[video]

[anothersoul]

[The video comes on with a small click, showing Mami walking around a park at night time. She's looking at the camera--and she doesn't look well.]

If a person dedicates their life to saving people, helping them... If they do this, people assume they must be doing it for the better. They don't think about if they are just doing it for themselves.

[To people that know Mami, Mami doesn't quite sound like herself. Her voice lacks any enthuasism--strained and quiet.]

A person in the end has to think of themselves first. It's a selfish part of life. To 'save' people to make yourself feel better... What sort of cruel, selfish person would do that? To ignore the suffering such acts do...

That is something that can't be made up. It can't be forgiven.

[She stops, taking a deep breath.]

This loneliness I feel, I brought it on myself through such selfishness. I became a magical girl to save my life--a weak, greedy act. [There's a small flash of light and a crystal appears in Mami's hand. She holds it to the camera, showing the deep amber color of the gem.] Now I don't even have that.

To fight for others... is such a lie.

Comments

[video]

[oceanicbutterfly]

--Tomoe-san, don't say that!

["FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK NEED TO GET OVER THERE NOW"]

[video]

[anothersoul]

The truth shouldn't be hidden, Minazuki-san.

[video]

[oceanicbutterfly]

It isn't the truth. ["ROSE PACT WHERE IS IT"] You're just... having a bad day, or something, and you're saying things that don't make sense.

[video]

[anothersoul]

Is that what you really think? [Mami just moves to sit on a park bench, sighing.]

[video]

[oceanicbutterfly]

[Okay here it is. Karen's on the move now. Why must her worldhopping method take so long?]

That you feel better when you save people means you aren't selfish.

[video]

[anothersoul]

No... I sought strength so I wouldn't feel like a failure for not saving someone. That if I did so then I would somehow be relieved of my selfishness. It doesn't work like that.

[video]

[oceanicbutterfly]

Nobody is completely without selfish thoughts, so stop saying such terrible things about my friends!

[video]

[anothersoul]

This is an awkward goodbye, isn't it.

[video]

[oceanicbutterfly]

No, it isn't, because it isn't a goodbye! [DAMMIT MAMI SHE IS GOING TO BE SO PISSED AT YOU LATER]

[video]

[anothersoul]

You're right. That would be too lonely. [The gem reverts back to a ring and she focuses more on it than the camera.] After all... This isn't death. I've almost died before and this--well, it was likely to happen no matter what...

[croibhristeoir]

[...Oh, shit. No. Nonononono, this was bad. This was very very bad and Lancer knew it.]

Mami, don't go anywhere. I'm coming over there right now.

[anothersoul]

Don't.

[Because this is bad and she doesn't want him to witness that.]

[croibhristeoir]

...forgive me, but that's an order I simply can't follow. I'm on my way over.

[The video cut out, and Lancer immediately went to find himself a worldhop. He knew, he just knew how this would end if he couldn't stop it. How many times had he seen kind and hopeful people overcome by despair? How many times had he personally had to kill them in the end?]

[Damned virus. But he had to be thankful for the time he'd believed he'd been a magi, if only because it gave him knowledge enough to try to prevent this. He sprinted through the city as fast as superhuman agility could take him, silently praying to find her before the worst happened.]

[anothersoul]

[She knows she can't stop him. So she simply leaves the park bench. If she just keeps walking, keeps on the move... She could delay him finding her.

Even if she couldn't manage more than a fast walk.]

[croibhristeoir]

[That might have worked if a normal human was looking for her. But as it was? Diarmuid had something of a unique view of the city, jumping from rooftop to streetlight to trees all at a speed no human and few Servants could match.]

[He had to get to her before things got worse. Maybe this time...this time he could stop it unlike all the others he remembered and all the ones he didn't. If he just got there quickly enough, said the right things to pull her back from the edge...things would be okay. They had to be.]

Mami--!

[It didn't take very long before he materialized from spirit form in civilian clothes, dropping down from the nearest streetlight without a sound.]

Mami, you're not selfish at all...please, tell me what's happened.

[anothersoul]

[She stops walking. There's a slight sigh to her voice as she speaks.]

In this very park a few years ago there was a small boy. He went missing, snatched away by a witch. His mother had no other family and was desperate. The boy died inside the witch's barrier because the magical girl who fought the witch retreated. The mother fell into despair...Without her boy, there's nothing left for her. All because of my selfish desire to live.

How many others have I 'rescued' that didn't want to be rescued? How many lives have I thrown into chaos... It's unforgivable.

[croibhristeoir]

...

[He was silent for a long moment at that, carefully thinking how best to respond. This was a delicate situation to say the least, and Lancer knew he had to tread carefully.]

That was no crime you committed. I've heard it said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions--looking at my own past, that may well be true. But still I believe that...people should follow what they think to be the right path.

[Lancer stepped a little closer, dropping to one knee so they could be closer to eye level.]

Believe me when I say even the best people are not perfect. Even knights who swear oaths to protect others...can't save everyone. Oftentimes saving one means hurting another, and other times one simply fails outright. The perfect and infallible knights of fairytales who always save the princess and live happily ever after...are just that. Fiction. Real knights and heroes are bound to as much suffering as they are success.

But that is not what matters. The pain you feel, the loneliness she experiences...it is all merely a fact of life. Things will never be entirely perfect...but conversely, they will never be entirely hopeless. There is only light as long as there is darkness, and the reverse is true as well. [He took her hand in both of his, the faintest note of desperation in his voice.]

What truly matters is that you fight for those that can't. For every one that can't or doesn't want to be saved, there are so many others that can be. Others that want to live, that will be so grateful you were there when they needed you most.

I know, I know it hurts. You feel like everything you've done is for nothing, you probably feel like you haven't even the right to exist. But Mami, I've been there too. Please...please trust me. You're not alone, you'll never be alone as long as I'm here.

[anothersoul]

My current life was because of a selfish, stupid wish. I don't deserve these words you're telling me. Your kindness isn't something you should share with me--it took me this long to realize why I was fighting.

[Her eyes don't meet his, she tried to pull her hand away but there's little strength in the motion. Her own voice is as tired as ever.] To gain strength so I could feel like I wouldn't fail. Yet I already have. It's utterly childish to think that I could ever repent for the crimes I've committed. That boy, my parents...

If I hadn't made my wish, I wouldn't feel this loneliness. My own suffering is because of my selfish wish!

[croibhristeoir]

...don't say that. It isn't selfish to want to live, and it's not a crime to make mistakes. Were that the case, I would be an even worse individual.

[anothersoul]

[She's about to say something. Then stops. Then starts again.] Lancer-san, you know what happens to a Soul Gem when it gets too tainted, don't you? You saw what was inside of mine...that's the reason why you're trying to convince me.

[stillneedawish]

[ no. she'd been keeping an eye on things, she'd been making sure this wouldn't happen, Mami-san had seemed fine - had she failed? had she managed to miss something?

she can't let this happen. she can't. ]

M- Mami-san, no! That's not true!

[ she knows that park, she thinks. it's not too far away. if she grabs her phone and uses that to keep connected to the community, she can go and find her before it's too late-- ]

[anothersoul]

[Mami is using her own phone as she tries to keep moving through the park. mainly to keep Lancer off her trail but--]

Kaname-san, you're so honest and kind...I don't deserve to talk to you. I don't deserve knowing you.

[because someone as kind and good as Madoka doesn't deserve a senior like Mami.]

You don't need a senior like me. I'll only drag you down...

[stillneedawish]

H-how could you say something like that? [ she's rushing down the stairs now, stepping into her shoes and throwing open the door. ]

Mami-san, you saved my life, remember? I could never forget that. [ not intentionally, anyway-- ] You've been so helpful to me... we're friends, aren't we? If - if you think I'm honest, then you have to believe me about that! A-and, and you have to believe that you deserve to stay here!

[ rushing down the street now, she sounds out of breath, but doesn't stop talking. ] If you want, we can talk about whatever it is that's upsetting you - but - please, Mami-san, please don't do anything drastic!

[anothersoul]

Akemi would have done the same thing, wouldn't she? She was there. [Mami's accusation lacks strength, conviction.]

...you make friends so easily. So readily. I believe you but how many friends do you have? Someone like me, you wouldn't miss that much. Miki's your best friend and you seem to get along with Akemi well enough... [The last sentence actually made Mami stop talking for a few moments.]

A few years ago, when I was just a young magical girl... There was a small boy. He had fallen into a witch's barrier much like you and Miki did. I couldn't save him. He didn't have a chance at life, at growing up... And I did. I never realized how selfish I was to think I could repent for that. No matter how many I save... That boy is gone. No body. Forever alone.

[There's another silence.] If I die fighting a witch, I'll meet the same fate. I'll be forgotten. At least this way--you know what you saw in that Soul Gem, didn't you?

[stillneedawish]

[ Madoka can almost feel Mami slipping away from her as she talks about Sayaka and Homura, and even as her senpai stops talking, so she has to pause for a few moments herself. only to try again: ] No matter how many people or meet, or how many friends I have... that doesn't mean that I wouldn't miss you, Mami-san!

[ but still, she falls silent at the story. or nearly silent, at least, the only sounds coming through her end of the receiver the short, sharp pants of her breath as she runs through the streets, phone held tight to her ear. ] Mami-san... Mami-san, you tried your best. You can't--

[ but she cuts herself off as Mami's last words hit her, a gasp of realisation. no. oh, no. she knows. she knows and if she knows then - she can't give up hope, she can't. ] ... I. I thought I saw... but that can't be right. It can't! If we could just cleanse your gem--

[ please, Mami-san. please don't do this.

not again. ]