Mami Tomoe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
anothersoul) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dramadramaduck2012-08-02 11:46 am
anothersoul) wrote in dramadramaduck2012-08-02 11:46 am
Entry tags:
[video]
[The video comes on with a small click, showing Mami walking around a park at night time. She's looking at the camera--and she doesn't look well.]
If a person dedicates their life to saving people, helping them... If they do this, people assume they must be doing it for the better. They don't think about if they are just doing it for themselves.
[To people that know Mami, Mami doesn't quite sound like herself. Her voice lacks any enthuasism--strained and quiet.]
A person in the end has to think of themselves first. It's a selfish part of life. To 'save' people to make yourself feel better... What sort of cruel, selfish person would do that? To ignore the suffering such acts do...
That is something that can't be made up. It can't be forgiven.
[She stops, taking a deep breath.]
This loneliness I feel, I brought it on myself through such selfishness. I became a magical girl to save my life--a weak, greedy act. [There's a small flash of light and a crystal appears in Mami's hand. She holds it to the camera, showing the deep amber color of the gem.] Now I don't even have that.
To fight for others... is such a lie.
If a person dedicates their life to saving people, helping them... If they do this, people assume they must be doing it for the better. They don't think about if they are just doing it for themselves.
[To people that know Mami, Mami doesn't quite sound like herself. Her voice lacks any enthuasism--strained and quiet.]
A person in the end has to think of themselves first. It's a selfish part of life. To 'save' people to make yourself feel better... What sort of cruel, selfish person would do that? To ignore the suffering such acts do...
That is something that can't be made up. It can't be forgiven.
[She stops, taking a deep breath.]
This loneliness I feel, I brought it on myself through such selfishness. I became a magical girl to save my life--a weak, greedy act. [There's a small flash of light and a crystal appears in Mami's hand. She holds it to the camera, showing the deep amber color of the gem.] Now I don't even have that.
To fight for others... is such a lie.
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[The video cut out, and Lancer immediately went to find himself a worldhop. He knew, he just knew how this would end if he couldn't stop it. How many times had he seen kind and hopeful people overcome by despair? How many times had he personally had to kill them in the end?]
[Damned virus. But he had to be thankful for the time he'd believed he'd been a magi, if only because it gave him knowledge enough to try to prevent this. He sprinted through the city as fast as superhuman agility could take him, silently praying to find her before the worst happened.]
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Even if she couldn't manage more than a fast walk.]
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[He had to get to her before things got worse. Maybe this time...this time he could stop it unlike all the others he remembered and all the ones he didn't. If he just got there quickly enough, said the right things to pull her back from the edge...things would be okay. They had to be.]
Mami--!
[It didn't take very long before he materialized from spirit form in civilian clothes, dropping down from the nearest streetlight without a sound.]
Mami, you're not selfish at all...please, tell me what's happened.
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In this very park a few years ago there was a small boy. He went missing, snatched away by a witch. His mother had no other family and was desperate. The boy died inside the witch's barrier because the magical girl who fought the witch retreated. The mother fell into despair...Without her boy, there's nothing left for her. All because of my selfish desire to live.
How many others have I 'rescued' that didn't want to be rescued? How many lives have I thrown into chaos... It's unforgivable.
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[He was silent for a long moment at that, carefully thinking how best to respond. This was a delicate situation to say the least, and Lancer knew he had to tread carefully.]
That was no crime you committed. I've heard it said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions--looking at my own past, that may well be true. But still I believe that...people should follow what they think to be the right path.
[Lancer stepped a little closer, dropping to one knee so they could be closer to eye level.]
Believe me when I say even the best people are not perfect. Even knights who swear oaths to protect others...can't save everyone. Oftentimes saving one means hurting another, and other times one simply fails outright. The perfect and infallible knights of fairytales who always save the princess and live happily ever after...are just that. Fiction. Real knights and heroes are bound to as much suffering as they are success.
But that is not what matters. The pain you feel, the loneliness she experiences...it is all merely a fact of life. Things will never be entirely perfect...but conversely, they will never be entirely hopeless. There is only light as long as there is darkness, and the reverse is true as well. [He took her hand in both of his, the faintest note of desperation in his voice.]
What truly matters is that you fight for those that can't. For every one that can't or doesn't want to be saved, there are so many others that can be. Others that want to live, that will be so grateful you were there when they needed you most.
I know, I know it hurts. You feel like everything you've done is for nothing, you probably feel like you haven't even the right to exist. But Mami, I've been there too. Please...please trust me. You're not alone, you'll never be alone as long as I'm here.
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[Her eyes don't meet his, she tried to pull her hand away but there's little strength in the motion. Her own voice is as tired as ever.] To gain strength so I could feel like I wouldn't fail. Yet I already have. It's utterly childish to think that I could ever repent for the crimes I've committed. That boy, my parents...
If I hadn't made my wish, I wouldn't feel this loneliness. My own suffering is because of my selfish wish!
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But do not think that is my only reasoning. Above all else, you are my friend and one I care for dearly. To see anyone so close to my heart suffer is something I can not stand for no matter the circumstance.
You are wrong when you say you are selfish. And you are wrong to think you do not deserve any and all kindness I have the strength to grant you. If I must say it a thousand times, if I must shout it upon the highest mountain or from the depths of hell to make you believe it, I will do so without hesitation.
Mami, you are stronger and more selfless than many I have known, and it truly pains me to see one so kind think so little of themselves. No matter what it takes, I would do anything if it meant you would not suffer like this any longer.
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I'm not even a magical girl now... I'm--sorry. The words you've spoken are too late. You don't deserve this.
I'm so sorry that my selfishness hurts you so.
[She finally manages to get her hand free and steps backwards.] This is something you don't deserve. That I've decieved you so, is unforgivable.
[All the strength in her legs fade as there's a sharp cracking sound as the Soul Gem cracks.]
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[Lancer cursed under his breath in archaic Irish Gaelic as he leapt back--before he'd even landed the Servant's armor had materialized in place of his ordinary clothes and Gae Dearg appeared in his hand immediately after.]
[It took him only that fraction of a second to resign himself to what he needed to do. The desperation and compassion were gone from golden eyes, replaced with cold and calm professionalism. No...perhaps what he was about to do was the most compassionate thing he could.]
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A small witch, smaller than even a tea kettle, appears floating above the bridge. The witch's blank doll's face with it's painted red spots look at Lancer briefly before deciding to turn and run.]
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[It was running. That was new, he couldn't say he recalled a witch ever doing that before. He could chase it, but...that would mean leaving behind what was left of Mami Tomoe. And there was no way Diarmuid would of his own will allow that.]
[Calmly, he knelt down beside her and picked her up with one arm--when this barrier disappeared, she was absolutely not going to vanish with it. He'd sooner die than allow an end he knew she'd have feared--no, Mami Tomoe was absolutely going to be remembered no matter what it too.]
[He looked to the witch with the same calculating expression, but he was hardly radiating murderous intent. Diarmuid was in fact very, very calm, and that was when he was at his most dangerous.]
['Don't worry. This won't take long.' Saying it was pointless. Of course she couldn't hear him. But he thought it all the same; Diarmuid had fought with far worse disadvantages than doing so with one lance while carrying someone. Underestimating a witch was dangerous, to be sure, but in his mind he would not be allowed to fail. Not this time.]
[Without a sound he tightened his hold on both Gae Dearg and the empty shell that was once Mami before launching himself in the witch's direction. Determined to end this in a single strike, the Crimson Rose of Exorcism lashed out at the miniscule enemy with all his frustration and anger behind it. Why, why couldn't he have stopped this? Was he really so useless now that he couldn't protect anyone?! It didn't matter, not in that moment. All that mattered was the blade of his lance and the witch it was aimed at...nothing more.]
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It was still a young witch, not fully formed, it's familiars still waiting to summoned. The fight was as soon as Lancer had summoned his weapon. The barrier wavered then vanished just as quickly.
The only thing left of the witch was a Grief Seed...and the shell of Mami Tomoe.]
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[How could he ever face her with this guilt on his shoulders? How could he possibly even begin to excuse the fact that Mami was dead because he'd not acted fast enough?]
[...One thing at a time. Before he faced Madoka, he'd have to do something about what was left of Mami--take her back to the temple? Issei and Reikan could probably tell him how modern human funerals went--a little bitterly he recalled Mami wouldn't have a family to relay the news to. So this was all he could give her now. Maybe he'd even take it upon himself to fight with Madoka and the others in her place--what else could he do to make up for this?]
[It was all he could do now, for Mami and for everyone that cared about her.]
so i heard you like suffering
D- Diarmuid-san!
[ she's breathless, having tried her best to run all the way here while attempting to talk Mami down - but then, as she gets closer, she stops short. that there, on the ground - is that?
no.
no.
she stops suddenly; so suddenly that she stumbles, falls to her knees. she failed. she's too late. and - and Diarmuid--? ]
No... no way... Mami-san?
hell yeah i do
[He froze up at that for a second or two, an in an instant the cold professionalism of a knight doing what needed to be done cracked and fell away.]
M...Madoka...
[He could barely even find his voice, faced with this sudden development. It was stupid to wonder why she was here, obviously it was the same reason he'd come in the first place. And like him, she'd come just a little too late to make a difference.]
I--I'm sorry, Madoka, I couldn't--
[Armor dissolved back into civilian clothes as he tried to summon the strength for a thousand apologies as well as an explanation.]
excellent
he did the right thing. she can't blame him, she never could. Mami would never have wanted to live on as a witch causing suffering to others. not the Mami Madoka knew. but her entire body still felt numb. her vision was still blurring. ]
It's-- i-it's not your fault, Diarmuid-san... [ her voice trembled as the tears began to spill over, the girl shaking partly from shock, partly from the sobs she was trying to hold back. ] I-it's not. You - you couldn't have - if Mami-san had been alone, sh-she would have - she would have--
[ it was still too cruel. much too cruel. she didn't deserve this. even if it was better this way-- it wasn't. that she died in despair was just too much. ]
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There is no shame in mourning the fallen, yet allowing that anguish to consume you would never have been what she wanted.
[He had to say that to himself as much as to Madoka; that being the case, he knew it would take a great deal of convincing on all sides. He'd done what he had to, and there was nothing like 'regret' in his heart for that action. Had the situation repeated, he would have taken the same action again and again.]
[But that did not change the fact that he couldn't save her.]
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she nodded through her tears, speaking once her sobs had subsided slightly. ] I know. I-I know it's not what Mami-san would want. She - she always looked out for me.
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[ she lifted her head, meeting his eyes for this question. ] Diarmuid-san... you - after... will you be okay?
[ even if it was the right thing - even if they both knew that - it couldn't have been easy. ]
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[The small pause before he spoke said everything. He was a knight who did only as a knight could, and every bit of Diarmuid's expression was calm and resigned. What was done was done, in other words. But that one moment's hesitation betrayed the part of him that wasn't focused on matters of duty or moral obligation. That was the heart that separated a knight from a killer, a heart that for Diarmuid didn't bleed so much as it hemorrhaged.]
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