Got a Q for you guys.

Why would you want to be a crummy sailor when you can be a queen?

Just sayin'

[Despite all evidence to the contrary, she *is* actually affected. She's just the person you have to defeat with the power of friendship :P]

[It's a video feed. A very dramatic video feed. There is a shadow in silhouette, but instead of the moon behind him, it's very obviously artificial light, probably a spotlight up on some helicopter pad. SHIELD installations are well-equipped.

A breeze picks up, and an equally dramatic rush of papers fly by, what little can be seen are obviously classified reports, much of the information redacted.

The silhouette steps forward then, and there's really no mistaking Coulson.

Except he's not in a suit. He's in a very short skirt. Black. Still wearing a tie though. Some things are a universal constant.]

There's obviously some evil plot going on now. Some sinister scheme that we're only seeing the beginnings of.

But know this!

Wherever evil is lurking, I will find it! I am...

The sailor soldier of Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics!
Sailor SHIELD!

[And he strikes a pose, though it's much more "gun drawn and aimed at the camera" than anything else.]

In the name of SHIELD
I will debrief you!

[The video turns on to show a city, very similar to Zanarkand before it was destroyed. Suddenly, amidst the chatter screaming can be heard as several fiends appear out of nowhere to attack. Everything seems hopeless when...]

Stop right there!

[Someone starts approaching, and once closer he might be familiar, despite the outfit change which happens to be in his favorite colors: yellow and black. Shouting through his megaphone, he continues on.]

You've had your fun in my town for too long! Now it's time for good to finally score its winning goal. You don't stand a chance against me! I've been training for a while three hours for this chance. Give me all you got, because Sailor Sunshine isn't going to go easy on you!

[With that, he conjures his magical, sparkly Blitzball, bouncing it a few times before smiling cheerfully.]

[Mai seems to be hiding in an ally of some kind. She is huddled down low and speaks in a low tone. Despite her quite, she still sounds on edge.] Pearl. Pearl, are you there? We've got trouble.

[a split screen opens up and Pearl's face appears. she appears to be... in the middle of a city?] Yes, I'm here! What is it?

There's a whole group of monsters attacking by the arcade!

[Pearl looks shocked, and then determined.] I don't think I'm too far away... I could probably get there in a minute if I run! Are you okay? How many are there?

Four or five I think. I'll head out first.

Right! I'll be there as soon as I can. Be careful!

[video]

*Kano is crossdressing. No, really. She's binding, wearing sunglasses, and has on an outfit that would not look out of place in an early-2000s boy band. She clears her throat, twirls her microphone, and grins at the camera.*

Hey, all you Lights fans! The three of us are coming your way!

*The screen is filled up with promotional images of Kano, Yayoi, and Black★Rock Shooter, all similarly passing for guys and posing in posters that would not be out of place in an eleven-year-old girl's room.*

That's right, we're taking our tour all over and sending all our love to you! Hear our latest hit, "Shot in the Dark", along with songs like "Puddle of Love" and "Spark My Heart", which have captured your hearts the universe over! Check your local stations to find out if we'll be playing near you! Also, buy our new CD, "Searching for You", in stores now!

We'll be waiting!

[later, video -- locked to Yayoi, Shooter, and Akeldama]

*Kano has ditched the compression shirt and backwards baseball cap and now just looks like a girl dressed as a guy. She sighs.*

Are we any closer to finding Princess Utena? Or, for that matter, the Light of Hope, whatever it is? Not that this isn't a lot of fun, but we kinda suck as bodyguards if we lost her again.

There's a lot of activity around here lately. You know what sounds really good?

A nice long trip. You know, fighting evil in various places. I can do it all by myself. (No, really. Just because someone is royal and a girl doesn't mean anyhthing...)

Any one have anything they need handled? I'm finally out on my own and I'm ready to show the universe just what exactly I can do.

By the way, if someone comes around looking for a princess? I'm not her. Just so you know.

[You are greeted by a typical city scene at night, and there looks to be a fight going on. In the center of that fight is Cinderella, only her outfit is not something she would normally wear. And the "man" that she is fighting does not appear to be human either. At least the glass like shoes she is wearing seem quite durable, as the don't even crack when she kicks the man right in the face sending him across the street.]

I told you I would punish you.

[And the video cuts off there.]

[When the video starts the viewer is assaulted by the most incredible theme music in the history of ever. But the theme music is merely there to supplement a mysterious disembodied voice.]

Piercing the dark heart of injustice like the clarion call of a trumpet…

[The voice isn’t disembodied for long because soon the viewer is given a gratuitous lower body shot, thrown into sharp relief by a gold light in the background]

…the melody of truth will prevail…

[And here comes the gratuitous upper body shot]

…I am the glimmerous Superstar! Sailor Starzählzeit!

[And the head shot…but doesn't that face belongs to someone familiar, a certain vain, ex-rocker, prosecutor. Except for the fact that their genders don’t match, yet anyone who has ever seen the female version of Klavier in previous viruses knows it’s him…her…whatever…]

…Stage on!

[And finally…the full body shot! Come at her evil, she'll smite you with her microphone of justice and heal you with her gavel of punishment.]

[The video starts in Morpheus’s dream agency, Ariadne, Arthur, Eames and Elektra just finished training and they are still in costume. Arthur is wearing a mostly black tuxedo with red accents and red gloves. Arthur turns to the camera.]

It has come to our attention that a lot of the new sailor senshi appearing all around the universe have very little training if any at all. We want to offer our service to those who still need to learn how to use and develop their abilities.

[The camera turns to focus on Ariadne. She is wearing a typical senshi uniform in red and gold colors.]

I’ll be helping out those soldiers whose powers focus on defense and healing. Even if your powers are more for the offense, I can help build some more defensive tactics with you. It always helps to have something.

[Now a focus on Eames. Eames wears a similar tuxedo to Arthur's, except that his accents and gloves are blue.]

Ladies, gentlemen, those of indeterminate gender: when a large, deadly someone is out to kill you or maim you in awful ways, you could stand and fight...but sometimes it's better to disguise yourself so well they don't even realize you're there. For disguise-related skills and spells, I can help you become a human chameleon.

[And a focus on Elektra. She is in a customized black and red senshi outfit. Don't worry though; she still has to wear the mini skirt. She looks less than impressed at Eames bit.]

Or if you plan on actually defeating whoever is trying to suck the life out of your planet and its people this week, I'll be teaching you how to successively do that. Just because we can't dress practically while fighting whatever "great evil" [Yes, she's air quoting.] is around, doesn't mean we can't fight practically.

[And finally back to Arthur.]
And finally I can train those with powers of illusion over environments. Strategy will also be discussed.

[Suddenly Eames leans in, grinning.] And really, where else can you find a place to kick some arse and look so good?

[Arthur frowns slightly and cuts the feed.]

[ooc: red is arthur, purple is ariadne, blue is eames, and green is elektra.]

[The feed opens with the image of a familiar ghost posing proudly on a rooftop edge, with the moon as a backdrop.  His usual simple spandex has been replaced by a black formal suit, with a brilliantly white cape blowing back in an inexplicable wind.  On his face?  A simple white mask almost too small to qualify as a disguise.  

And in his hand?  A single white rose that glows in the moonlight with an almost greenish light.

He poses dramatically for several seconds, before raising his rose to the sky and beginning to speak.]

Fear not, my troubled town!  I, Tuxedo Phantom, will always be here to guard against the despicable deeds of the dark!  Upon the honor of my ghostly roses I pledge this!  No evil shall ever be allowed to triumph!

[Heroically, he leaps into the air and strikes a listening pose.]

Is that the sound of cacophonous crime I hear?  I must be off!

[There's a Kaitou on the screen again. He looks rather pleased with himself as he's tapping on an iPad he obtained illegally.]

Hey community, I'm putting up a ad on Ebay. how does this sound?

Offering 1 Princess, mint condition, goes by the name of Princess Utena. Will trade for treasure of equal value. Must be mint condition. Serious buyers please.

]And there's a picture of Utena too.]

In short, I got myself a princess. Magical Girls may attempt a rescue at this address. [Attaches an address.]