[It's 3 AM and the feed flickers on to reveal a shirtless Nathan Explosion sitting up against his headboard. He's got a pair of reading glasses perched on the end of his noise and he taps the camera with the eraser of his pencil.]

Hey! Community! Hey! Hey. Hey. You awake? Is anyone awake? Is anyone there? I have a question. Come on one of you ***holes has to be awake. Hey.


[He pauses, clearing his throat as if preparing to ask a Very Serious Question.]

What's a 5 letter word for an arboreal lemur?

[There's a crinkle as he shifts the newspaper in his hand. That's right, ladies and gents, Nathan just woke you up for help on a crossword puzzle. IT'S IMPORTANT SHIT, OKAY?!]

[The feed cuts on for a moment to show Nathan sitting at his computer. Looks like someone's too lazy to actually, you know, DIAL HIS PHONE or WALK DOWN THE HALL]

Charles. Charles. Hey Charles. Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh I need a brain and a body bag [He stops a moment, thinking] Oh! Oh and some guts. Like... a briefcase full of guts.

[He pauses, blinking for a second before picking up a handheld tape recorder]

Idea for a song. Briefcase full of guts.

[He flicks off the tape recorder and without waiting for a response from his manager he just... walks away.]

( some time later (click for video) )

((OOC: Nathan Explosion and his attempt at.... KOMEDYYYYYY))

Dear Community,

I need your help.

I happen to be part of a friendly neighborhood crime syndicate. My sister is a cop and she is dating. However, thanks to my criminal connections, I know the man she is interested in happens to have his dead girlfriend taxidermied in his basement. (No, I don't know how she died. I'm pretty sure the fact that she's taxidermied in his basement is warning sign enough.)

How do I go about getting her to realize that he is not a good match for her without getting stabbed?

From, Worried Brother

[[All tags will be anon unless otherwise stated!]]

[The feed turns on to show Nathan standing in a recording studio. He's holding a rather thick book and sighing as he stares at it. His eyes roll up to look at the community.]

So, uh, they're paying me like a billion dollars to do one of those ****ing audio tape things of this dude. Uuuuuuuhhhhhhh Shakespeare. Yeah. So I thought I'd give you ***holes a free sample. but just a sample. Cause if you wanna hear the whole thing you gotta ****ing buy it.

[He looks back at the book]

So this is Othello. By Shakespeare. [pause] Othello... isn't that a game or some shit? Like with the white and black pieces? Why would he write a ****ing play about a game? [Siiiiigh.]

Uuuh yeah. Act I. Scene I. Venice. A Street. That's kinda vague, isn't it. Just "a street"? What street? That could be pretty ****ing important, you know, later on. Unless it's like New York and it's really A Street. Like the letter A. [He clears his throat] so there are two guys in this scene. Roderigo and Iago. [pause] Isn't Iago that parrot from that movie with that blue guy? Is this guy a parrot? So there's a parrot and a dude talking on A Street in Venice. This thing already doesn't make any ****ing sense.

Anyway. So Roderigo says "Tush." Whoa! It's the first word of the play and they're already talking about someone's ***. Alright. Alright. I'm on board, now. Let's do this. Okay. So he says [he reads in a vaguely bored deadpan] "Tush. never tell me! I take it much unkindly That thou, Iago, who hast" Hast. We're like one sentence in and he's already ****ing making up words. "who hast had my purse." Wait. The dude has a purse? That's... that's kinda weird. What ****ing kinda guy carries a purse? And why is a parrot holding it for him? [He sighs] "who hast had my purse as if the strings were thine, shouldst know of this."

And Iago says, " ’Sblood." [pause] 'sblood. Apostrophe s-b-l-o-o-d. What does that... what does that even mean? 'sblood. It's not even a ****ing word. It's like... Blood. Blood is a word. I know what blood is but what the **** is 'sblood? Is it like he was starting to say something else and decided to say blood instead? ssssssssssssblood? [He sighs gruffly, grumbling softly] This guy is supposed to be like the best writer ever but he's making shit up. So Iago says "'Sblood but you’ll not hear me. If ever I did dream of such a matter, Abhor me." Abhor me. That means hate. So he's asking the dude to hate him if he even dreamed about... whatever the **** they're talking about. Okay. I got this.

So Roderigo says back, "Thou toldst" Toldst. [he sounds the word out slowly, enunciating the foreign sound] Toooldst. "Thou toldst me thou didst" Now, see, this guy's not so great. He's just ****ing adding st on the end of words. I can do that, too. I ****ingst told you this was stupidst as shit. See? I'm... I could be the next Shakespeare. I should write this shit down. [pause] Wait. I'm recording it. Okay. So I'm gonna listen to it later and write it down then. [He looks over the book and calls louder to the man recording this whole thing (... as if he couldnt' hear him just fine anyway)] Pickles! Remind me to write this shit down! Okay? Okay. I'm gonna keep reading, now!

[He clears his throat again and returns his gaze to the book.] "thou didst hold him in thy hate." Oh. OH! They're talking about some other guy, now! Why didn't he just say that? Why can't he just say "You told me you hated him." See? That's just so much better and it doesn't have the made up words. Boom. Done. Just like that.

Uh. Iago says... [His eyes scan the page and he makes a face] wow this guy talks a lot. I'm, uh, just gonna skim it and, uh, [he mutters] words words, blah blah blah. This guy really ****ing likes apostrophes... Okay. So Roderigo says "By heaven, I rather would have been his hangman." Whoa so he's ready to kill this guy, whoever he is. He wants to ****ing hang him. That's brutal....

((OOC: As always **** denotes swears censored by guitar riffs))

[The feed cuts in on... Finland. What? Nathan stands at a podium about to deliver a ****ing speech.]

( Cut for video )

[As a tree flies past Nathan's head he turns and looks up to see... a ****ing troll]

****.

((OOC: Feed will cut out at 3:58. Small bump for Nathan and Charles. As always **** = curses censored by guitar screech. Are all those rolling black clouds and the freaking troll a result of Nathan Explosion's most brutal singing or that empathetic environment virus going around? That's for you to decide.

Hint: It's not the virus

Also I highly encourage you to watch the rest of the episode. Enjoy!))

[The audio cuts in on the sound of two large doors being pulled open. There are a few muffled voices that stop as someone near the feed starts talking] Ooookay before we, ah... go out there... here are your Dethphones. [The darkness is cut by flickering firelight as the flaps of the box containing the phones transmitting the feed are opened, revealing an extremely dark and brutal room. Standing above the box is a bespectacled man in a grey suit and red tie. Charles smirks slightly as he points out one of the phones to the four men standing around the box] Here you go. There’s yours. [A soft chuckle as a man with long brown hair picks up one of the phones, revealing it to be covered in wicked looking spikes of various lengths with a chain hanging from the bottom]

I don’t know what dat is. [The blond man gives Charles a dubious look]

[Charles holds up an advertisement for Dethphones, with the five members of Dethklok standing around looking quite brutal under the blood red letters.] Don’t you, ah, remember making this deal?

[A man with red dreadlocks combed over his receding hairline shrugs] Nope. Were we drunk?

[Charles looks over at him, raising an eyebrow. honestly, did Pickles even need to ask?] Yes. Yes, you were, actually.

This is heavy. [The man with long brown hair holds the phone up to his face, one of the bigger spikes pressing into his cheek.] It hurts my face. Boy I really hates it.

Well. It’s, ah, your design. You may have been drunk but you made a very convincing case to me, so.

[A large man with long black hair points at Charles. Nathan’s voice is little more than a growl as he speaks] Alright. You know we get really really excited about really bad ideas when we drink. And it’s your job to talk us out of it, right?

[Charles’ eyes turn to Nathan, and he keeps his tone level, one eyebrow raised.] Oh I tried. I tried very hard but you all threatened to kill me, if you don’t remember.

So? Big deal. Dose threats aren’t new.

Mmm-hmm. Noted. Anyway, look. [Charles looks over the contract in his hands] You’re on the band plan and “weekend murder minutes” start at 11 PM. How do you like that?

[Nathan stares at Charles] Waitaminute nighttime minutes start at 11 pm? Oh that’s brutal.

Well, it was your idea.

[A voice comes from the other side of the bus] Well they suck. [pause] I approve.

[Nathan sighs and picks up one of the phones, stalking off to to the next room to grab a beer before that **** speech Charles was making him give. He glances down and sees... ducks. What the ****. He stops dead in his tracks.]

Charles. Charles?! [pause] Charles why the **** are there ducks on my phone?

((OOC: Red is Charles and Green is Nathan. Anything in Italics is the rest of the band. **** is a guitar-riff censored swear. Feel free to recognize the boys and have at it! :D))