29; helping a sisbro out; now kiss!!!; clearly this plan has no flaws; stop flirting you guys

[sandinmyboots]

Hello, community! I must inform you of a terrible and nasty issue:

[Kefka raps on a blackboard with a riding crop. Chalked on it are the words SEXUAL TENSION.]

There are a great many of you flirting! And making doe-eyes! And not doing the proper thing about it, which is to stick each others' tongues in your mouths or confess your love and cuddle or go find a private area in order to proceed to do things I cannot mention on the public televisions!

Now. I will start naming names soon. Please come write in so I can help you with this terrible terrible problem. Or! Ask me about other problems like the Earth Dear Abby. I will fix your lives! I can give you a compatibility test to show your true loves! I will tell you how to deal with bad in-laws! I will make sure that you do not end up dying! In a cave! From a box of scraps!

[With any luck, Operation: Help Yuri Out will be a success.]

Comments

[unknownrival]

You have such a romantic way with words, Kefka.

[sandinmyboots]

That is because I am terribly romantic!

[Video]

[material_guy]

I know the perfect way to vent this sexual tension shit, too!

always video;

[createswithink]

Just another example of you trying to help others.

[unknownrival]

Humor me a moment and tell me if you're going to name anyone I know.

[sandinmyboots]

I have a list, in fact.

[Video]

[sandinmyboots]

Before they can sex, they have to admit it first! Otherwise they're too afraid to make the next step!

[starblaze]

... I don't understand.

always video;

[sandinmyboots]

Hush! This is to rid of the community of nasty sexual tension so I don't have to deal with it so much!

[IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE THE COMMUNITY OR ANYTHING, B-BAKA]

[doesitwithtrees]

...Really.

[quicktoreward]

Alright, okay. What's your idea?

[sandinmyboots]

You're...Dead Master's friend, right? I don't think you have anyone you need to go kiss at once, although you could go kiss her if you really felt like it. [UH] Or you could go kill something and give it to her as a gift, that is also good.

[unknownrival]

Go on.

[createswithink]

Ya see, if you didn't care at all, you could just ignore all of it!

[Video]

[material_guy]

So they need an encouraging setting!

There's a guy on here what got a tape of a pair on here doin' it right! We're gonna have a party to watch that together. Everyone oughtta come, 'n bring their own tapes.

You got an internet, don'tcha? I've been told you can get some really good stuff with Key Words! Somethin' to get the mood right and encourage everyone else to do it right, too!

[sandinmyboots]

Really!

[IT'S BLUFFING TIME]

[loyalbound]

[ ... wat ]

That last part seems a slight exaggeration.

[doesitwithtrees]

[...and Ayako is horrible enough to play along.]

Then- what should someone do about a friend who has crushes on two people but won't confess to either of them?

[sandinmyboots]

[Kefka pulls out two dolls. Of Utena and Anthy. And starts waving them around and speaking for them.]

Dear Anthy, I think you are really cute and must inform you that my feelings for you are not just platonic. Let us become equal partners and I will take on your burdens and you will take on mine and then we will cuddle a lot.

Ah Utena! I think this is a nice idea and perhaps this would allow us to deal with all the weirdness on our world together.

[Kefka sits the dolls together in a nonsexual cuddle.] And then you hug a lot.

[starblaze]

I'm not going to give her something dead. [as for the kissing part, uhhhh]

[sandinmyboots]

First off, you and Lancer.

[He pulls out dolls of Issei and Lancer. Don't ask where he got them.]

You need to confess your love and move in together and perhaps mash your faces together in order to sate your sexual needs and then talk about your feelings. In private.

[IN PRIVATE. Brb mashing the dolls' faces together.]

[anonymous]

[exceedingwords]

I can bet you that I know more how to resolve this tension than you do.

[sandinmyboots]

Well, some people think with their genital areas and I can't figure out how to stop them, so I'll shove them in a room together instead.

[sandinmyboots]

If you do, you suck at actually using this information because it's come down to me.

[unknownrival]

...Where did you get those dolls, I think is the first thing to ask.