thats_brutal (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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dramadramaduck2013-01-22 04:04 pm
thats_brutal) wrote in dramadramaduck2013-01-22 04:04 pm
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[video] Shakespeare never was this brutal
[The feed turns on to show Nathan standing in a recording studio. He's holding a rather thick book and sighing as he stares at it. His eyes roll up to look at the community.]
So, uh, they're paying me like a billion dollars to do one of those ****ing audio tape things of this dude. Uuuuuuuhhhhhhh Shakespeare. Yeah. So I thought I'd give you ***holes a free sample. but just a sample. Cause if you wanna hear the whole thing you gotta ****ing buy it.
[He looks back at the book]
So this is Othello. By Shakespeare. [pause] Othello... isn't that a game or some shit? Like with the white and black pieces? Why would he write a ****ing play about a game? [Siiiiigh.]
Uuuh yeah. Act I. Scene I. Venice. A Street. That's kinda vague, isn't it. Just "a street"? What street? That could be pretty ****ing important, you know, later on. Unless it's like New York and it's really A Street. Like the letter A. [He clears his throat] so there are two guys in this scene. Roderigo and Iago. [pause] Isn't Iago that parrot from that movie with that blue guy? Is this guy a parrot? So there's a parrot and a dude talking on A Street in Venice. This thing already doesn't make any ****ing sense.
Anyway. So Roderigo says "Tush." Whoa! It's the first word of the play and they're already talking about someone's ***. Alright. Alright. I'm on board, now. Let's do this. Okay. So he says [he reads in a vaguely bored deadpan] "Tush. never tell me! I take it much unkindly That thou, Iago, who hast" Hast. We're like one sentence in and he's already ****ing making up words. "who hast had my purse." Wait. The dude has a purse? That's... that's kinda weird. What ****ing kinda guy carries a purse? And why is a parrot holding it for him? [He sighs] "who hast had my purse as if the strings were thine, shouldst know of this."
And Iago says, " ’Sblood." [pause] 'sblood. Apostrophe s-b-l-o-o-d. What does that... what does that even mean? 'sblood. It's not even a ****ing word. It's like... Blood. Blood is a word. I know what blood is but what the **** is 'sblood? Is it like he was starting to say something else and decided to say blood instead? ssssssssssssblood? [He sighs gruffly, grumbling softly] This guy is supposed to be like the best writer ever but he's making shit up. So Iago says "'Sblood but you’ll not hear me. If ever I did dream of such a matter, Abhor me." Abhor me. That means hate. So he's asking the dude to hate him if he even dreamed about... whatever the **** they're talking about. Okay. I got this.
So Roderigo says back, "Thou toldst" Toldst. [he sounds the word out slowly, enunciating the foreign sound] Toooldst. "Thou toldst me thou didst" Now, see, this guy's not so great. He's just ****ing adding st on the end of words. I can do that, too. I ****ingst told you this was stupidst as shit. See? I'm... I could be the next Shakespeare. I should write this shit down. [pause] Wait. I'm recording it. Okay. So I'm gonna listen to it later and write it down then. [He looks over the book and calls louder to the man recording this whole thing (... as if he couldnt' hear him just fine anyway)] Pickles! Remind me to write this shit down! Okay? Okay. I'm gonna keep reading, now!
[He clears his throat again and returns his gaze to the book.] "thou didst hold him in thy hate." Oh. OH! They're talking about some other guy, now! Why didn't he just say that? Why can't he just say "You told me you hated him." See? That's just so much better and it doesn't have the made up words. Boom. Done. Just like that.
Uh. Iago says... [His eyes scan the page and he makes a face] wow this guy talks a lot. I'm, uh, just gonna skim it and, uh, [he mutters] words words, blah blah blah. This guy really ****ing likes apostrophes... Okay. So Roderigo says "By heaven, I rather would have been his hangman." Whoa so he's ready to kill this guy, whoever he is. He wants to ****ing hang him. That's brutal....
((OOC: As always **** denotes swears censored by guitar riffs))
So, uh, they're paying me like a billion dollars to do one of those ****ing audio tape things of this dude. Uuuuuuuhhhhhhh Shakespeare. Yeah. So I thought I'd give you ***holes a free sample. but just a sample. Cause if you wanna hear the whole thing you gotta ****ing buy it.
[He looks back at the book]
So this is Othello. By Shakespeare. [pause] Othello... isn't that a game or some shit? Like with the white and black pieces? Why would he write a ****ing play about a game? [Siiiiigh.]
Uuuh yeah. Act I. Scene I. Venice. A Street. That's kinda vague, isn't it. Just "a street"? What street? That could be pretty ****ing important, you know, later on. Unless it's like New York and it's really A Street. Like the letter A. [He clears his throat] so there are two guys in this scene. Roderigo and Iago. [pause] Isn't Iago that parrot from that movie with that blue guy? Is this guy a parrot? So there's a parrot and a dude talking on A Street in Venice. This thing already doesn't make any ****ing sense.
Anyway. So Roderigo says "Tush." Whoa! It's the first word of the play and they're already talking about someone's ***. Alright. Alright. I'm on board, now. Let's do this. Okay. So he says [he reads in a vaguely bored deadpan] "Tush. never tell me! I take it much unkindly That thou, Iago, who hast" Hast. We're like one sentence in and he's already ****ing making up words. "who hast had my purse." Wait. The dude has a purse? That's... that's kinda weird. What ****ing kinda guy carries a purse? And why is a parrot holding it for him? [He sighs] "who hast had my purse as if the strings were thine, shouldst know of this."
And Iago says, " ’Sblood." [pause] 'sblood. Apostrophe s-b-l-o-o-d. What does that... what does that even mean? 'sblood. It's not even a ****ing word. It's like... Blood. Blood is a word. I know what blood is but what the **** is 'sblood? Is it like he was starting to say something else and decided to say blood instead? ssssssssssssblood? [He sighs gruffly, grumbling softly] This guy is supposed to be like the best writer ever but he's making shit up. So Iago says "'Sblood but you’ll not hear me. If ever I did dream of such a matter, Abhor me." Abhor me. That means hate. So he's asking the dude to hate him if he even dreamed about... whatever the **** they're talking about. Okay. I got this.
So Roderigo says back, "Thou toldst" Toldst. [he sounds the word out slowly, enunciating the foreign sound] Toooldst. "Thou toldst me thou didst" Now, see, this guy's not so great. He's just ****ing adding st on the end of words. I can do that, too. I ****ingst told you this was stupidst as shit. See? I'm... I could be the next Shakespeare. I should write this shit down. [pause] Wait. I'm recording it. Okay. So I'm gonna listen to it later and write it down then. [He looks over the book and calls louder to the man recording this whole thing (... as if he couldnt' hear him just fine anyway)] Pickles! Remind me to write this shit down! Okay? Okay. I'm gonna keep reading, now!
[He clears his throat again and returns his gaze to the book.] "thou didst hold him in thy hate." Oh. OH! They're talking about some other guy, now! Why didn't he just say that? Why can't he just say "You told me you hated him." See? That's just so much better and it doesn't have the made up words. Boom. Done. Just like that.
Uh. Iago says... [His eyes scan the page and he makes a face] wow this guy talks a lot. I'm, uh, just gonna skim it and, uh, [he mutters] words words, blah blah blah. This guy really ****ing likes apostrophes... Okay. So Roderigo says "By heaven, I rather would have been his hangman." Whoa so he's ready to kill this guy, whoever he is. He wants to ****ing hang him. That's brutal....
((OOC: As always **** denotes swears censored by guitar riffs))
[not here]
This is the WORST THING.]
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He probably weeps for it more than he's wept for the death of most other living beings out there.]
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I'm reading it right out of the ****ing book, aren't I?
[pause] What the ****'s wrong with your neck? [so tactful, Nathan.]
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[his eyes get wide and he stares at the hot chick with fucking SPARKS shooting out of her neck]
That's brutal.
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[... no really he doesn't realize that happens.]
So, what, you're like a monster. Like Frankenstein or something?
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[he pauses awkwardly... he's not used to having to introduce himself... ever.]
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