Hey community.

[ This is Steve. This is Steve with an labrador retriever. He's drawing it and it's amusingly sitting there still enough to let him do it -- most of the time. It'll roll around or move closer when he looks down at the paper then try to stay still when he looks up-- like a hilarious game of red-light-green-light. He smiles at it. ]

I thought a dog followed me home, which is silly I guess. There aren't exactly stray dogs around anymore. Guess they solved that problem. But the community looks like it gave out pets for a virus, huh? That's fun. I always thought it'd be nice to have one but never could between allergies and the buildings not allowing it. This guy's great.

[ he pauses, looking up and the dog freezes. hahaha. he looks back down ]

Anyway, I guess I was worried about-- curious about-
It's a virus so you don't get to keep them, do you?

Ahhh. [ he can't stop laughing ]

Guys. Guys this new suit. I can't. Don't make me put it on. Did the rest of the guys know about this one? I'd show you but I can't figure out twitter pictures. Trust me on this though it's so-
And they're putting this in 3D?

Okay. Someone switch costumes with me. I'll be Iron Man. Just stick the helmet on me and I'll be covered head to toe. Nobody needs to see my butt.

[ And now we open up to Steve walking through the city. Naturally music is going to start laying because this is just how the community is working this week. This might be a little familiar to people--. With some tweaks. Everyone in italics is not Steve. ]

Oh this town. Not a quiet village...
Never a day, like the one before. Busy town! Full of busy people...
Waking up to say-
( this cut is for your own good )

I have recently been made aware that a great war hero by the name of Steve Rogers is member of this community.

I have something that I would like to talk to him about...it's not an urgent matter and I understand heroes have a very...active life. So no pressure or anything, it's a pretty casual request actually.

Anyway...I'd like to make this contact as discreet as possible and I would be grateful for anyone's...assistance...in making this contact.

[ BAM! Two geared up agents are thrown out of a wall of what looks like a little staged set. The next person climbing out of that wall is a very-much-alive-and-awake Steve, who is a complete mode of panic. He hesitates only a second before forcing the nearest doors open running out of there. Something is very wrong and he knows it. ]

-all agents, code 13!

[ Out of that room everyone else immediately tries to go after him and grab him. He's just shoving anyone and everyone over to get out of there-- and then he's outside in modern New York, which would be familiar and normal to someone that's not him. He runs until he gets to Times Square where he stops, overwhelmed. And that's where the black cars catch up to him, bearing the SHIELD logo. ]

[Armed soldiers and black suited men pour out of the cars, forming a perimeter around Steve and keeping the growing crowd of onlookers at bay. Nick Fury steps out and slowly walks towards Steve, an almost inperceptible smile on his face.]

At ease, Captain. I have to say, it's nice to finally be able to speak to you in person. [He pauses, gesturing behind him] Look, I'm sorry about that little show back there, but we thought it best to break it to you slowly.

[ Steve stops looking around to focus on him, relaxing just a tiny bit at the sight of him ] ...break what?

You've been asleep, Cap. ...For almost seventy years.

[ Steve's shoulders slump and he looks around, the implications of that statement sinking in on him. Mind racing. ]

You going to be okay?

Y-yeah... I just... I had a date.

[ there's the sound of wind blowing fast and a woman's voice cuts in- ] -Give me your coordinates. I'll find you a safe landing site.

There's not gonna be a safe landing. But I can try and force it down.

I-I'll get Howard on the line. He'll know what to do.

There's not enough time. This thing's moving too fast and it's heading for New York. I gotta put her in the water. But I-I can try-- [ there's shuffling then static, following the sound of him making a grab for the device and it hitting the floor. it cuts back in, the wind more prominent now and the sound of the plane speeding. The woman's voice is more upset, clearly holding on to the bad news. ]

-Eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late. Understood?

....you know, I still don't know how to dance.

I'll show you how. Just be there.

We'll have the band play something slow. I'd hate to step on your- [ a really large crashing sound cuts in.

-then the muffled sound that can only come from being submerged in water, there's a distant banging of metal on metal-- a shield hitting a wall, followed by movement and a very deep breath before Steve speaks up. He's a lot quieter than usual ]

T-testing... Not broken right? Is this thing on? So... I... Do you think I could bother anyone for one of those fancy worldhops? I was going to... [ a shaky breath ] --going to ask a while ago but the thing decided to be a pain. I know Yuri in particular only said emergencies and well it uh-- [ he goes silent at the sound of ice cracking for a really long moment ]

...I'll just wait here.

[ And the scenery is a speeding train on a track running along the cliff of snowy mountains! Cap and two of his men just zip lined on top of it. Bucky and Steve climb on in while the other one waits for his cue.

Sneaky sneak inside until the door close and separate them for a moment. Gunfire in one room. We're with Steve in the other compartment, who has this armored-laser-shooting son of a bitch come out and start firing at him. Not to worry, though. He uses something to swing on over, block with the shield, and kick this guy in the face. Then punch him out for good measure. Quick! To the other compartment, which he gets to by blasting the door open with this guy's laser. America, bitch.

He leans at the wall and motions to Bucky, who is currently ducking behind crates out of ammo while a guy fires at him. With a nod between the two, he tosses him a gun and runs at the guy and knocks over something as a distraction while Bucky gets in a headshot. Hell yeah. ]

I had him on the ropes.
I know you did.

[ but then- ] Get down! [ It's that armored-laser-shooting son of a bitch! He shoots and Steve blocks the blast with his shield. But what a blast that was. It reflects, knocks the thing out of his hand and him over, and blasts a hole in the side of the train. The guy charges for another blow and Bucky picks the shield up and starts shooting at the guy.

And another blast from this guy immediately knocks over Bucky who falls towards the hole in the side of the train. Steve gets up and quickly picks up the shield and tosses it at the guy to knock him out once more -- then he drops everything rushes to the side of the train climbing along the hanging wall where Bucky is holding on to a damaged piece for dear life ]

Bucky! Grab my hand! [ He reaches out and Bucky reaches back and snap! ] -No! [ The piece breaks, sending Bucky plummeting off the cliff. ]

[ You want to see some violent action, ladies and gentleman? Of course you do.

SO BAM! A warehouse door, a current base for enemy forces, gets kicked open by Captain America, who is in a significantly more badass version of that silly costume you might have seen earlier. He's up front with a circular shield that's reflecting bullets, followed by his team of six that are all armed to the teeth and hardly missing a shot.

They go in guns blazing and you think gee they are totally outmatched in there? because there are way more than seven men on the enemy side BUT NOPE. They're cleaning the place out.

There's enemies up on a ledge throwing grenades down into the area. MOVE MOVE MOVE. Steve catches one and throws it back up there. Bucky totally snipes the rest down. THEN- ]

10 o'clock Captain, they're making a run for it! [ How do you stop running guys? THROW A SHIELD AT THEM. He throws it towards the wall and it bounces off, knocking into one head -- the next-- off the wall again --

It's like pinball.

Bing bang boom. Everybody's down. ]

[ Today, we're sitting on the floor carefully applying a coat of nice red paint to this thing. Half of you what that is, don't even deny.

He's not looking at the camera while he talks. ]

So they're going to let me do stuff after that stunt I pulled. They gave me a medal for it and now I got myself a team. I'll be out in the field. ...I'll try not to let it post anything. [ since things might get graphic. think of the children! ]

Just thought I'd let you know in case anyone else was looking forward to another song and dance routine.

Guess that's all I really wanted to say. Oh and happy birthday to Sam.

[ The longest pause ever goes here. He lifts his hand up and looks his paint job over. So awkward. ]

...Has anyone ever tried fondue before?

[ And now for another episode of: 'What the hell are you doing, Steve?'
In this week's episode: Rescue Missions!

You're treated to an interesting view of a hall of cells containing war prisoners. There's a guy patrolling it. It's silent until Steve -- sneaks up behind the guy and knocks him out before stealing his keys. Steve is wearing his Captain America costume with a jacket and pants over it, that shield strapped to his back, and equipment that doesn't belong to him. (Wasn't one of his dancers wearing that helmet?)

The guys in the cell look reasonably confused: ] Who are you supposed to be?

Um... Captain America.

I beg your pardon? [ Steve starts letting them all out and they talk amongst themselves ]

Is there anybody else? I'm looking for a Sergent James Barnes. [ Someone answers that he might be in a spot nobody ever comes back from. Steve takes a little breath, nods, and starts giving them directions to get out. ]

-Get out fast and give 'em hell. I'll meet you guys in the clearing with anybody else I find.
[ The guys are still giving him a baffled look because who the hell is this guy seriously ] Wait- you know what you're doing?

Yeah. I've knocked out Adolf Hitler over 200 times. [ And with that Steve runs off camera while the guys exchange looks. ]

...Was he wearing a duck pin?

[ This is Steve. Steve is currently leaning back in a chair and balancing it on its back legs with his feet up on a table, rocking it a bit and drunkenly singing.

That's right. ]

Who will redeem, head the call for America? Who’ll rise or fall, give his all for Amer-- [ hiccup ] -ca. Who’s here to prove that we caaaaaAAAaaannn....

Thhhhe staaaar spangled MAN with a pla- AH-- [ And he tipped the chair too far back and it toppled backwards, interrupting his little number there.

That might be the sound of the chair breaking ]

[ ladies and gentleman: Captain America. ...Really.
See Steve, sitting in a chair in full costume, leaning his arms on his shield. He's rocking the chair a bit with his feet while giving the camera an uncomfortable look. Awkwaard. ]

Does anyone here have any experience as an actor?

( "Sob. Le canon updates are so wordy looking," you say! I can assure you I write like an idiot. It's not that bad! Still if this appears TL;DR I've happily provided: video clips! HURRAAAAY. Now to your regularly scheduled text walls: )

[ OH ME OH MY. It's a two part special! Everyone it's time to look at Steve trail behind during this training. MOVE MOVE and he's in the back all wheeze in his oversized helmet. Anyway they stop in front of a flag marking the halfway point of this running. DRILL SERGEANT GUY alerts the men that anyone who can get that flag off the pole gets a ride back in the truck with Agent Carter, who is that lovely woman sitting shotgun. ;D Hey hey.

They FAIL miserably trying to climb that flagpole. Too bad Mulan didn't come out yet. Wheezy Steve, however, gave this one look before he unscrewed the flagpole and let it fall over. He calmly picked that flag up, handed it to the Sergeant with a polite 'Thank you, sir' and climbed on in the truck. SEE YA LOSERS. ]

[ BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE and it's not the montage! Cue the team doing push-ups (Steve doing miraculously horrible at it) while Agent Carter supervises and says hilarious things like her dead grandmother does them better. BUT WE'RE IN ON SOMEONE ELSE'S CONVERSATION---- What what? Yeah I know. Accented Science Guy and Agent K The General, we'll call them. The General is basically pointing out the hilarity of bringing a 90 pound asthmatic to his army base whywouldyoupickhim? WE SHOULD PICK THE BIG GUY. Science Guy states The Big Guy is ~a bully~ ]

[ The General almost snorts and states: ] You don't win wars with niceness, doctor. You win wars with guts. [ And he pulls the pin out of a grenade and throws it at the team :| ] Grenade!

[ OH SH-! Everyone moves and ducks and covers!
...Minus Steve who dived on top of the thing and warned everyone to get way. Turns out it's a dummy grenade. No boom? Steve is confused. ] Is this a test?

[ Accented Science Guy is smug looking about his choice and The General can't argue now. ":| He's still skinny." ]

[ Anyone familiar with Steve's post will know what a rejection stamp looks like. The one he's currently holding up to show-off though isn't that. Seriously. Someone approved him. ]

I joined the army today.

The fifth time is the charm? Bucky took me to the Expo and I went to give it another shot. Dr. Erksine came to talk to me and he thinks the little guy should get a try. I got lucky.

The day turned out really swell considering I hit my head on a trashcan earlier. [ SMILE. ...pauses ]

Oh. Does anyone own a flying car?

Third time is not the charm. Might be the least charming. The men in there were trying not to laugh. One actually did but...-Someone remind me to get cucumbers.

Does anyone know if four can be a lucky number?
And is anyone here a bartender? Yuri needs one.

[ Hi ho. Today we have Steve... and his flu. Have a sniffle-filled video with an occasional cough in a tissue. He takes a second to adjust the camera ]

Did everyone have a good Christmas yesterday? Or a good holiday if you celebrated something else. I was wondering what everyone celebrated on here or if Christmas traditions changed.

Oh and thanks for the food. Apple pie, cherry pie, and the little minced ones from Mako then Kurt gave me cookies. I think I'm covered for a while now. I haven't tried any of it yet but it looks great. I stuck with the tea Rory gave me for now, which is also great.

---Was the mace from Yuri? I'm just guessing from the other gift. I keep thinking if I touch it I'll end up breaking a lamp. Ha ha.

I can ask questions on this, right? -I just did. Okay. Two more.

What do you give a girl for Christmas?
I got one for the Secret Santa and I think it's supposed to be something different than what I'd give everyone else. So it's secret. It would be a little too obvious if I was the only one drawing cards up and then she got one.

And does anyone know how to fool a doctor? Round two didn't go so well.