay here because he's not finished with his hugging...pet, pet...you're a good Lancer] it's probably the sad, lonely song...that's it.

Th-that's...

[Well, okay, he won't really complain. At all. In fact he might be hugging back just a little.]

...that's unusual.

You're right...I'm not normally this affected by music.

[He's still got one arm lassoed around Diarmuid, but he frees one up so that he can gently poke him on his spot.]

You sure that thing doesn't have musical powers?

Of course I'm certain of that. Why on earth would it?

It's just strange...responding to music like this, but I like you anyway, so the effect of it is probably stronger than it would normally be.

If I had to guess, I'd say it likely has something to do with that virus going around. In which case I'm sorry we keep meeting like this.

Don't be sorry ...if it's a virus that's fine too, but I'm still pretty fond of you...and you really can sing. [What? Does he still have his arm around you? Yes...and now his head is propped on your shoulder...he's definitely not making it easy.]

...you really are far kinder than I deserve.

Hm? You're too modest, why wouldn't you deserve my kindness...you've done nothing wrong...not to me.

All the same, I simply...find it undeserved.

I'm not sure where that idea comes from Diarmuid...but you're one of the most deserving people I know. [Come here and tuck your head underneath Cu's chin] What's eating you?

I-I don't...I suppose I don't really know. I am not lonely as I once was, and I have no reason to be unhappy.

Ultimately I think I am just worried. I'm not sure what to do with myself outside of the war, and I fear my ability to be a loyal Servant will suffer for it. And at the same time, I...ran away again. No matter the reason, I swore I wouldn't do that. I broke my word to myself, and worse yet I broke my word to Saber.

How am I meant to live with myself knowing that, and how can I live with my Master when I feel as if I shouldn't even discuss such things with him?

I think...I can understand where you're coming from. I imagine it would be hard for Issei if he knew you were still conflicted...still not entirely happy.

It's not easy especially when you had a very focused goal as a servant...I think that's how we're different...when I died I didn't have any regrets. I'd have no problem leaving Kotomine...

...There's nothing wrong with you...but it is hard getting everything you want in life...I would have wished the circumstances would have been different for you.

I won't complain about my circumstances. They were as they were, no amount of wishing or objecting will change that. It was an undeserved honor to be able to fight again no matter the kind of person Kayneth was. And I am grateful Issei was kind enough to answer my selfish request that he make me his Servant, even if it must have been like sheltering a stray cat.

But I...don't know what to do. I can't call what I died with regret, no--I was just unhappy. And that measure of unhappiness will likely stay with me forever, no matter how many assure me I am supposedly a worthwhile and loyal knight.

...I'm not. And I don't deserve to be in the presence of someone who is.

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