[text; attempted (and utterly failed) anon]

[croibhristeoir]

There is a matter which I have found myself considering more and more often in recent days, though I can not say I know what precisely began such contemplation. The community's nature in particular complicates the idea itself, which does not help matters if one were to try coming to a conclusion of some kind. What it can be narrowed down to at its core is, I think, a mere question of five words.

Do you believe in fate?

Comments

[aquaticrush]

I'm not really sure. But I do know this place can change it.

[croibhristeoir]

What I have always been unclear about is whether or not finding this place is itself fated somehow. Or if perhaps it is just some haphazard chaotic force acting specifically to redirect such 'fated' events.

[aquaticrush]

But some people can change their fates and some are trapped.

[croibhristeoir]

What do you think differentiates the two?

[aquaticrush]

I don't know. I'm sorry. Nobody does.

[croibhristeoir]

Say that someone asked you to make your best guess at an answer to that. Would you have one?

[aquaticrush]

Maybe... it comes down to something we don't understand, putting more obstacles in front of some people than others. But that brings it back to fate again, doesn't it?

[croibhristeoir]

I am beginning to think I am simply not meant to comprehend this.

[aquaticrush]

I'm sorry.

[croibhristeoir]

It is no fault of yours. I should be apologizing for asking such complicated questions of anyone.

[aquaticrush]

You're a good person. You shouldn't have to apologize.

[croibhristeoir]

. . .

I did the anonymous thing entirely wrong again, didn't I.

[aquaticrush]

I'm sorry.

[croibhristeoir]

It isn't your fault.

[aquaticrush]

But you really are good.

[croibhristeoir]

I have my doubts about that.

[aquaticrush]

Why won't you believe it?

[croibhristeoir]

I just do not think I can.

[aquaticrush]

I know for a fact you're a very good person, and you can't disprove that.

[croibhristeoir]

Of course I can.

[aquaticrush]

Why do you think so!?

[croibhristeoir]

I ran away just to save my own life. Such an act should be unthinkable for a knight. It's unforgivable. I am and have always been a coward.

There is nothing good about that. Nothing I ever do will make up for my past.

[aquaticrush]

It's not unforgivable! You were afraid, you were trapped, and you didn't know what to do!

[croibhristeoir]

I should have done the right thing. I should have just accepted it...I should have died! I should have died as any other Servant does and kept my idiotic hateful mouth shut about it!

Saber would never have run away, and yet she still lives as well! Other than her I..I am the only one left. What makes me more deserving of life than my world's Saber, Rider or nearly any others? What gives me the right to live while the Diarmuid of Saber's world died screaming hatred?

[aquaticrush]

Please stop it! You only ever hate yourself, even when everybody else sees good in you! You blame yourself for things that weren't your fault and for daring to be unhappy with a cruel fate and horrible people who used and hurt you!