[accidental video]

[lazyfacepalm]

--ind of virus?

[A feed opens up, directly in the middle of the man's conversation with himself, looking rather confused and showing mild signs of tension and worry.]

Looks like some BBS of sorts. What in the world did Haruhi install on this thing...

...Did she just find the ducks amusing or something? Is it their mascot? What...

[The video continues with him currently displeased, and confused. And the camera rolls...]

Comments

[denies]

You want to see it that badly, huh? In case you're wondering what it's all about, the red only tells the truth.

.. Satisfied yet, or do I have to do it again? At this rate it's starting to feel like some lame magician's trick.

[lazyfacepalm]

... (You're telling me that whatever is said in red just tells the truth, like that?!)

Once more, I'm right-handed. Say that for me.

[denies]

You are right-handed.

[ a beat. ]

Man, now I almost know what that witch must've felt like.

[lazyfacepalm]

(Aren't you a witch anyway?!)

..............

You are right-handed!

[He awaits flashy red-ness.]

[denies]

[ sorry, kyon, you can't be the battler to ange's beatrice just yet, apparently. she needs to murder your family first. ]

Only witches can do that, don't even bother. You'd just end up looking like an idiot.

[lazyfacepalm]

(Somehow I knew nothing would happen.)

So that means that thing you can do just proves you're some witch, then.

...Great. Just one thing after another. Isn't that thing weird anyway? You can just say just about anything on accident, and it'll be red if it's true.

[denies]

No, it's something you have to do on purpose. It's not like everything I say that's true instantly turns red or anything, that'd be pretty weird and annoying, not to mention not practical. [ she shrugs. ]

Do you get it now?

[lazyfacepalm]

(Playing Truth or Dare with you might be more fun than it would be on paper...)

I guess. Could you say "witches exist" then? Or "magic does exist!"

"Santa Claus is real!"

[denies]

I could. But.. do you really think a witch is going to proclaim her own existence to be fake? [ well, not that she's fully a witch, but hey, let him believe what he wants. ]

Besides, that way would make it boring.

[lazyfacepalm]

Does that mean I can say you're lying to me? (Of course, no one human can actually do something like that.)

...And that Santa Claus is real?

[denies]

You're free to go ahead and say that. After all, I wouldn't want to ruin your innocent childhood beliefs.

[lazyfacepalm]

Oh no, please don't. [Of course, after this, he eases up a little.]

...Can I ask how you became something like that? I can't see you just being born one.

[denies]

[ kyon, why do you ask the questions that are the easiest to abuse with answers which taken out of context (and in context, but..) are really weird but legit.. ]

I jumped off a skyscraper and became one.

[lazyfacepalm]

Will I ever get a straight answer from you.

[denies]

Hey, do you want a honest answer or a straight answer? You can't always have both.

Besides, it's pretty simple, isn't it?

[lazyfacepalm]

Sure, but what sense does it make?! None!

[denies]

Actually, when you try looking at it from another perspective [ no chessboard flipping here, okay ] it makes a lot of sense. After all, if you could become a witch through some mundance activity, everyone would be one.

[lazyfacepalm]

(Make it a fact, we don't need anymore witches running around.)

So if we all start doing crazy inhumane things, it's possible to become an oni or something.

[denies]

So that's your lifelong goal, huh? I guess it's a little different from the usual dream of becoming a superstar or something, good for you.

[lazyfacepalm]

No. Not an oni. Never. Ever. Why.

[denies]

I don't know, horns might look good on you.

[lazyfacepalm]

Do I look like some sort of evil villain to you?

[denies]

Just try an evil villain speech on for size and we'll see.

[lazyfacepalm]

Play the hero for me, and I'll see what I can do.

(For the sake of both our mind and soul, pray to Buddha, Mohammed, whatever you believe in! Do not do this.)

[denies]

[ no, no, kyon, you don't get it-- that sounds too much like a challenge, and THE USHIROMIYA ONE WINGED EAGLE NEVER GIVES UP..!! (okay, maybe she's just bored instead.)

so she clears her throat, and then, in the most unenthusiastic tone possible-- ]

"This is where it ends, evil villain."