dramadramaduck | (no subject)

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finn hudson

(no subject)

There are a bunch of adults on here too, right? I mean, I've talked to some of you so I know there are...

Anyway. I have a question for you guys. How did you decide what kind of thing you wanted to do when you grew up? Like, how'd you know what to study at college, or what sort of job to go for?

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He might change his mind. For now, it's just...a few years apart. I'm-- I'm really trying to help you see that this isn't the end of the world.

It already feels like the end of the world with you being four hours away. How am I supposed to be okay with more than that?

I'm not going to be four hours away anymore. In case you forgot about that.

Why would I forget about that?

I don't know. I get that you're upset about Finn, but-- Nevermind.

I've been upset about you being so far away, too.

You seemed to handle it a lot better than this.

That's because nothing changed! Except for, um, very briefly before you broke my heart, ~~along with that poor baby chicken~~ [backspaced] you were always four hours away. If you moved away to California again, I'd be beside myself! There wasn't some big news announcement about you being far away that I had to cope with, it was just how things were!

And didn't you hate that?! Rachel, I hated that! Every second of every day! We're finally going to be in the same city, same apartment even, and I am happy about that. That doesn't mean I'm going to miss Finn less, but Jesus Christ, this isn't all bad!

Of course I hated that! I love you and I miss you! Every second of every day! You mean the world to me! But I'm not going to sit there and tell Finn that it's okay that he's leaving because I have you!

I'm not asking you to do that! I just-- How am I supposed to feel like I'm part of your heart when you're making it seem like you're leaving everything behind with Finn? [He feels left out and forgotten again. :< ]

I'm not leaving everything behind. I'd feel that way if you weren't coming with me.

What are my dreams without you by my side? You've always shown me what's important. Reminded me that I matter, and that my dreams aren't just a silly high school fantasy. How could you possibly not be part of my heart?

We're going to take over Broadway together by storm. We'll wake up together every day in a big, fluffy bed, take showers together, have vegan smoothies for breakfast, exercise side by side in our luxurious exercise room that'll be just downstairs in our high-rise apartment with a doorman. And you'll go to auditions while I go to class, and we'll... make dinner together and watch Barbra and Sondheim and cuddle on the couch and have sex in the same bed that still smells like us from the morning.

I'm just scared because... Finn wouldn't drink vegan breakfast smoothies and doesn't like New York and wouldn't even want to be part of the theatre. You're the part of my heart that I... can come home to while I usually have to drag Finn there. I just don't know whether I'll be able to drag him along this time.

I love you and I'm happy that we're going to do this together because you belong in my life, you always have. And I don't know what I'd do without you. It's just... going to be kind of a big bed without Finn there.

Sometimes...I still wish I were enough for you.

Oh.

That's not...really what this is about, though. I don't want you to forget Finn. But I also want you to remember that I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere and it would be really fucking great if you could act like that mattered at all.

I'm coming over.

[...]

Rachel, it's nine pm and I'm in Akron. Don't be ridiculous. It's fine. Stay there. Spend time with Finn before...you have to leave.

No, I'm coming over right now. I'm already in the car, so it's pointless to argue with me.

No one will ever forgive me if you crash, so be careful.

I know. Which is why I'm going to stop using my phone now. I love you and I'll see you in four hours.

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(no subject)

[Locked to Rachel]

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