[accidental video post]

[mariannethree]

[Marianne stands, hand on an iron-work banister, looking down from the third floor balcony of her Library. Her hair is pulled sternly back from her face, and she looks tired, worn, and worried about whatever she sees on the ground floor.

There are murmurs beneath her and the words "Good evening Madam Delubovoska..." spoken in a reverential tone.

When the Madam speaks, the Library goes mad. The railing beneath Marianne's hand comes alive. The iron-work unwinds, forming a mass of snakes that expand and strike where her hand was a moment before. She stumbles back, hand over her mouth, as around her the snakes grow and writhe, poison dripping from their fangs.

A warm glow surrounds her, and she pulls a small card from her shirt. The warmth it exudes seems to hide her from the snakes' notice, and she crouches behind her desk, holding the card close as the world around her turns into a writhing nest of vipers that fill every space but hers.

Again and again they strike, before finally receding unhappily, leaving the Library looking as if nothing happened. The glow around her fades as the Madam leaves the Library. Cautiously Marianne reaches up to her book and slowly writes her question.]

Book-people? Are you there? I think...I could use some company tonight.

Would you talk to me for a bit?

Marianne Zahma-
Under Assistant,
The Library
Chaos: 582 Order: 703

Comments

[mariannethree]

Drowned as in brought to unbearable despair, or literally drowned?

[tenminutes]

I had my memories nearly obliterated, then when I fought back literally drowned.

[mariannethree]

That...is unfortunate. Wouldn't it have been better to give up those memories?

[tenminutes]

Why would you ever give up your memories as long as you still exist? That's what makes you who you are, both good and bad.

[mariannethree]

Memories are not all one is. I have only a few, very fractured memories, but even without those I remained largely the same. Perhaps one's soul remains constant, no matter what one remembers.

[tenminutes]

Not when you've got a body and life and a future, anyway. Memories can change who you are drastically though. If certain things are taken away it's impossible to be exactly who you would be with the memories.

Say there were two doors and you used to know which one contained an angry lion and which one contained a free buffet, but you completely forgot for whatever reason. If you had your memories, you'd choose the free buffet. If you didn't have your memories, you'd take a long time worrying, a long time choosing, and you might even consider that the giant question mark in your head is something that you shouldn't know it doesn't matter and you end up going home instead of choosing the door. Your choices, who you are and what decisions you make-- that's all memories. Even moreso if they're most of what you have left like me.

[mariannethree]

I suppose since I have nothing left, not my memories, not my knowledge of my self, and certainly not any idea why I am where I am, this seems all rather strange.

It would still be you making the choices, though, correct? You would choose the buffet, or challenge the lion, or return home, based on the same logic, which would be different for every individual. One individual would consistently make different choices, based on different logic, than another.

I, for example, would likely always return home. The possibility of a buffet would always be outweighed by the possibility of being eaten. I would not trust my memories, if I had them, and I would not trust whoever had arranged the test if I had lost them. Others might do the same.

[tenminutes]

I suppose the best thing to say would be... The existence of "You" and the "Who you are" would change.

[ Yuri seems to think for a moment. ] You don't have memories, so you choose home right? But what if your home isn't a place that's any safer and you just didn't know it?

[mariannethree]

Perhaps the cloth would change, but what lies beneath it would not...

The world is dangerous, and whether or not I remember it, home would likely be familiar. For example, the Library is home because I know how to navigate it. I suppose we make our homes from whatever we feel most comfortable with.

[tenminutes]

You feel comfortable with freaky snake lady?

[ Putting aside the philosophy for a second here.. ]

[mariannethree]

Well...no. I rather dislike her, in fact. She...frightened me. If I knew her in another life, the terror carried over if not the memories.

[tenminutes]

Then how is the library "home"?

[mariannethree]

Because the Madam was an outlier. For the most part the Library is safe, orderly and familiar. If I never attempted to change it, Madam would not have come and I could have continued as I am.

[tenminutes]

Isn't that boring though?

[mariannethree]

Boring is safe. We've talked about this before.

[tenminutes]

If one outlier can happen, doesn't that mean more can?

[mariannethree]

Yes...but doesn't it seem like tempting fate to act out more?

[tenminutes]

I don't believe in fate. All it means is that senseless acts are given an excuse they don't deserve.

[mariannethree]

I suppose so. But isn't fate better than believing that the whole world is just casually cruel?

[tenminutes]

No. [ There's a firmness to that rejection of her question. ] Casually cruel makes more sense. If you accept that there has to be a reason to everything, that it had to happen, then all you're left with is asking "why" because there are some things there is never an acceptable answer for.

[mariannethree]

I suppose so. I'm just not sure I want to live in a world where bad things happen to good people without reason.

And maybe, if I lived in a world like that, then none of this would have been my fault and that just seems...strange.