Hey all!

Just a quick question, while I have time.

If you were going to hire someone to transport something, what qualities would you like them to have, and what would you want to move?

Magic, enemies, weight, none of that matters. Just the best service!

[The feed cuts on for a moment to show Nathan sitting at his computer. Looks like someone's too lazy to actually, you know, DIAL HIS PHONE or WALK DOWN THE HALL]

Charles. Charles. Hey Charles. Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh I need a brain and a body bag [He stops a moment, thinking] Oh! Oh and some guts. Like... a briefcase full of guts.

[He pauses, blinking for a second before picking up a handheld tape recorder]

Idea for a song. Briefcase full of guts.

[He flicks off the tape recorder and without waiting for a response from his manager he just... walks away.]

( some time later (click for video) )

((OOC: Nathan Explosion and his attempt at.... KOMEDYYYYYY))

Dear Community,

I need your help.

I happen to be part of a friendly neighborhood crime syndicate. My sister is a cop and she is dating. However, thanks to my criminal connections, I know the man she is interested in happens to have his dead girlfriend taxidermied in his basement. (No, I don't know how she died. I'm pretty sure the fact that she's taxidermied in his basement is warning sign enough.)

How do I go about getting her to realize that he is not a good match for her without getting stabbed?

From, Worried Brother

[[All tags will be anon unless otherwise stated!]]

[Oriko opens in her puella outfit, one hand raised with a red string tied around her finger... in the middle of a very dark basement, illuminated only by her phone and the light of her soul gem, glowing from where it's set just beneath her chin, resulting in an unintentionally ominous appearance. The half-visible silver spheres floating around her head probably don't help.]

I realise this is doing Miss Yurippe no favours, but I little choice in the matter. This is the Community's doing, is it not? I would like to know where I am, and who this is attached to. Has anyone had any experience with such things before?

Can I please stay with someone?  I won't bother you or anyone you live with and it would only be for a little bit, promise.  All I need is somewhere to sleep.

[shinji breathes into the microphone, static erupting through the speakers in short bursts.  he sounds as if he's been pushed past the verge of tears and onto the brink of absolute panic, but he has to do this.  he has to.]

Kaworu-kun...he's gone.  It was strange that he was gone so early this morning, but I didn't think about it.  Now it's been hours and he's not back.  I called his job and his phone.  They haven't seen him and he won't answer.  All his things are here.  Even his violin is here.  He'd never leave without it.  I can't find him.  He disappeared.  Kaworu left.

[an audible gulp, a shaky sigh.] And I can't find him at all.  Tell me you've heard from him.

Please.

If I were the superstitious sort,  I would frankly be convinced some higher power is conspiring against my career. I finally get a significant role, for the first time in over a year... and it seems nobody outside of Japan will get to see it. And after the writers were so kind to accommodate my injury, as well...

Frankly, I believe mediocre advertising is to blame, which is, unfortunately, nothing I can do to change.

Although I suppose I could try.

I thought it appropriate to let you know I am on my way back; I should arrive by tonight. I truly am sorry I had to leave so suddenly, but I'm forced to admit I'm getting quite careless with age. All is well now, though. I do hope you realise this already, but if anything at all can take me away from the two of you, it is certainly not Interpol.

Steve, shall we do some revisions later? Granted, I suspect that, by now, I may need them more than you do. Oho.

Rose...

Er.

... I brought you some books.


Well, then. We'll see each other soon.


[IC EDIT; some time later; text]

I must wonder what about this message was so noteworthy that the community felt compelled to share it with the rest of the world.

It seems my computer will not let me do anything at all today unless I make a post. How inconvenient.

I suppose I may as well make this worthwhile, if I absolutely must say something...

... Aha.

I would like to know who here is currently unemployed.



((He is totally virused. 8) ))

It seems rather obvious to me that these cupcakes are not to be trusted. I must confess mine looks quite appealing, but I suspect that is merely the community's incentive for me to ingest it. I have already disposed of it, regardless. If I understand their effect correctly, I have made the correct choice.

...

For those of you who have a natural significant other, happy Valentine's Day, I suppose. Enjoy it as you will.


((OOC: After I get 5 replies, I will roll the RNG and the lucky winner gets Shelly's love for 24 hours. JOY OF JOYS.))

I have a simple, quick announcement that should put many of you at ease (and, perhaps, disappoint just as many):

I will not be able to conduct business in worlds where superhuman beings or magical forces are predominant, as I am, contrary to what some may have you believe, a human being.

That is all.

There are several upsides to this abrupt change of web domains - not only do I find this colour scheme much more aesthetically pleasing than the gradient blues Livejournal had recently adopted, I find that I can now actually post. If there is anybody else in the same condition as I, I hope we may now get around to any... unfinished business we may possibly have.

[Completely failed lock to Greed:]
We need to speak immediately.

Good day, community. I have a purely hypothetical question: is there any system in place for the anonymous shipping of objects across worlds?

Should you answer, I thank you for your time.

Today, I have seen a number of "heroic" individuals begging for acknowledgement and recognition. To those, I say this: what right do you have to demand such things, when I am the one in dire lack of them?

I am Shelly de Killer, the third heir to the name and, undoubtedly, the best in the business. For months, this community has embarrassed me, kicked me around, insulted my dignity and humiliated me.

No more. I demand respect, no matter how horrible of a human being you may believe I am, because I provide a service and, by God, I do it flawlessly.

I can kill a man with my bare hands, for goodness' sake.