1.0; Reboot: Kefka 2, Electric Boogaloo

[sandinmyboots]

I am going to die of boredom if this keeps up!

[Here is a little pale man sitting on a ledge of rock. Only a few smudges of light make it through the clouds to show off the scarlet paint on his face and fill the hollow cheek bones.]

[He picks up a rock and throws it into the dark abyss below.]

How am I supposed to have any fun if nothing's on the line? A video game is nothing like real life. Game over; new game; continue. How can anything be fun if no precious lives are on the line? Now that I know the true nature of things, what's the point in continuing this farce of final boss?

[Kefka hops to his feet and starts yelling at the abyss.]

If they don't come back, I'll - I'll play loud music in the middle of the night. I'll kill someone and dance on his grave. I won't mix patterns for a week! I won't wear any bright colors! I'll destroy this universe and everyone in it, then hop to another and blast Never Going to Give You Up from the loudspeakers for hours at a time! So help me, if the ducks don't come back, I'll -

[A worldhop device falls out of the sky and whaps Kefka on the head. Kefka squawks, almost wobbles off the ledge, then tumbles onto his butt, off the ledge and onto the rocky ground.]

Yeouuuuch! What nasty creature dares hit Kefka on the head?!

[He looks up into the camera, then grins.] Ducks! You're back! 

Comments

[aquaticrush]

I don't think that's a good thing, Kefka-san...

[sandinmyboots]

If it's not good, then you should change it.

[aquaticrush]

I'm trying. It's difficult.

[sandinmyboots]

Maybe you need (and I shudder as I make this suggestion, as I have nothing else I can think of) a self help booklet.

[aquaticrush]

I'm okay! That's fine! Though it might be better than Yuri-san's solution.

[sandinmyboots]

What's Yuri-san's solution?

[aquaticrush]

She subscribed me to Cosmopolitan.

[sandinmyboots]

...what's the Cosmopolitan? Isn't that an ice cream?

[aquaticrush]

That's Neapolitan. She subscribed me to a magazine that tells you, ah, really embarrassing and strange things.

[sandinmyboots]

That sounds alarming and very unhelpful!

[aquaticrush]

I didn't want to know "ways to break your bed".

[sandinmyboots]

Gaaack! [Kefka blanches.]

[aquaticrush]

I know... *Sulk.*

[sandinmyboots]

Maybe you need to have a bonfire.

[aquaticrush]

Wouldn't recycling it be nicer?

[sandinmyboots]

But isn't there a visceral pleasure in burning it? The heat and crackle of flames, the smell of smoke, the light that's there even when you close your eyes!

[aquaticrush]

I think that's just you, Kefka-san.

[sandinmyboots]

Haven't you ever sat around the campfire and reveled in the warmth while you cooked food on it?

[aquaticrush]

It's winter.

[sandinmyboots]

I didn't mean right now. I meant ever.

[aquaticrush]

I'd rather just recycle them. Yuri-san is gone, but I'm sure it would be rude to her anyway.

[sandinmyboots]

If you insist. You heroic types get all fussy if I yell too much.

[aquaticrush]

I didn't mean to offend you again!

[sandinmyboots]

I'm used to it by now.

[aquaticrush]

I'm sorry anyway.