hey what do you all know?
IT'S THE MOTHERFUCKIN DUCKS.
feels like it's all been a long time coming for this noise, and maybe it has.
I DON'T MOTHERFUCKIN KNOW SINCE THAT SHIT ISN'T EVEN IMPORTANT
what's important here is that we're in the now
WE'RE ALL UP TO MOTHERFUCKIN SPEED LIKE THE SPEED OF A BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA
all up and effecting the thinkpans of these motherfuckers

[ switches to video ==> the camera shows a nice table all set up. first thing you should notice is the nice arrangements of heads on top: Equius, Nepeta, Eridan and Feferi. Then one head belonging to Tavros on the ground. blood is just all over the place. A scrawl of purple across the front of the table reads "motherfuckin JURY"....

then gamzee brings the husktop around so the cam is facing him. ]

Just all sorts of motherfucking beautiful, isn't it? Took me all but two hours to get that shit done. Slicing those motherfuckin nubs off those bodies isn't easy, heh heh heh. Show time, motherfuckers.

[ then he sets the husktop down and walks off, honking to himself. ]

[The view opens on Stein, Sherry, and William Birkin standing outside of Stein's house, looking up at its grey, silent bulk. The moon is high overhead, grinning bloodily down at them and laughing quietly.]

[Stein is on his cellphone]

Yes, excuse me, do you do emergency calls? We need an exterminator, immediately.

[Pause]

Ah, slightly larger than a cockroach. Do you charge by the size of the house or the size of the insect?

[Strangely, Birkin is also on his cellphone]

Hi there, any chance you guys have any vacancies fooooor... Tonight? For maybe the next... Week or so?

[Pause]

Yeah, no, I know it's short notice. But- Lady, don't you tell me to "Calm down, sir" you don't know what I've been through tonight.

[And Sherry is also on her cellphone]

Hi, um, I have to cancel you coming over tomorrow, I'm sorry. My dads messed up the whole house, you know how it - okay, sorry about this.

[Pause]

Okay, I'll see you at school.

Hello, community! I must inform you of a terrible and nasty issue:

[Kefka raps on a blackboard with a riding crop. Chalked on it are the words SEXUAL TENSION.]

There are a great many of you flirting! And making doe-eyes! And not doing the proper thing about it, which is to stick each others' tongues in your mouths or confess your love and cuddle or go find a private area in order to proceed to do things I cannot mention on the public televisions!

Now. I will start naming names soon. Please come write in so I can help you with this terrible terrible problem. Or! Ask me about other problems like the Earth Dear Abby. I will fix your lives! I can give you a compatibility test to show your true loves! I will tell you how to deal with bad in-laws! I will make sure that you do not end up dying! In a cave! From a box of scraps!

[With any luck, Operation: Help Yuri Out will be a success.]

[The video starts at about 0:30.]

( youtube video under the cut... )

[Almost immediately after, it cuts off. Again, several hours pass before Tidus replies. Daylight has ended and it's in the middle of night. He's sitting somewhere in Macalania woods, alone. He looks a little tired.]

It's all just one big cycle of death. Why-- why does everything have to revolve around people dying?! Summoners being sent to their death, people dying in hopes that there will be enough power to stop the deaths...

[He pauses, slumping and stares at the sky before asking as an afterthought.]

Can you marry a dead guy?