[text; attempted (and utterly failed) anon]

[croibhristeoir]

There is a matter which I have found myself considering more and more often in recent days, though I can not say I know what precisely began such contemplation. The community's nature in particular complicates the idea itself, which does not help matters if one were to try coming to a conclusion of some kind. What it can be narrowed down to at its core is, I think, a mere question of five words.

Do you believe in fate?

Comments

[chuanifrinn]

Well...if you don't want ton put yourself in the hands of fate and you don't believe in yourself enough to move fate with your own hands...you could give faith a shot since there's still...something there you can hold on to.

[croibhristeoir]

The only problem that lies there is that faith itself has never gotten me anywhere but in more trouble.

I gave someone my absolute trust once--he led me to my death. When I did so a second time, that trust was met with hatred and disdain.

As I said, there are those I believe in. But if I allow myself to trust absolutely...I am deeply afraid of what could result.

[chuanifrinn]

Trust requires some form of love or deep emotional bond...I get how that can be difficult. I have trouble with that sort of thing myself, but I guess I'm a masochist in a sadistic universe. There has to be...something good...I guess that's where I would start.

[croibhristeoir]

It seems whenever I find something worthwhile I'm overtaken by the sentiment that it is completely undeserved.

[chuanifrinn]

I think what you need to find is that thing that's worthwhile in yourself. You can't begin to get anywhere unless you find something about yourself that you value...that you like.

[croibhristeoir]

I have nothing like that. Whatever value my friends insist I have is nothing I have been able to see in a long time.

[chuanifrinn]

There's got to be something...maybe you have nice hands, eyes, lips, ears...feet...something...special talents...singing, painting, getting a nut out of its shell in one piece, battle skills...

...Come on...try...give me one thing...anything.

[croibhristeoir]

I can fight--and well, at that. Which is likely the only thing I can actually enjoy with any reliability these days.

But I hardly see how that qualifies one to be a worthwhile individual.

[chuanifrinn]

There's plenty to value in that! Fighting is a skill set, you know, it requires knowledge, knowledge that can be passed on...that's valuable.

You can make a difference in a life outside of yourself with that knowledge...how is that not worthwhile?

[croibhristeoir]

I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if anything honestly good I could do is merely a failed attempt at making up for everything I've done in the past.

[chuanifrinn]

That's futile anyway, making your entire future one giant penance for your past. It doesn't change the past and prevents you from using your worthwhile skills to change the future...especially since you only see it as something that will fail.

[croibhristeoir]

Then what should I be doing?

[chuanifrinn]

Hn...that depends on what sort of fighting you're good at. If you can use a sword or a bow then these skills can translate. Fencing and archery are skills that can be taught to children even in a modern era. At least, that's what I've learned.

[croibhristeoir]

Swords and lances are what I specify in. Anything else would take some practice.

[chuanifrinn]

Heh...ironic, we have similar specialties...though if you wanted to expand your skills too I think that's a great idea.

So...if you like little people and passing your knowledge on seems like something that might interest you...well...