40; Anon Post; kefka is actually not exaggerating much this time; no seriously; i can't make this up

[sandinmyboots]

Dear Community,

I need your help.

I happen to be part of a friendly neighborhood crime syndicate. My sister is a cop and she is dating. However, thanks to my criminal connections, I know the man she is interested in happens to have his dead girlfriend taxidermied in his basement. (No, I don't know how she died. I'm pretty sure the fact that she's taxidermied in his basement is warning sign enough.)

How do I go about getting her to realize that he is not a good match for her without getting stabbed?

From, Worried Brother

[[All tags will be anon unless otherwise stated!]]

Comments

[tenminutes]

I'd start by telling her that.

[sandinmyboots]

I don't want her to up and stab me again!

[tenminutes]

Again? Isn't she supposed to be a cop?

[text]

[boostup4beetbuster]

Have you thought about trying to get photos?

[text]

[sandinmyboots]

[Drat! There are no cameras on his world. Taking a picture would be useless. But saying so would blow his cover, so. Uh.]

It's unlikely. If I snuck in and got caught, she'd blow a gasket. And if I did get them, would she dismiss them as being manipulated with Photoshop?

[HOW DOES TALKING ABOUT EARTH STUFF WORK. Wikipedia can only tell him so much!]

Re: [text]

[boostup4beetbuster]

Good point. Let's see...

How good is she at tracing people back to you? If you can manage to get someone hired very under-the-table, they might be able to get the evidence or at least if they get caught, you won't get traced to them.

Alternatively, there's coming up with some kind of ploy to get her down in that basement to see for herself.

[chestboard]

Hmmm...

I would almost say tell the truth, but if you think about it I guess that could result in a stabbing, tempers flare from this kind of thing.

Show her? Maybe....

[sandinmyboots]

Yeah. We parted on bad terms last time. See: the stabbing.

I'm not sure how to show her, since it'd be tricky to get into his house unnoticed and there's always photoshop. Maybe if I showed up in disguise or got someone to show up to tell her about the corpse bride...

[Video]

[material_guy]

If you got criminal connections, you oughtta know how it works when you can't go to the cops. You take care of the problem yourself.

[sandinmyboots]

[BUT HE'S LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH]

[cruuuuud what do what do]

She used to be one of us. She's more in the know than most people, and I don't want to make things worse between us. It's less a cops thing and more a siblings thing, you know?

[selfished]

... What kinda people do ya even know?

[ IS SHE THE ONLY ONE SURPRISED ABOUT THIS.. ]

[sandinmyboots]

I know some messed up people from my job as a mafia person, but the dead chick in the basement deal is brand new to me!

[DDD'S SEEN WEIRDER.]

[permatext]

[structuraldefect]

I think you may have bigger concerns than telling her.

[sandinmyboots]

Like what?

[heavenlyhome]

If you cannot tell her out right, Worried Brother, perhaps do so with a note and a picture in proof?

[sandinmyboots]

But there's the trouble of breaking into the house and her believing it's photoshop!

anon

[fortheworld]

Severely damage his house. The investigation into the cause of this will likely pull up the taxidermy amongst other evidence.

Alternatively, find some other method to ensure a government body is obligated to inspect it.

[sandinmyboots]

Good idea!

[There's not much of a government these days, given that the world is ruled by monsters and most of the major city-states are in disrepair, but blasting that house could work. And he does have a magic death laser.]

I'm pretty sure I can adjust my house-damaging techniques to not destroy everything!

[dekillerqueen]

... Do tell her that this man has his dead girlfriend taxidermied in his basement.

[sandinmyboots]

But would she believe me?

[thats_brutal]

Wait wait wait wait wait. He has his girlfriend stuffed in his basement?

[pause]

That's brutal.

[sandinmyboots]

Yeeeep.

[Technically, she's been embalmed, but close enough. Dead chick. Preserved. Basement. It's hard to squick a Kefka but it has been done.]

Even I have some standards.

[elloran]

It sounds as if this young man has unfinished business with his first girlfriend. I would recommend reanimating her so that they might make their amends, before letting the gentleman explain himself to your sister.

[sandinmyboots]

I can't bring the dead back to life. It's a physical impossibility. At best, I'd get a zombie girlfriend running around. At worst, an angry ghost would come after -

[sandinmyboots]

...say, that's not a bad idea.