1.0; Reboot: Kefka 2, Electric Boogaloo

[sandinmyboots]

I am going to die of boredom if this keeps up!

[Here is a little pale man sitting on a ledge of rock. Only a few smudges of light make it through the clouds to show off the scarlet paint on his face and fill the hollow cheek bones.]

[He picks up a rock and throws it into the dark abyss below.]

How am I supposed to have any fun if nothing's on the line? A video game is nothing like real life. Game over; new game; continue. How can anything be fun if no precious lives are on the line? Now that I know the true nature of things, what's the point in continuing this farce of final boss?

[Kefka hops to his feet and starts yelling at the abyss.]

If they don't come back, I'll - I'll play loud music in the middle of the night. I'll kill someone and dance on his grave. I won't mix patterns for a week! I won't wear any bright colors! I'll destroy this universe and everyone in it, then hop to another and blast Never Going to Give You Up from the loudspeakers for hours at a time! So help me, if the ducks don't come back, I'll -

[A worldhop device falls out of the sky and whaps Kefka on the head. Kefka squawks, almost wobbles off the ledge, then tumbles onto his butt, off the ledge and onto the rocky ground.]

Yeouuuuch! What nasty creature dares hit Kefka on the head?!

[He looks up into the camera, then grins.] Ducks! You're back! 

Comments

[sandinmyboots]

I like that! A good villain loves recognition and praise for his efforts!

[aquaticrush]

Is that praise for your efforts?

[sandinmyboots]

People here like me, don't they?

[aquaticrush]

Yes, I think so.

[sandinmyboots]

Thus I am successful!

[i'm not sure that's quite right]

[aquaticrush]

Um, okay! I'm sorry, I'm not really understanding.

[sandinmyboots]

...do you think it'd be better if people didn't like me?

[aquaticrush]

No, of course not! It's good that they do!

[sandinmyboots]

The goal of the villain is to be disliked by the protagonists but be enjoyable to the viewer...

[aquaticrush]

That makes sense. I didn't mean to distress you.

[sandinmyboots]

I wonder if I'm having what the humans call a mid-life crisis.

[aquaticrush]

I thought that was when you just bought a car and got a new hobby.

[sandinmyboots]

It must be different for gods. There aren't even cars in this universe. All we have are tanks.

[aquaticrush]

How does that happen?

[sandinmyboots]

Well, we're about equivalent to the industrial revolution technology-wise...

[aquaticrush]

I guess so. Have you been well? I mean, I know you were upset.

[sandinmyboots]

The protagonists on my world are taking forever to come up and fight me. There's nothing to do! If I kill them before they show up because I'm bored, they'll never show up and I'll be even more bored! But if I cause too much havoc, they won't be able to prepare properly! There's nothing to do!

[aquaticrush]

That's a unique problem.

[sandinmyboots]

Starting a new game won't help, either. I don't know if I would survive that.

[aquaticrush]

Is there something you can do now that the community is back for you?

[sandinmyboots]

...I could play the villain for you guys? Although I don't think anyone would be comfortable doing something that could end in a perma-kill...

[aquaticrush]

That isn't a good idea! Ah, I mean, if there's anything else -- maybe there will be a fun virus soon?

[sandinmyboots]

Oh, maybe! I liked the one with animals!

[aquaticrush]

Which one? A lot have involved animals somehow.

[sandinmyboots]

Animal souls. THat one.